Our Contributors.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume V, Issue 471, 28 January 1881, Page 3

Our Contributors.

BROUGHT INTO FOCUS,

/(Contributed to The Akaroa Mail)

If "absence makes the heart grow fonder " how dear I must be to you, Mr Editor, and (may I hope) to your readers also by this. time. Well, I -couldn't help' it, don't you know. Just as I was fiftflnffdown to indite a touching prayer (jtJhnfc-Tj£i,E Mail and its patrons might Menioy " A merry Christmas and a happy New Year," wlm should drop in but old Scoop "and Father O'Ballaghan as a deputation from the Sinkum and Middle Shiver districts, to ask me to interview Hie Minister of Public Works on the Akaroa railway question. Over as fine a glass of whiskey as ever I tasted— the rev. gentleman brought in his: pocket, by the way—wo settled the; terms, and off I started " for the front," ■goto speak. Well, I'm not going to vfeary you with till tho adventures 1 .-fent through : you know by this time hpvt far I succeeded, and much good it will do us all ; but 1 centred in the course of my Ministerial interview the following focus as to tho action of the Hall Government in regard to Akaroa - §£rl its electoral district. The fiat of proscription has gone forth over it. and for the independent action of its representative does it bear punishment, and "■ will continue to uo so, so long as its member is in Opposition. "But," I urged, " we do not seek concessions, -otto be treated with any distinctive marks iof favor,; all we want is justice, :>. mi- .- n the case of our pal ami teicgraph

station—that ' truthful returns ' may be compiled of receipts and expenditure." " Sir," was my reply, " the treatment you are receiving and the returns you mention are strictly in accordance and consistent with the line of policy laid down by the Government which I have the honor to represent." There, you have it in a nut-shell. Let the flavor of the kernel distin-tlv permeate the coming general election !

A'rather good yarn comes fvom Middle Shiver, by the bye. It appears that Jawfling's il a tighter was to he spliced at the church that morning, and the local shadow-catcher had been engaged to take the bridal party as soon as the ceremony was over. There our photographer accordingly was, in his war-paint, ready to group them at the church-door as they came out. Tho modest squeakiun. that does duty for an organ pealed forth "The Wedding March," and shortly after the bride, bridegroom, and attendant maids, sisters, aunts, *nd cousins appeared, and were marshalled in imposing array about ■the porch. The effect was grand ! Old Jawfling and the shadow-catcher were delighted. A few more passes, a semimilitary command of " Eyes front! steady ! " a breathless silence, and all was over. Away trooped the bridal procession, on lasting bent, and away trotted the photographer to his lonely whare, to fix the plate, etc. After he had carefully removed in his darkened room the cloth from off the caso the glass was washed and held up for examination, hut was found to he —

blank. It was too true. In tho excitement of the moment he had forgotten to remove the slide! Not to be beaten, however, our photoist prepared a new glass, and rushed off to Jawfling's ; but it was too late. Bride and bridegroom had left for that sweet solitude so dear to the newly married, for a day or two, while the guests were too sufficiently " happy and glorious " to group otherwise than horizontally. Thus ended another amateur's dream ol future greatness, not to mention the disappointment of the fond parent.

I was in the Criterion the other day when in came Tonald McTavish and Paddy Flure after a long bout in the sun. Both of them had had a small stroke, and after about six more strokes a piece, their hats rolled off, and down went their venerable bald heads, fast asleep, the pair of them—for all the world like two billiard balls at opposite sides of the table. Presently the O'Flure wakes up, and must have a smoke. The dhudeon is fished out from the waistcoat pocket, together with the needful match, which lie proceeds to endeavor to strike on Tonald s head mistaking that time-worn surface for the sandstone match striker. Tonald, at length aroused by repeated scratching. l ; jumps up and wants to 'know—" Why the Tevil her doesn't leave her head alone, and pc tamn; d to her," only to be " danin'd by faint praise " by the Hibernian rejoinder—" Begorra, i thought it was the | ieee of shtone, so 1 did." I left shortly afterwards by a short cut 1 lilies eL through the window, •for the atmosphere was get!ing sulphurous and sultry, and there ■ wore a?l the preliminaries settled for a impromptu massacre of Gbncoe and a Donnybrook Fair rolled into one.

ASBESTOS