THE PLIMBURY ROOSTER FIGHT.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 4, Issue 373, 17 February 1880, Page 2

THE PLIMBURY ROOSTER FIGHT.

BY TONY HIGGINS

The Plimburys live in Burynew. Mrs Plimbury is a member of the Baptist persuasion—one of the hardest kind —with a fair prospect of more determined hardness in the future.

She resides opposite the Baptist Church, and she is the perplexed owner of one of the most violently aggressive and pugnaciously-minded roosters that ever crowed defiance to another,

Mr Herr also resides opposite the Baptist Church, but' he is not exactly of that persuasion. In fact Mrs P. has often expressed her sad conviction that he is ". fer friunt," which is supposed to indicate great moral depravity on the part of Mr Herr. He is also the proud owner of one exceedingly pug nacious and generally " wicious " fowl. Between Mrs Plimbury and Mr Herr is a vacant lot, and a street leading over to the church.

Mrs P.'s rooster entertains towards Mr Herr's ditto sentiments of the most profound contempt and implacable animosity, which emotions are heartily reciprocated by the object of them. Mrs P.'s rooster is moreover perfectly convinced of his ability to cope with and totally demolish, unaided, any and all of the Herr roosters that ever existed, or may exist. . He has intimated the same in a manner perfectly intelligible to the Herr rooster, which is under the same impression regarding his ability to annihilate the Pliuipury chicken.

But beyond a few light skirmishes, consisting chiefly of mutual recriminations from a safe distance, nothing of a strictly " business-like " character had occurred until last Sunday morning, at which time, Mrs Plimbnry being, at church and Mr Herr paying strict attention to a service of whiskey and water in his back 'room, the belligerent roosters, as was their custom, were standing upon their respective fences discussing each others pedigree and standing in society with a charming candor— not always confined to roosters.

But at length the Herr rooster ventured an observation which, judging from the sequel, must have been of a character highly offensive to the understanding of the Plimbury representative, which instantly and with great fury alighted in the vacant lot opposite the church, and extended an urgent invitation to the adversary to come down and interview him, an invitation which was accepted by the other with pleasing alacrity.

Omitting any preliminary arrangements, the contestants " went for " each other after a style, pronounced by llie connoisseurs—who speedily arrived—to be " bully grit."

The writer regrets the necessity of observing just here, that in matters pertaining to cock fights he is the personification of ignorance (sitting on'a hen roost), and that owing to the deplorably unenlightened state of his mind regarding these interesting affairs, he is at this time incapable of describing the fine points and scientific phases of the engagement in question with that comprehensive style and beauty of technical

