ONE THING AND ANOTHER.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 3, Issue 267, 7 February 1879, Page 3

ONE THING AND ANOTHER.

(Collated from our Exchanges.)

An Irishman has always an answer for anything. A Corkonian, on being asked at breakfast how he came by " that black eye," said " he had slept on his fist." On Monday last, two University students were wrangling in George street, one contending that it was only proper to say. " niy wages is high," while the other noisily insisted that the correct thing was "my wages are high." Finally they stopped a Corporation laborer, and submitted the question to him ; " Which do you say,' your wages is high,' or ' your wages are high ?" "Oh I to the devil wid yer nonsense," he said resuming his pick, " yer nayther ov yer right; me wages is low, tundhering low." Here is an episode of the Indian war:— "Ish the scheneral around," asked an excited Israelite as the United States troops passed through Siatuka recently in pursuit of the fleeing Bannocks. " Well, my man," said Howard, reining in his horse, "what is it? Speak quick." "I am a room' man, scheneral. Dem cursed redskins, dey murder my boy ■ Shacob about fife miles from here and stheal a dozen pair of pants he vos peddlin'. New pants, so hell'ip me kracious—right out of my store !" " Sorry for your loss, my man; but haven't time to talk about it vow. If we catch up with these demons we'll stop their devilries for good and all." "Yes, I know scheneral, I know," eagerly whisr pered the bereaved ready-made merchant hanging desperately to the officer's stirrup. "Dot's all right; but yen you come up mit doze Indians wot got doze new pants on, for kracious sake, scheneral, tole the soldiers to shoot high." A Scotch Sunday-school teacher, who. was teaching his class about Cain and Abel, asked one of his scholars :--" Where did Cain go after he killed Abel ?" "He went to bed, sir," was the reply. _ " Went to bed! Where did you get that information?" asked the teacher. "It's in the chapter, sir, that Cain, after he killed Abel, went to the Land of Nod." Terrible as is the disaster of the Scottish Bank failure, there was one characteristic incident with a gleam of humor in it. An old maiden lady, who was a post-mistress and telegraph agent at Wick, had all her savings in the local branch of the City of Glasgow Bank. A message came through early addressed to the manager, instructing him not to open the doors, as the Bank hadj suspended payment. The old lady presented herself at the branch at the opening hour, and drew out all her cash. She then proceeded to the Bank parlor and informed the manager that as an important telegraphic message had arrived" for him, she had just brought it along herself! The lock-out of agricultural laborers in Kent and Sussex is extending, and it is stated thatmuchbad feeling is arising from the fact that the farmers, finding the laborers unwilling to accept the reduced wages, are increasing the number of orders for evictions from the cottages. Mr Simmons, the General Secretary of the Kent and Sussex Laborers' Union, reports that in the East Kent district alone there are between 900 and 1000 men, women,, and children suddenly deprived, of subsistence and upon that account they have all been taken upon the funds of the Kent and Sussex Laborers' Union; about 350 of those people are under notice of ejectment from their cottages. Arrangements for 500 of the locked-out men to march to London are no «v being made. It is stated that many large employers of labor have offered to employ some of the locked-out men,, and a fund has been opened to assist those laborers who desire to emigrate. At a meeting of the Executive Committee of the Union, held at Maidstone on Tuesday, it was unanimously resolved to accept the offer of the Canadian Government to devote upwards of 5000 acres of land to locked-out laborers

Though generally grave, the Ameer of Afghanistan is not averse to indulging in a joke, and several times during his trip Umballa chaffed the English officers. On one occasion the joke was certainly not appreciated by the person to whom it was uttered. A certain high official was entering a station with him. The wife of this high official, no longer very young or pretty, bnt with an immense idea of her own importance, went ont on an elephant' in company with another lady, not more remarkable for beauty than herself, to see the Ameer arrive. The Ameer caught sight of the two ladies, and, directing his companion's attention to them said, giving him a nudge with his elbow, " Sly dogs, sly dogs ! You are just like us ! You leave all the good-looking ones at hdtne, eh ?"