THE MELBOURNE EXHIBITION.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume V, Issue 449, 9 November 1880, Page 2

THE MELBOURNE EXHIBITION.

(By Cosmopolitan.)

The ,, Old Sarpint"—The "Dirty Boy"— " Grub Lane "—" Our Hemma "—An Arthurian Knight—Heavy Damages —A Drum and Trumpet History—An Ecclesiastical Model—The Nile-boat— Bagpipes.

An Antipodean Exhibition, if not so Brobdignagian in proportions, certainly presents something new and different from those in countries but a railway journey apart. The ancient Athenian would find some now tiling, the product of semi-tro-pical regions, to say nothing of the strange birds and beasts, and the last new thing in aboriginean millinery. In London, or Paris, or Vienna, there was always so much that one had seen befere at either, or all three of them. "It's the old Sarpinr,j'onr Grace, with a new coat of paint," said the showman to the Duke of WVling-. toli, when he refused to take the Hero's shilling when proffered for a view of: the '• cobra corrugata, or corniscated snake of the Yang-tse-kiang." Wo have seen the " Old Sarpint" so often since, that it at length resembles Joseph's coat of many colors. An this reminds us that Sig. I ocardi's clever group of the" Dirty Boy' being scrubbed with Pear's transparent soap by liie enraged grandparent with an energy that foretold it would all bo over in five minutes, and which we left two years ago in Paris, surrounded by a crowd of French- peasantry roaring' with laughter, turns up again hero with that tiresome ablution still in .progress.

Tho refreshment and luncheon bars appear to be far more popular than the din-ing-rooms—first, or second class. People are always seen, not only standing in front but sitting on the furniture exhibits opposite. Its position on the geographical map of the Exhibition should be marked Grub Lane.

One tonch of nature makes the whole world kin : the classic nuditie3 in the French gallery are equally enjoyed by the lovers of high art, and the provinciil ß from up-country. One old lady, after contemplating " Chloe," critically, for some time, was heard to whisper to her elderly companion—" Just like our Hemma."

Tho Exhibition is not "drawing" as i? shauld do, or as it deserves to do, when so much is brought to our very doorstep, so to speak, that would otherwise require a journey to Europe to study with profit. A daily " performance" perhaps is the only remedy. We have had the Austrian band, splendidly conducted by Captain Wildner one day, and two performances under the baton of M. Caron on other dayp, and on two of tho " off " days divertissements by tho permanent staff, assisted by the employes. Another attraction has thus been added. All tastes must be catered for ; sffline like music, others prefer athletic sports, assaults-of - arms, fisticuffs, &c. Like tho Kilkenny boy who was " spiling for a bating," one gentleman was determined to "spile" no longer. The contractor for the supply _ of the cup that cheers, but not inebriates, leads young Ireland to stalk up and down at the , fair with a sprig of shillelagh in his grasp, soliloquising aloud, " Will any gintlenian be kind enough to tread on the tails of me coat," placed a table on sacrod ground. The challenge was at once taken up, and Bohea ordered to at once remove the objectionable piece of art-furniture. Then came the display o£ Souchong-heroic 3 (without extra charge). Inspired bj his classic

intiiiiuiiuti of lii»\v the Uoiiinn mother (or wne it Greek), giving , a shield to her youthful warrior on his departure to tho ware, intimated affectionately what was to he the manner of his return, if he desired to be well roceivo —With this or on this!, the belligerent contractor leaped ■on the table, and defied them all; not all the commissioners' horses, nor all the commissioners' men, should either remove the table or vanquish him ! Then, like the statue of Aiiix defying the lightning, or the Achilles posed in front of Apsley House at Hyde Park Corner, or the Discobolus in fits, from tho Museum ,of the Free Library, crowed this Arthurian kjiight of the Round Table. : .; ;,v

