ONE THING AND ANOTHER.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume V, Issue 459, 14 December 1880, Page 3

ONE THING AND ANOTHER.

(Collated from our Exchanges.)

* An American paper tl'us discourses on England's most famonn beauty : —"The most beautiful woman in England is Mrs Langtry. It is said that she is so sweet that when you look at her you feel caterpillars crawling up the small of your bark, your heart begins lo jump like a box car, a streak of lightning goes down one trousers leg and up the other, and escapes up the back of your neck, cans- ** ing the hair to raise and be filled with electricity enough to light a circus tent, and that when looking at her your hand * clutch"* nervously as though you wanted to jjrasp something to hold you up, and a Bunse of fiiinttiHsrf comes over yon, your m, even roll heavenward, your bead full? li'-lplowsly on your breast, your left Mdc becomes numl», yotu liver cjnitn working, your breath becomes hot and heavy, yoin "* lips turn livid and tremble, your teeth chew on iniagina-y toffy, and yon look round imploringly for Homebody to take her away. If all this occurs to a person from looking at her. it would be sudden death or six months' illness, to nlink<* hands with her. If she comes here, their "• is ono bald beaded man going into the country where they arc not so bad. Yon bet !"' It is not every day, says the llomham Timex, we hear of a father selling bis daughter in a Christian land, but that is what we are informed has been piiccesa- . fully accomplished by a parent residing not far from the newly-settled district « about Nhill, the only redeeming feature being that the goods were not hande 1 over. A Chinaman was the unlucky purchaser of the damsel, and alleged that ho paid sums amounting to over £50, together with numberless presents to the lady herself, and new suits for her brothers, and all the satisfaction he has had nt present has been the possession of a scrap of dirty paper bearing the words :— "I, , of , hereby promise to deliver my daughter Mary to ■ within one month of this date." Tin's interesting promissory note, and a more scoundrelly one was never known, has been dishonored (it maturity, so the unfortunate Mongolian * affirms, and the legal advice ho has taken liaa not tended to restore hie equanimity of mind and temper, for he haj been * assured that it is not a negotiable document. We have reason to believe that the facts are as we have stated, and may add that an attempt will certainly bo made to bring about a thorough exposure of the parties. NoTicKAUUi —That the boy who is most afraid of the girls is the first to be corralled in matrimony. That the little boys prefer m boys to girls. That they soon change.never > i>goback to their early love. That the W' little girls love the girls best. That they don't get over their preference so soon as * the boys do, some of them never. That women love the men because they love everything they have to take care of. That men love women because they can't help it. That the wife loves her husband so well that she has no thoughts for other men. That the husband 60 loves his wife that, he loves all women .for her sake. That girls that have given over all hopes of matrimony, or who * never had any, love to flirt with married men. That the married man is apt to think hiinsolf all-killing among tho fair ccx, simply because he has found one woman fool enough to marry him. That homely husbands are the best; they never forget the compliment paid them by their wives in accepting them. That homely wives are the truest ; they know how to make the most of what they have. That the womai! who marries does well. That the woman who does not marry docs better, nine times out of ten.