POOR OLD ALICK.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 4, Issue 385, 13 April 1880, Page 3

POOR OLD ALICK.

To the Editor of the Alcaroa Mail.

Sik, —I be still hont of work, and don't 'pear likely to git any just yit, so there being no thehatres here I keeps a regular 'tendance at the Court 'ouse to hear the beak. If you mind, I told you once' afore as 'ow I thought he were a sort of curous chap; well, he was hat it agin yesterday. He half hears a case of one man assaulting another, and being, I guess, in a 'urry to walk his stumps out of the arena, be fines the poor cove as couldn't allays keep his shirt in a five-pun note. The cove, sort of objecting like, a wrangling match ensues, from which it is discovered as 'ow a bit of a written 'p'llogy had been sent by the chap, and the beak immediately says as 'ow a 'pology being writ entirely alters the case, and redooces the fine 95 per cent. Like that chap as Dickens yarns of, called Harold Skimpole, as says—" Give him a sixpence, five shillings, or five pounds; you are an arithmetician, I am not." Then, just think, he proceeds to say as 'ow a written 'pology entirely alters the case. I guess he wouldn't think so if he got his nose smashed or his eyes bunged up ; he'd be more like ould Paddy as says to'a cove as was perlitely thanking on him for carrying his box fourteen mile more or less, if thy thanks be all, mate, they be d d. I am,

WHITECHAPEL JOE