THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 3, Issue 251, 13 December 1878, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

" Shake off Doll Sloth, and —"

" Rouseabout."

" 'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished " in this lethargic district, isn't it ? " 'Tia passing strange, my masters," but if there is ajiy level drinking to be done on the dead-head principle, then are the major portion of the masculine gender " on" with alacrity and a tumbler ; but make it tlie supporting of a movement, which has ! for its principal object the encouragement of the youth of both sexes in healthy intellectual and mechanical competition, such as the Industrial Exhibion is intended for, then is the contrary seen, and a praiseworthy movement for an excellent purpose ', is allowed to languish and ultimately die for the lack of that support which it is, I consider, the duty of ever father of a household, and every preacher, teacher, and elect of the people to support. I am induced to " stir up the mud " by observing how apathetic everyone seems to be over the Industrial Show which is to take place in a few days. More power to Mrs Montgomery, my old bees Ivess, and the anony-

raous Five-pounder ; but what a disgrace it is for one to observe that the principal support accorded to the movement appears, nt thq present time, to come from outsiders. What are our leaders and teachers thinking of ? How well a present and prospective Mayor's prize, a County Chairman's prize, Eoad Board Chairmen's prizes, Councillors', Parsons', Pedagogues', Traders', and others' prizes would appear, and how bad it looks for our leaders to allow a drunken sundowner to "set them a go" in this matter. As we used to say in Trinity, Dublin—we ought not to think " Non nobis solum" (only for ourselves, my Lord). " Tis never too late to mend." so " rouseabout," gentlemen, and remember that— " The man may last, but never lives, Who much receives, but never gives." It did not happen at Akaroa, although we will suppose that it might have occurred in some other town in Canterbury. There was a brisk Mayoral contest in, suppose we say, the capital city, and among those who took an active part in canvassing was a prominent citizen, whose morals are—morals. The burgesses of the place I mention reside many of them at a distance ; so our moral friend undertook to look some of them up, among the number being a gentleman who, judging from his powers of transposing words, altering sentences, and mixing up his parts of speech, must be a brother to Mrs Partington, of blessed memory. The moral canvasser started on his embassy, and discovered Mr Partington, in company with four or five friends, just in front of a pub. "Ah," said the moral and energetic, " how are you, Mr Partington ? You have a vote for ! If you have not promised your vote. I wish to solicit it in favor of my candidate." " Well," replied Mr Partington, " I was thinking of taking part in the morality affair over your \va3-, but" A roar of laughter from the friends present, a hasty ejaculation, together with a terribly flushed face, from the canvasser, brought Mr Partington up short, so that the remainder of his remarks met with an untimely end. Adjourning to the pub. in the company of that canvasser, Mr P. was considerably startled !>y being asked "what the sweetly pretty lio meant l>y insulting a fellow. ,, Mr I. made his companion understand that for morality ho meant Mayoralty; and to this very hour Mr P. is puzzlrti to know what it was th.it upset tho bile, so suddenly, of that moral canvasser. " Men are the sport of circumstances, when The circumstances seem * tho sport of men."' If you wish to eradicate an evil, there is nothing like going tw <lo it properly. So think I, and so thinks the Inspector of Nuisances. We have recently had our olfactories tickled witli a first-class local imitation of the •' slinks of Cologne ;" from one end of the bench to the other, although patchy in places, we have revelled in perfume of the kind known as ai'omatique diabolus, and so powerful was this concentrated essence in one particular patch that it fairly knocked " the beak " out of time, off his legs, and on his back, whare he lay kicking at the abomination: Like myself, " the beak." does not believe in enduring what is not beyond curing ; so, after recovering from the surfeit of sniff stink, he interviewed the I. of X. on tho balmy subject. The 1. of N. was rather sceptical as to the powerfiilness. of the odour objected to ; he fulled to distinguish any of the perfumes emanating from the essential oil of dead cat and putrescent vegetable matter ; he thought " the beak " must have tho smell of hisow n Court-house lingering around his nostrils, but to satisfy " all whom it might concern " he would call in the professional advice of Professor Glanders, the eminent stinkist. The services of this excellent parfunder were then culled into use ; ho was taken to the patch, which ho leered nt knowingly; after a heavy inhalation, he, with a " Burleighan shake of the head," expressed his opinion that there was "tuimtnat in it," and forthwith he commenced to "stir it up with a long pule." If the I. of N. had any previous doubts as to the power of perfumes, one whiff of the odoriferous sent flying by Professor Glanders settled them all. It was just as powerful asthe'Egyptian darkness. What was to be done now ? Professor Glanders had " stirred up " with a vengeance; but ge.iius, although sometimes conquered, is never defeated, so a pound of carbolic acid powder was obtained, and the path of the rising tide was strewed with that disinfectant. It's a fact, the waters of Akaroa Bay have all been deodorized! Mrs Balfour wrote that— " Genius is rarely found without some mixture of eccentricity, as the strength of spirit is proved by the bubbles on its surface." Tenvpus fugit ! My dear King Jacob the first, do you know that those two little words mean, in low Dutch, " time flies," and haven't you and I, in our own persons, proved the truth of the truism. To descend from the king to the commons, from the ridiculous to the sublime, from myself to — My Dear Readers, —It is now the third occasion upon which I, Mr John Sundowner—Jack upon other occasions—have had the pleasure of wishing the patrons of the Akauoa Mail the compliments of the forthcoming season, to beg your kindly feelings for my many shortcomings as a newspaper scribe, and to again assure you that, in my many effusions, I have never wantonly intended to hurt the feelings or tender susceptibilities of any one of } r our number. If ray gossip has amused, it has achieved its end. £Tow, as my friend John Beecher says, I will " take a back seat." On behalf of the proprietors of this journal, I have to thank you individually and collectively for past favors received, and, as my other friend Gjmvood puts it, to requeiSt from you a continuance of the same. Our little " bantling of the Press" has had its infantile troubles, but with the aid of your kind assistance, patronage, and support, the present proprietors trust to rear " the brat," and develope it into Bturdy manhood. Ring down the curtain to impressive music, Mr Wiggins, whilst Jack buckles up the swag, turns a pirouette on one toe, makes his final bow for 1878, and comes again before the curtain to wish every reader of the Akaboa Mail " A Merry Christmas and a Joyods New Year !" "This is the time when the grey old man Leaps back to'the days of. youth ; When brows and eyes wear no disguise, But flush and gleam with truth : Oh, then is the tirng when the soul exults, And seems right heavenward turning ; When we love and bless the hands we • press, When the Christmas l«g 18 burning!" Good-bye.