Our Contributors.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume V, Issue 488, 18 March 1881, Page 2

Our Contributors.

THE GOVERNOR IN" DUNEDIN

By our Vagabond Repoutku.

My wandering propensities having taken me lately to what its inhabitants are iond of calling the commercial metropolis of New Zealand, I found myself located there on Monday last, and learned that the Governor was expected to arrive on the evening of that day. There were various statements as to th ■ tbe time at which the vice-regal pirty might be looked for, the estim ites varyimg from seven to htlt'-p.ist eight. There was further no announcement of the g-neral arrangements to be obseived. The reception was of course under the control of tbe Mayor and Corporation Now, that body is impecunious an 1 is burdened, as Akaroa once was, with an overdraft. Having just laid out £24,000 on a Town Hall (which does not include a hall, by-tlie-by), they evidently could not afford to rush into i\ profligate expenditure on printing to inform the citizens of their plans and instruct them as to what was expected of them. However, about seven o'clock, the streets began to fill with people, Princes and George streets being especially noticeable for the num bers of pedestrians wending their w.xy towards the railway station. A fair quantum of rain had fallen during the afternoon—about enough for one day's allowance —so that it was not unreasonable to expect a few hours.' fine weather, or at any rate the absence for that period of a downpour. Except the people themselves, there was not much to see. There were no triumphal arches, no illuminations (except as hereinafter specified) ; in fact, in the forcible, though somewhat vague, language of a friend of mine, there were "no thingamies nor nothink." A few shops were open, spite of the " Don't shop after six" injunction, and this and the unusual number of people in the streets were the only distinctive features of the occasion. Stay, I had forgotten the Town " Hall " il) This is a handsome suite of offices with a lofty clock tower in the centre, and is situated in the Octagon. 'lihis building was illuminated with a crown and V.R., and in front of it was drawn up a row of carriages destined to bear the City Fathers to the railway for tlie purposes of receiving Vice-Royalty.

In due time I arrived at the railway station. Here were some stars of gas jets, hardly to be called illuminations, but serving to throw a little light on the scene. Here were the inevitable representatives ot the " Force," both mounted and on foot, endeavoring to keep the spectators from crowding into places where they must infallibly either stop the whole proceedings or get run over. Here were also the inevitable idiots, anxious to get under the hoofs of the horses or to any other place where they would cause the most inconvenience to everybody, themselves included. Presently there arrived a detachment of the Volunteer Naval Cadets, and very well they looked as they marched up and formed in lines, one on each side of the street, leaving a lane for the passage of the carriages. '* Such dears," was the expression of an enthusiastic lady in the crowd. But what means this heavy rumbling ? It is a det chment of the X Battery of the New Zealand Artillery with two twelve-pounders coming by at "the double." They reach their appointed spot, and the bugle sounds " Halt! Action front." The guns are unlimbered, and position taken in fairly quick time, though your V. R. has seen the: movement executed more promptly. '

But then the Wellington Battery was acknowledged to be the cra'jk corps in the Colony. By-and-bye a small detachment of aninfantryjeorps arrives and takes positbn by threes in front of the blue jackets. Some warriors in spiked helmets, who look like dismounted dragoons, but who, it appears, are Rifles, form a guard of honor on the platform, where also a band is stationed, and the preparations are complete. Way tiiere ! Here come His Worship the Mayor and the Councillors. In describing a pageant in the Old Country, " Pleeceman X " says :— The Ministers of State Then presently I sor; They gal lip to the Pallia Gate In carridges and fore. Well, with very slight alterations, this stanza describes the arrival of the City Fathers. Into the sacred enclosure enter with them three o/ficers. One in scarlet and cocked bat is. ailed " Tho Colonel;" a second wears the dear old Artillery uniform (before I was a V. R. I had the honor to wear it, and my heart warms at the sight of it) ; while the third is evidently the commander of the spiked helmet nondescripts. And now ensues that pause of expectancy which always precedes the awaited event, whatever it may be. The crowd amuses itself variously, according to the dictates of its component parts One particularly objectionable gentleman who stands immediately in front of me, smoking some vile tobacco in a pipe about an inch long takes his amusement after the manner of his kind, viz., so as to inflict the greatest possible amount of annoyance on those near him. He has apparently on more than one occasion been in the hands of the police, and he therefore takes his opportunity when he knows they cannot retaliate of flinging a lot of vulgar and cowai'dly abuse at the heads of those members of the force who are within earshot. Add to this that his language is filthy, and his person unsavory, and your readers may imagine that he was anything but a desirable neighbor. However the time of waiting is but short, and at 8.20 is heard a sound resembling what one might imagine might be emitted by a giant afflicted with croup. This is the miscalled " whistle" of the locomotive drawing the train which bears the vice-regal party. The band bursts out with " God save the Queen " ; the artillery fire the customary salute. (I am sorry that I cannot compliment them on the regularity with which the guns ara se wed ; once or twice such a delay occurs that it appears as if the salute had come to an untimely end). Tlie Mayor welcomes Lis Excellency in a few appropriate words, which elicit as brief a reply ; the party get into the carriages in waiting, and are driven away. N.B.—That containing the Governor and tho Mayor may be distinguished from the others by its being drawn by four greys.

The Governor is accompanied by the Hon John Hall, Premier, two Private Secretaries, one for the Governor of New Zealand and another for the High Commissioner, an aid-de-camp, and the All Serene Keemo Kimo, of the Cannibal Islands, who on this occassion is arrayed in the absurd garments of civilization.

It having been announced that His Excellency would take up his quarters at Wain's Hotel, the crowd surges towards that fine hostelry, and your V.R., being of a gregarious disposition, naturally accompanies the rest. Opposite the hotel is gathered a crowd of fully 2000 people. This gay and festive throng is engaged in making the most unearthly and demoniac noises probably conceivable, apparently with the object of persuading the Governor to come forth ancl display himself to their admiring gaze, the alternative offered being endurance of the abominable noises aforesaid.

To them suddenly enters a tall man in a balcony in front of the hotel. Ihe balcony is in shadow, and the gentleman's features are undistinguishable. He is seen to gesticulate as if making an address, which is of course inaudible in tho uproar. Result—great waving of hats and shouts of " Hooray ! " the crowd being fully satisfied that they are listening to a speech from Sir Arthur Gordon. Meanwhile, your V. R., finding an inaudible address from an invisible speaker to be rather monotonous, strolls away up Princes street, and in the Octagon has the satisfaction of meeting His Excellency and party, who, while the crowd have been bawling themselves as hoarse as dervishes outside the hotel, have been taking a quiet drive round the town. The gentleman who received such an ovation on the balcony has evidently been a waiter, who in vain tried to explain to the manythroated multitude that he whom they so persistently sought was not there. Such is life, dear boys. But your V.R. will now conclude, with the hope that the hoodlums cleared out in time to allow Sir Arthur to enjoy his dinner and cigar in peace.

The deceased wife's sister is an importunate and pertinacious creature. She has got her claim to marry her brother-in-law acknowledged in Ceylon, South Australia, New South Wales, Victoria, Tasmania, Queensland, and Western Australia. She got through the New Zealand and Natal Legislatures last year, but the Queen refused to complete her happiness in regard to these two colonies. She has passed through the House of Commons seven times, and been kicked downstairs as many times by the ungal'lant Lords. In a certain well-known restaurant a man in a white tie is called the waiter, and the man who really does all the waiting is called the guest.