Miscellany.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume V, Issue 496, 15 April 1881, Page 2

Miscellany.

FXPERIENCS OF A VISITOR

I write this from a country village con- , taining about 1000 inhabitants. It is a lovely little town, nestled on a aide hill to break off the raw winds of wintor and the hurricanes of sumnior. When I arrived 1 this morning it seemed to ma as if there coold not be a bad man or scolding woman in the village, but four hourd have passed, and lam a wiser man. I came here to see Mrs Brown about a. pension she wants from the Government, and when we had finished I I said — [ ' I see you have four churches here.' ' Yes ; but we never have any sermons i worth listening to.' 'The men look intelligent and smart.' ' Humph ! They are regular pokes ! There isn't a man in Farmville who knows enough to ask boot- in a horse I trade. , I ' But the women look happy, , I protested. ' Then they look what they ain't. , ahe answered. ' I dont believe there is a happy woman in ihe whole village. If you knew of the awful carryings on here you wouldn't look for happy wives.' • What awful things do men do ?' 'You'd better ask what they don't do! It's a wonder to me that Farmville hasn't shared the fate ot Sodom and Gomorrah.' ' Do they drink ?' [ 'Do they! Didn't I ccc even old ■ Deacon Harris weaving this way and that !as he climbed the hill last evening ? It's a * slippery path, of course, b».t sober men I don't climb a hill sideways.' ! 'Do they gamble ?' ■ ' Gamble ! What did Mrs Potts toll me that her brother's wife told Mrs Davis not a month ago? Four of the leading men in this place were caught playing checkers for soda-water. That's a nice example, isn't it? , ' Is Mrs Potts nice ?' • Nice! Why she's the worst gossip in town ! It's n wonder the men don't duck her in the mill-pond !' ' And Mrs Davifi ?' ' She's a hypocrite 1 She talks sweet to your face i»nd abuses you behind your back.' ' Mrs George i 3 well ppeken of.' IBy whom ? I've known her fifteen years, and I never heard a human being speak well of her! She eats opium and ' lies like a trollop!' ' Isn't Mrs Mcllenry all right ? ' ' All right! Why, no one can live in tho house next to her.' ' The postmaster seems like a good man, , I ventured to remark. ' Good man ! Why, my husband always believed he was the very man who threw a yaller dog , down our well ! I don't say that he steals letters, but I know that when - I sent two three-cent stamps in a letter to ; my daughter in Iliinoy. she never got it.' ' But theic must be one good man here? ' ' There must, eh ! Well, I wish you'd i pint him out to me. I'd like to polish up 1 my spectacles and taku a good look at him.' ' And ititi't there one faultless woman ?' ' Well, I don't want to seem vain and conceil o<l, because none of us are long for ; this world, but I expe.'t I'm tho faultless ■ one you are enquiring after!' I I think I shall go out on the evening train. Mrs Brown says that every house ' and lot is mortgaged, every business man is ready to • bust.' and every family has at ! least one scandal about them. On my way over to the Post Office an hour ago I asked a grocer if he knew old Mrs Brown. • Know her ! Why, she's a gossip, a 1 liar, a hypocrite, and a dead beat, and too Ihssv to change her stockings nioru than twice a year!'