Well, there was a scrimmage—a sudden raid—and then, happy thought, the table itself was seized and' uplifted, and this " Study from the Antique" was borne out of tl.e building on his table, amid the laughter of all beholders. This burlesque was so successful that next day another entertainment was provided of n Btill more sensational character. The .morrow niorn saw Act 11, Scene 1. The hero of yesterday having |consulted ; .'hie solicitor, who estimated the damages susfainein/y loss of dignity at £8,000, to be equally divided into four sums. of. £2,0Q0-, each between Messrs Pugh, Levey, Munroy and the fableturner. Writs from the Supreme Court were duly issued, which tho plaintiff resolved upon serving himself. the sum of? £8,000 shortly to hand, wo should certainly at once have secured Crutch's beautiful t)08—or its counterpart, to convey us. NoVst> tjie plaintiff. Like Cowper's hero— •, . . Though on pleasure bent, He had a frugal mind,

and preferred walking with those four objectionable pieces of paper. . Messrs Pugh, Leve} T , and the foreman, were all highly flattered by this touching mark of conbid eration, and accepted them—with thanks —evidently considering it an excellent joke. Not so Mr Munro, the Vicepresident, who arrived later on the scene. To the plaintiff's proposal for a short interview, Mr M. replied with a violent

negative and strode on. The plaintiff

then tendered him a copy of the writ, and Mr M. acknowledged it.by one effective, wellraimed. stroke with his "Mrs Gamp " —one of Gittus's best paragonsilk, ivory handled. A distinct interval elapsed, says tho Argus like that between the lightning and the following thunder, and then the plaintiff slid to the ground and lay on the hard boards like one in a fit. Most unfeelingly to relate, no one offered to help any one else, any more than they would interfere with a stage performance, or a terrific combat, with wooden swords, between the leading tragedians. ■ The ■ plaintiff .was left lying prone, while. a Sydney policeman, not knowing a Vice-president, ran off to apprehend that functionary. What will now be the amount of damages incurred is a matter upon which two eminent actuaries are busily engaged. Perhnps it is all owing to the, plaintiff's own tea, which beverage Dr Moloney affirmed the other day at tho meeting of the Medical Society of Victoria, ; ,has;'a : most pernicious effect on the Imuran coristUutution ; helps to fill our asylums, and is. the source of untold mischief.

One would suppose that, impelled by the great difficulty experienced in obtaining , men for the regiments of the line, the Imperial Government was about to send he recruitiug serjoant to the colonies. Since the opening, Her Majesty's Victoria Cross collection of paintings has arrived, and has been hung in one of the galleries. It is a drum and trumpet history, highly charged with battle, murder, and sudden death

Wβ saw the other afternoon, in the north transept, a highly;. objectionable ecclesiastic grinnjng with open month at we know not what. Casting a glance over our own blooming costume of. the latest mode, we felt it could not be at us, and passed on. To-day we ran egainst him again, and this time saw it* was,.a wax model ereqted by,, Messrs Simons and Dwyer, the dentists, to.exhibit:their per, feet dentistry. We are familiar with those shining gold mounted ivory cresents of teeth exhibited in dentists' windows, but to those who see them for 1 the first time the impression is not an agreeable one. Wβ well remember an incident, in going up the.Ni|e some years ago.

The Arab boatmen possess an exaggerated idea of the scientific power and knowledge of Europeans, particularly Englishmen and Americans, and watch them with great curiosity. One day a young Arab was watching a clergyman very like this was model in some aspects, as the Nile-boat or Dahabeeah proceeded slowly on, when the traveller,opened hie mouth, took out a crescent of false teeth from his gums, looked at them, and quietlyput them back in their place. ' The Arab immediately leaped overboard and swam ashore, and nothing Would induce him to return to the Dahabeeah again.. He evidently thought that a man who could take out his teeth at will and put them back again must bo in alliance with the powers of darkness, and such an uncanny person was not a fit travelling companion for the Faithful. ~,

Our visit was to-day brought to an abrupt conclusion through a personal weakness of our own,, distinctly, allied to the above. Wandering among the musical instruments, we caught sight of a cue marked B. Grilmore, containing violins and bagpipes. We fled.