MRS BROWN IN AUSTRALIA.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 4, Issue 372, 13 February 1880, Page 2

MRS BROWN IN AUSTRALIA.

Melbourne. . f^ , ■' _*'4j-: {From the Australasian.) '• 'fy I must say as Melbung is a lovely -''if: built city as you can't lose your way '_'& about, and wherever yo,u goes always come back to the same pint, as is the ■,;>' Town-all or the Post-office,as is constant ■ .'■ ■ wisible thro' the streets a bein' -wot par-* - ■'' ties calls right hanglers and a layin , paralitic to one another. ' , i ( There's a noble Town-all as 'aye a ? . 'luminated clock, the same as the Po?t . } office, and both on 'em the corner of a street. Some of the streets is 'illy, as makes, it bad for the breath a walkin' up, particler with a ? igh wind a blowin' and nust a flyin' as thick as you might cut it with a knife, as the sayin' is. There's a Lord Mare, aud Common Council, with a Town Clerk that efferble as shook 'ands with me, a sayiu' as he'd 'card the name afore, and were 'appy to see me. He lives in the Town-all, as is a noble room with a prgin as can quite fill it at times, as when 'iin and the Lord Marc can take and play on it when they pleases by turns, 'cos he told me as in general '; they plays nothink but music by the great 'Andle, so in course anyone can do that; and there was a many amusin' theirselves that way Christmas night, when it was throwed open to the public, and everyone'ad a turn as pleased. There's a Public Library full of books like the British Museum, where I've 'card say as all them as 'rites books is obligated for to send a copy, as will in time fill up all London I should say, and then in course a spark some day dropped in axident, or a stray fusee, will set the lot all on a blaze, and that's why I never will store up old papers myself, as only 'arbers dust, and whyever they keeps them old books I can't think, as only stands in rows on shelves, and tho' parties seems to take a pride in 'avin' of 'em, that never even takes down, let < alone reads ; as it's as well as they don't try, for they would'nt learn no good, besides not 'avin' no time for to do anythink else ; and in course parties as 'rites books must live, and I've 'eared say a precious bad livin' they gets at it, and well they may when there's so many on 'em at the same game ; but in my opinion if when them books was 'rote and paid for they did ought to be burnt, as would be good for trade every way, partikler for them as writes, as in gen'ral in the 'abit of 'avin' their works that cut up as would only nat'rally expect to see 'em reduced to hashes, as the sayin' is. I must say as the Melbung markets is werry fine, and the fruit and wegetables first-rate, and never did see finer cherries, tho' in the shops they puts the finest in the front of the winder and then serves you from the back part, as is inferior ; as is the tricks of the trade all the world over, as the sayin' is, don't think as they cooks the wegetables well, tho' certingly their beef is werry fine, tho' the mutton in gen'ral 1 wants 'angin'. In course, parties 'as their own ways of doin' things, but in my opinion them Melbung gardnew all gethers the peas too old, and don't bile 'em quite enuf. I never did '.aye better tea, as is no doubt a owin' to the many Chinese parties as you sees about, as lives in their own quarters, and in course brings their own tea. a There's lovely bowers all about, as seems sin'glar at Xnias, but if you come to that, it's agin natur 'avin' Xmas kep' in summer, as some say is a dyin' * out, and for my part 1 can't see whyever they don't turn the Halmanic round and call the months different, as could'nt make no difference in the long run, and parties 'ere would like it different, and parties the other side of the world wouldn't be a bit the wiser, and wouldn't care whether they had picnics on Boxin' Day, as wouldn't never do in Old England, any more than 'orse racin' or cricket with snow on the ground, nor yet lorn tennis, as is played on the .grass the same as crokey, as is all on ? em werry nice for young people, as is summer games all the world over, partickler of a summer hevenin', afore ever Horse: trailier were born or thort on, as the * sayin' is. I never did see sich for gutters, as runs like rivers knee deep thro , the streets, with bridges over the crossins, or you wouldn't never be able to get to the other side of the way, and as it is 'aye sometimes to be drove to a cab. I shan't never forget a. grn'n' over one as were nearly the end of me, as were at the corner of one of them streets, a *> goin' to tea out at Richmond, as is on a 'ill, jest the same as where that there lass "lived at 'onie, tho' not the same view, tho' there's many a pretty lass of Richmond 'ill no doubt 'ere. I were dressed helegant in a yeller muslin, Avith a pink sprig, and a blue barege mantle, with my 'at and green Avail, and were a sfcandin' on one of them bridges a waitin' to 'ail a 'bus for fear as the rain might come on agin, when a lot of parties come a rushin' over that-bridge with boys and gals, all a drivin' like bullocks, a gig- « glin', when one of 'em says to me, Oh ! don't mind stoppin , the way, old lady, anyone can pass you, you're such a shadder, I says I ain't no shadder, but * don't Avant none of your remarks, a s is quite as impicknt as if you came from London. Make Avay, says a great 'ulkin' leller, with a big basket, as he regler drove in front on 'im, as sent, me off the patliAvay on to that bridge ; jest then M someone took and backed on to my foot, as is agony. I give a yell, and nearly jumped out of my skin, and in so doin'missed my cqualebrhim, as Brown calls it, and over * I went into that rushin' gutter with a

