THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 3, Issue 232, 8 October 1878, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

"Turn again, :Whjttii3gtonl" : ~.i . :.." Acrobatism." I am in training. It'am about toYeriter myself as a competitor,..for .ithe Mayor&l Stakes, and, as, a, preliminary,' I ani going through a course of s,weating exercises in municipal law, by-laws',., points o£ T bi;der, you're another, arid step outside;and I'll sfliow'you what's what. In additiph to this, I am lubricating my ; mental 5 joints with midnight oil; distorting my visage l i>3* practising the smile, seductive,- 'the', smile insinuating, the smile affable r ihe/jsmile patronising, the sprile supercilious, and .the smile of superiority; IV have also, as"-part "of the training business, been dislocating... my, lqwer jaw, and wringingmy in.qutb '.around to both ears/ in.trying to cOlrie' life-wink at Mamma and < kiss ttlie baby business—l fancy I shall succeed!admirably 'iri" the i latter piece of electioneering, tact, that is I if I do not- transpose- 'the : kissing7and! winking on too many," occasions. -Add to,. air "these preliriiinafy troubles to>vard " achieving : greatness " that I have been venting my eloquence - upon innumerable imaginary meetings of ratepayers, that I have,*.'sawed the air" with gestures arid feats of pantomime wellnigh demoniacally wild in their intensity, that, J; have.forgot whisky and loafing in: my desire.. to rise above " the vulgar herd, 1 ' and then you may faintly comprehend the superhuman, efforts I am making to climb irito that heat,' of nests—the Mayor'snesti Pedigree, hey ! ? Well, now, I just fancy I have a pedigree that has a lot of." staying power." What jiathere better than that " nick ", of the Loafer and Tramp blood, beside there is the Vagrant, Vagabond, Cadger and Rough strain, and if that is not fashionable breeding why call mo Vere de Vere.' That's it— " Milton to Stilton does give in, And Solomon to salmon; And Roger Bacon is a boar, ■ And Francis Bacon gammon." Who is Biushqr? I want to know Brusher ! Me and Brother Story want to do honor and homage to Brusher—in fact, we want to embrace Brusher, and, give us '

a show, we will do the genteel. squeeze to j Brasher. We—Brother Story and me— intend to build a grotto of oyster shellstogether with a Storeian squirt in the "front garding," and a plaster of paris camellia -- all a growin' and a blowin'" — i in honor of Brusher. Never again that nonsense aboM ! sweetness on the bosh about the v doingssol' men jof' genius \ being whilst ;-th"e ieaid' geniuses* arisen the' Brusher, in the"realms* pf and "fpreninst" the beak,Kha> conclusively proved the falsity,of Bglh%payirj|gia gWiaus tribute I to Brother,' Story's genius.' in* bricks and mortar, in these", imperishable words :— ' " If it hadn't been for Story's chimney the house would have fallen down." Brusher —query, is Biusherthe original old Brusher that Caton is so fond of addressing ?—we Story and me again—thank you, not only for your just appreciation of our professional ~bgt,, alao for: your • -• three honest carpenters," which tjhree original ■ specimens of the "noblest woik". shall, have, each-of them, a grotto to their immaculate honor* Happy thought, Brusher, show those carpenters, jack-planes and "cramps included, round the country,- ;Gabriel's Gully in its palmiest days will be' small „coal Jind qinderscomparicHo"the •• patch** you;will ''drop on."" '"Three honest carpenters"— 'jthree tailors of Tooley street!" Whft, ; a| sjtiiange.siunlfiiityJntnumber;" 'Honesty l\ j Ah, me and my.br other -knows .that*-'-'

