ONE THING AND ANOTHER.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume V, Issue 470, 25 January 1881, Page 3

ONE THING AND ANOTHER.

(Collated from our Exchanges.)

The latest suggestion for the use of electricity as a motive power is to have the streets of cities paved with iron, either In blocks or so arranged that the pavement will form continuous electrical conj ductors, divided into suitable sections, each section to be charged with electricity by a stationary steam engine and dynamo machine of proper size. On the electrica 1 pavements thus provided, waggons, carriageß, fire engines, omnibuses, and other vehicles, each provided with an electrical driving wheel, and taking electricity through the wheel from the pavement; may be run in any desired direction, with more ease and certainty than by the preeent system of horse locomotion, although that system would not necessarily be inter- | fered with, as those who preferred to use horses couH of course do so. Iron pavements could doubtless be made that would be quite as serviceable 0,0 the present stone blocka. The subject presents a fine opportunity for students of electricity to exeroise their head gear.— Scientific American. The following amusing story has been vouched for by one of the most reliable of Philadelphia divines :—" A young clergyman, having agreed to supply the pulpit of an older brother absent from home, escorted to church the daughter of the pastor, and after seeing her.safely in her father's pew, ascended to the pulpit, but supremely unconsious that this natural attention to the young lady was sufficient to excite lively imaginative enquiries in the audience. Upon reading the hymn to be sung, the young clergyman was surprised t« perceive evident efforte in the congregation to suppress laughter. The daughter of the pastor possessed the mellifluous name of Gracej and (all unsuspicious of that fact) he had chosen the hymn beginning with the words —• Amazing grace.' "

Some j'enrs ago, in an adjacent county a wealthy couple presented themselves to bo joined together in holy matrimony. A ftor the usual ceremony was performed the bridegroom advanced to the Rector with " Sur, what mun I pey ?"' The Rector said seven shillings. " Sur," said John, " it's a great deal of money, will na ye gi , me something back for luck ?" The Rector out of patience, walked e>ff. John, turning then to his bride, bid her prepare to f>o. The bride, however, looking her sweet spouse steadily in the face, caM " Dear John, you've highly insulted the parson to-day, I'm ashamed of you.' " Jane," said he, " liawd your noise; j don't like to drop old customs—l never bought a pig in my life but I got something back for luck."

On the subject of hens a boy writes :— " Hons is curious animals. They don't have no nose, nor no teeth, nor no ears. They swallow their wittles whole, and chew it up in the crops inm'de of 'em. The outside of hens is generally put inter pillers and inter feather dus f ers. The inside of a hen is sometimes filled with marbles and shirt-buttons and sich. Alien is very much smaller than a good many other animals, but they'll dig up more tomato plants than anything that ain't a hen. Hens is very useful to lay eggs for plum-puddings. Skinney Bates eat co much plum-pudding once that it sent 1 im inter the collery. Hens has got wings, and can fly when they get scart. I cut Uncle William's hen's head off with a hatchet, and it scart her to death. Hens sometimes makes very fine spring chickens."

An able tramp, of long experience, says lie has found out that at the police stations of this country the board and lodging are the same thing.

All hairpins look alike to men ; but let

n wifo go ofE on a visit, and come and ' a hairpin near the door, and she can't wait a minute to grow red in the foce.

' You promised to pay that bill yesterday,' said an angry creditor to a debtor. • Yes,' calmly replied the other ; ' but to err is human, to forget divine ; and I forgot it.'

If you are thinking of offering your hand to a lady, it is always best to choose your opportunity. As good a time as any is when she is getting out of an omnibus.

Deacon Jones, just deceased, had a very red nose. His Widow thought it rather personal in the minister to begin his funeral discourse with, ' Another shinj ing light has been taken from our congregation.'

Leonidaa was one of the original dead hoads. Ho held the pass at Iherraopylw.

Never attempt to form an opinion of a woman's weight by her eight , -

In the City of London Court Miss Elizabeth Cobb, residing at Itotherhithc,

sued the defendant, the proprietor oi Les Trois Freres Restaurant, to recover the sum of £1, being 12s wages and 8s partial hoard, in lieu of a week's notice. Miss Cobb said she was engaged by the defendant as barmaid at a weekly salary of 12s and her meals. After she had been in his service a fortnight he dismissed her on Saturday evening, September 11, without notice, paying her money up to that day only. She now claimed in consideration of not having been given a week's notice. The Commissioner —Do you hear that, Mr Erenden ? Mr Evenden—Yes, sir, but I made a special arrangement with this young lady that there should be no counter courtship. (Laughter.) The Commissioner —I see ; you object to her having a sweetheart. (Renewed laughter.) Mr Evenden—This was the agreement triade with her when I engaged her, but notwithstanding, she insisted upon paying special attention to one gentleman in preference fo the others. (Loud laughter.) The Commissioner —And what did you do ? Mr Evanden—l warned her against it; but she persisted in her conduct, and in consequence I dismissed her. The plaintiff said she denied the allege! courting entirely. The defendand insisted upon its being true. The Commissioner—Well, how do you mean to prove it ? I have not the name of the gentlemrn before me ; but I am afraid that to make out your case, you must call him to prove that he courted the young lady. (Roars of laughter.) The defendant—his name is Mr Cole. The Commissioner—That is the guilty person ? Certainly it was very wrong of him—(laughter) —but I am afraid if you call Mr Cole he will, out of gallantry say he did not court the young lady. (Loud laughter.) Take my advice, Mr Evanden ; pay this young lady's claim, and for the future do not engage good looking young barmaids. (Roars of laughter.) Vertic , ; for the plaintiff accordingly.