e xpression which is ever gratifying, and j which is observed to such a remarkable \ degree in newspaper reports of like i affairs. But he is prepared to state ■- with unlimited confidence that the Plim- M bury and Herr rooster fight was the J most awful and sanguinary combat of -'' the kind eyer exhibited "for our consecutive day only" in Burynew, com- 4billing as it did science, with ferocity and blood-thirstiness to a most gratifying extent. This then was the edifying spectacle that greeted Mrs Plimbury and the . congregation as they issued from the church just opposite on that beautiful Sunday morning (the weather, as one of the spectators remarked, was "hcavingly for rooster fites.") Fourteen men and + boys, accompanied by eleven dogs of various breeds—and throe of no breed whatever—all intent, with much profanity and reckless betting , , upon two gory-headed roosters, earnestly endeavoring to reduce each other to salad; Mr Herr, very much the worse, for whisky and water—particularly the former—sitting on Mrs P.'s fence, actively engaged in alternately cussing Mrp P.'s rooster, encouraging his own, and impartially squirting tobacco juice at both of them with incomparable elegance and precision ; Mrs Plimbury's hired* .'girl, <*• standing on the front steps calling Mr . >. Herr's girl, on her back steps, , a , "squint-eyed trollop with ill her stockings," and Mr. Herr's hired'girl y returning the compliments with equal warmth and ielicifcy of expression ; Mrs P.'s eldest son engaged in the middle of the street in a desperate affray with Mr Herr's eldest—general indication all around of a free fight on a large scale at • short notice.' Mrs Plimbury was dumfounded, as ,-, * - she remarked subsequently to Joshua, her meek and lowly spouse, her,tongue stuck to her teeth so that she : could.jnot utter a word, upon hearing which Joshua ~ was instantly plunged into a fit of deepest despondency as he reflected that in her case at least the attack was 'never permanent. The congregation was horrified, particularly the male portion, who immediately went over to suppress the exhibition, but upon arrival at. the scene/ deemed it undignified to interfere, so they took a good position, for seeing ■•« ■ which one should " lick.". Not so MrsP. She took the situation in at a glance, and simultaneously the shortest -route over to where. Mr Herr sat, calmly-but * earnestly surveying the scene. .Her remarks in full we are not permitted to repeat to a morbidly curious public ; but we may say that for perspicuity of utter- _ ance and freedom of expression, as well as relevancy to the subject, her address has never been equalled. Mr Herr's reply, though brief, wo are likewise uhable to report, because emotion and spirits, combined with the discomforting effect of falling off the fence when billy "* half through, rendered his words unintelligible to himself or any one else. * '*'l But the appearance of Mrs P. upon -! the scene, and her evident disapproval of * the affair, together with the energetic and pertinent character of her remarks ! upon the subject, produced a very J s marked effect upon the audience. They • appeared to have a sort of vague idea that they had bettor retire. They accordingly retired—nof with any particular gracefulness, but with a celerity refreshing to witness. Mrs Plimbury, left alone in her glory * and still sighing (very much like ahorse' with the heaves) for more ' men to conquer, proceeded with that laudable design to find her worthy spouse, who had been • enjoying the " rumpus" from an upstairs window, happy in the comfortable conviction that Mrs P. couldn't sec him. But, alas ! for the delusion »t>f men, Mrs P. made it ever a ruling point in life never to let an opportunity pass for stir- ■?■ ring that gentleman up in a most aggravating manner, which species of entertainment Mrs P. was in the .habit of denominating " a mellerin' of him." And so;having a pretty fair insight into the various failings of Mr P., she expected to find him watching that fight ** from that window, and keeping her eye on it accordingly she was not disappointed. Co/.sequently when she entered the house, and to the foot of the M stairs, and yelled " Joshua /" in a key pitched high enough to raise, the hair on a dead mule, the. was prepared to effectually' "meller" him. But Joshua all unwittingly appeared with a seducivo and reassuring grin upon his counten-^ , ance, which was instantly changed into an expression of dreadful consternation and abject terror, as it dnwned upon him t that his other two thirds knew where he v** had been exactly. He had been devoting his spare time during the progress oi the row to concocting the most outrageous and improbable lies as to his •• whereabouts during the same,'but now his presence of mind, if he ever had any, forsook him and also the use of his knees, and all he could do was to stand trembling in dire apprehension, miserably awaiting further developments. They come! They come with such violent impetus as to take away his breath, and cause him to imagine for a moment that four thou- ,* sand combined earthquakes had occurred where ho stood, and when he realized that he was going to be '' mellered," he thought on the whole he would have pre- # ferred the earthquakes. We refrain from harrowing the mind of the reader with further details of the " interview. They are too full of painfull ~&. suggestions, and with some might awaken unpleasant reminiscences'; but we may <£ say in concluding, that Mrs Plimbury has declared that she is determined to have morality reign in ] iVY household (and chicken coop) even though the effort drive her into premature decline. ' Mr P. mentally adds his fervent desire

that the decline may be as premature as is consistent with natural causes and a decent regard for the views of frequently " mcHcrcd ' husbands.

And Mr Hcrr is training his rooster in patient anticipation of that event, after which he proposes to finish that fight, secure in the blissful consciousness that Mrs P. has fled to that bourne from which no feller ever returns to interrupt disputes between roosters, where the same are conducted in a fair and honor-

able.manner