I •-■-..<,4. Y/:''Y| Dwells' like'a miser/m a poor house ; !As your pearl in your foiil oyster." , ,■ ji - j Says m'y-"___Kd ""'J4&^Birothers; ':Jatnes''' :i a„ct Co.', "'the wood dealers:—" Jack, you—are" tolerably, fast iri taking liquor ditto, butj hunt upan old score of some two years' standing, I have received a .letter,- in reply to my application for payment, which just beats your powers of gratuitous 1 advice into a coaked hat. Here is.the letter, read it." I took.thele.tter,,andread the following :-€• *' Gentiemehj-t-I hope you's will- take it in gopd part in my : giving a little advice, namely, take care of your ready money. I do not spend it in buying law -with it, for if you spend your money in law you will-assuredly lose it. Law is a 'very powerful thing, but -powerful as it is, it cannot draw money put of an empty pocket. When; you have received this you will not have me to blame,, but your own selves if you throv*- away your money in law. P.S.—ln th<* matter of a law suit, the man with empty pockets wins the case, for an empty pocket cannot pay ; but the full pocket must pay, sb that it iB is unwise entering into law." "How is that for high, Jack,?" said Mr James. "Decidedly gamey," was my reply, "you had better cook that haunch of venison quick, but, joking apart, the advice is good and sound; there is 'either six and eight or thirteen and! four sticking out." '• Adviqey. be jingbed;" retorted Sanies, thoroughly/irate, lam sorry'tb l say 'he was, " advice.does, not pay a just debt; you, you old humbug, are fonder of giving the'former than pay r ing the latter, and with you it is a case/of' ' a fellow feeling, makes; one wondrous kind,;'" "Let me down easy, Mister," replied I, " and answer your correspondent as Punch parodied. the. '-Jingo- song,' thus":— nO'Y- '■■•■ ■■■ ; ■ - ;,: '' '' ''' We don't, want to %ht,<Bu't|"by jingo; if you do. We've got the ink, we've got the pens, And we've got the papers top.''

The Rail way T I am just full of doubts as to | whether; Akaroa requires a railway now, or even if the telegraph is of that vital importance which we have hitherto supposed it, to be. It has just come 'home to me that perhaps the, ancients; who muddle over the colony's business, in the metropolis, knew ; what L/kqow\ about Barpull's journey to Chfisichur6n, v and the wonderful time he made over it.. ■_ feel sure they must 1 have knbwri 'it,' which ac r . counts: at onceif or then? throwing over "'the people's William;"—shiver my timbers-*----the RailW, \W% M jffl mAlk settlers. * It happened in this-way :—Hammer had business; matters i -te-Christchurch', arid, he/informed Barpull' .of -his contemplated journey.' "Barpull also had'business in the same city, 1 of iaricied he had, so he proffered; •to ,_ccoi*flpa_y* Hammer, who was pleased at the idea of haying a genially social, ling com--pariion. |tfw&& arranged'thai:-the-journey' should commence ia the ev.emng,-the night .being piassed at the 'Hill Topi so that their destination .could be reached Sarfy; on the following f day.', , appointed/ tf mti ld_ _rri ved,' "Hammer was punctual,; BarpuU was not,, but after sundry—y-fe'll skip *the ytttft yf&tf blade," All went 'Wellj 'w-as' 1 passed;' H'ainmer . ftjip the ■» Mill } -ib uH" sifter' going a shprt, distance finds Ino Barputtf ollowing iri his tracks. Somewhat alarmedhe.(H.) returned to the nearest pub, only to ! find that Barpull had no|t'beenjseq.sjne© he' (jet;) passed'on his 1 journey j again Haipnier starts, and again he has 'to"return' in se„rch of his: riiate. .arid fohilstf. prepwihg to start for the.ithjbd'iti_aeilip? . rides Bilrpull. " Why,,, BarpHll," $aM sflantifter,; "I Christchurch with' J-whtere have you been ?" \ l _ees" ; wasithe rejoinder, " why I—hie—'ye—hie—been there, had couple— hie—drinks with Snorumjl !ani-+„ic — going hoipe bed—hip—ol''fellar." WjOn-. derf ul' f f alve'llirigy _tit' 'Hamrrie'r '.ia sc'ep'ti-. tibal>as to the truth of ■_iar|n_w i afsser„6n. , My opinion is that. , v ■-.•>•■ •-,,•'. .-,- ---" 'Tis only some dry leaves rustling by, l\ /Onlyithe breath,of a-sunnier sigh, •■o \ < V..A nosegay t #3Vby; tlheifbidside*eulleay -j Childhood's sweet clamour at .evening .-;' ~; l ulled, ' Only the notes -of p(r ude ref rajn,''; :;'■';! Only tho f rriit of a restless brain." : '"'" Goodbye/ '