splash as arf drowned every one a slandin' by. I fought with all my might and main, as the sayin' is, to get on my legs for fear as I might he swep down one of ** them gully 'oles as is like milldams, and washed out to sea. I fetched one old man as come to 'elp me a cropper with my umbreller, as lost 'is white 'at in v the struggle, and pulled another, as. proved blind, into the kennel with me, and it's a mussy I'm a full size, so as not to be able to be got under the bridge, * as crosses the corner of the street, or goodness knows where I should 'aye been sucked to, but as luck would 'aye f it, I got wedged, and there I stuck as two perlice dragged me out on with all L their might and main, tho' my 'at, my 'air, my redicule, and my umbreller was L a floatin' on the foamin' tide, as the savin , is. ; ! It's lucky as there was a 'otel close at r~ 'and, as they took me into, or I do not *• know what might not 'aye 'appened, for y; " every 'ook and eye'ad busted, and all .] my strings and laces 'ad give way ; I were a reglar wreck and ruin. * i '-£ f There was worry civil parties at that frw s but a deal too free for me, as took \lr~' my clothes awaj T to dry 'em for mo, as % was young gals enuf, but went off into *•*¥ ■ fits over my old-fashioned things, as * 4fv ' they called 'em, as was all new afore I ,*'! ; \ .come away ; but young folks will 'aye . *'J their jokes ; but you never did see any- ' Jj." think like the mask of burns and scorches '* . as my things was when brought back to * , . me, as they'd been dried in a 'urry, and *.*'. geemed to wish to get rid of me. So as ■ ■ soon as I were dressed I 'uddled on my "things and got 'ome in one of them cabs as is for all the world like a tilt cart, and «t ' jogghs about fearful, as the driver said were owin , to the roads abein , that full • .of 'olesas bumps you about, and werry I nigh jolted my blade bones out of the '" '* '''. -socket', and thought as one of my ribs ' ' a< * £* ye as P rove( * t° be my busk. as I always wears, tho , old-fashioned, ■ ' - ..»tnrO'them new French corsays as they > calls 'em, as you remembers me a buy in' 'thatnight along with you in Oxford street, as fastens in front with 'ooks, i.: • nearly a provin' my death. \ >' No doubt them bridges as they've got •J >. acr,° ss the streets for to get over them r'V » kennels with is werry useful, for they #**\$ rolljl like rivers broke loose ; but they did ; h |t ought to'ave a'and rail for anyone to v stick to as ain't firm on their pins, as the '. * sayin' is. I shan't never be able to wear a rag of ; . my clothes agin, for wot aint't torn is " '"*• burnt and that discolored as no bluebag in this -wide world won't never bring round, as was a lovely new collar and cuffs, and my white muslin pollemaise, %-. ■'' as they been overstarched, so didn't set proper to the figger, and kep , a risin' up :;' too high between the sholders, as made '' "" it .all of a 'cap io the nape of the neck, - t and, pushed my 'at and my 'air all over *" J f r " my eyes, and was that perwoking ; cos I wanted to be a little bit dressy, thro' Melbung not bein' a place, as parties <* thinks over in Ingland, where they walks about in nothink, like savidge parts, but is that dressy as you might fancy your- - self in Regent street, with lovely shops as ketched the heye the same as my umbreller did a elderly party one mornin' throu 1 me givin' a suddin rush not for to fall under a butcher's cart a comin' round ■ ' a corner that suddin, as all drives the sames, that reckless, as the sayin* is, and s, did ought to be pullechip, as I were pretty sharp by that old "gent's stick as he caught me a cropper across the shins, with a 'ollerin' out, " Where the devil are you comin' to, you ugly old cat ?" as well he might feel angry, for my umbreller i'ad been and swep' 'is'at off along with 'is lwig, as he'd took a pride in tryin , to look young in, for he'd been and died 'is whiskers to match, as showed the grey at the roots. Well, I says, I begs to pollygize, but you needn't use sich langwidge to a lady as am a stranger, and as to bein' old and ugly, will give you a bit oi'adwice, as ain't no chicken yourself, as is noi to die your 'air with coarsestick, as don't look well, and will eat into your constitushun, but use them wegetables, as I've 'card say it's a good plan to bake your 'cad in cabbage leaves, only look out as the hovin ain't too 'ot, as might bring it all off in a lump ; so I wishes you a good day. I wouldn't sile ni y paper nor your ears with the words wot that old man called arterme, as wore ang widge as no dogfancier wouldn't use n spcakin' to a fieldniale, let alone a adv. As shall rite again soon, so no more at present, but am sorry to 'ear as you've 'ad sich a bad 'arvist, as talkin'ofit reminds ~ me as I've been dreadful trubled with my own corns, tho' the 'eat 'ere ain't been notliink to speak on yet ; and remains, vrs truely. Some persons boast that they are free-thinkers, when their only stock in trade is, that they are free from thinking. 1 Sir have you read the ode I composed to sleep ?"—"Oh yes and it composed me to sleep." "•'i don't think, madam, that your inland manners would suit me." "Propably they wouldn't, sir, for yours are j very outlaiulk-h."