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Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume V, Issue 499, 26 April 1881, Page 2

A Philadelphia q'lack informs the public that lie is not exclusive. "If a patient wanis it gentle and mild, I'm a homoeopath; and when anybody wants thunder and lightning , , I'm an allopath." Schoolmaster to new scholar : " Now, my doy, be industrious. Remember, what you have once learnt nobody can take away from you." New boy : ''Yes, sir ; but it'll he just the same if I don't learn anything at all. I'd like to know what anybody could take away from me then !'» " Whistling in a derisive tone " is one of the latest phases that intimidation is supposed to show itself in Ireland. At tho lietty Sessionß, Newcastle West, a little boy ten years old was charged with whistling in a derisive tone at Mr Gunn. J.P., and thereby intimidating- him. This extraordinary '' agarian outrage" charge was gravely laid against the boy, who was arrested and put in goal in the regular way. The Newcastle Bench being sane, laughed the case out of Court. A lady who is the proud mother of a very hopeful son recently brought her offspring to a prominent Galveston lawyer and wanted to have him read law. "Do you think he has a legal mind, madam ?" asked the lawyer, placing his hand on the boy's bulging brow. " Oh, I know he has ! 1 think he would make a iirst-rate judge, he has such a judicioiu mind." The wife of an eminent ex-Minister and new Peer, who married before he rose in the social scale, was one night sitting at dinner next to tho light of the Board of Trade, as celebrated for his genial humor as for his knowledge of railway management. Quoth the la.iy, " When I first began to go out in London society, I was so dreadfully bored." Quoth tho gentleman, " And now you are ? amply revenging yourself."