THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 2, Issue 208, 16 July 1878, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

" Out of ths way !"

Reminiscences of D. Tucker, sen,

What an unconscionable long time it does take te effect the removal of a long r standing nuisance — self, to wit -r- or a worn-outbuilding thali has had ita, day. Age must beget a species of love or veneration, otherwise how ie it that that dark' and dingy den where justice is located, and drunks admonished and punished, is still allowed to cumber the earth of this go-ahead city ? ,1 wonder did I read or did I dream that, months and months since, a sum of money was voted by the members of the House of, Bepresentativea for the building: 0f...» new Court-house for Akaroa, and, later on, that a communication waa received by eomepne from someone to the effect ■" that the Colonial Architect was preparing plana" for the edifice in question. Nothing more,.dear boys, have I' heard or ■ dreamt about this matter. Now, is not this a matter upon which the Borough Council might bestir themselves? Would it not be more creditable and seemly for them to be moving in this matter than to be eplitting etraws and disgracefully squabbling among themselves? Would it not prove; to the burgesses that they were alive to one of the? pressing wants of the Borough ? Would it not——oh, I am sick of the Borough Council and their disgraceful jangling; seems to me that they thinkv" you're another" to be the end and aim of existence. I want that dilapidated dark dungeon «f &:■*) run-'em-in"_ ehorj wiped out, for, from certain premonitory symptoms, coupled with having twigged Buffles eyeing me, I feel five shillings and costs is looming for me in the future, and I want to make my next public appearance in a building which ■ shall do me credit. " People's William," " down with his house"—that's " Beakum's," you know— and then I will endeavor, to carry out this precept of Solomon's i--* *• ■

" Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips." ! .

I like tp see a-wanderer .from, return to the land of his adoption ;-ifc gladdens me to see the familiar face beaming with renewed health, and to'hear again l 'the genial tones of the well-remembered voice,. I felt all this, and said a lot more to the same purport, a few weeks since when, being a passenger by the Hawea, I came across my good old friend John Roederer, the Christchurch pub.,; who was'returning, renewed and re-invigorated, from a trip to Europe.. I thought of the days that were gone, nights and liquids ditto, and, altogether, what with reminiscences of the; past, sea sickness, mixed drinks, and bad tabacco, got into a spoony state of dismal rejoicing that was the reverse of enjoyable.! Fortunately, my friend Hammer, the auctioneer, was with me, and with his stentorian aid I pulled through.'' On our: arrival at the Christchurch" railway stati6n| I was astonjehed at observing a carriage: and four, asid a considerable concourse ofj the leading inhabitants of'the!" city. :pi: the plains." Turning to Hammer, I remarked i " Hallo, EL, the old Adamite game again I suppose—some father's son is taking some mother's daughter ' for better or worse, for richer , "—^-Not;a,bit of it, Jack," said Hammer, "this carriage is for "Roederer j and these are his friends. You will ob* serve that in Christchurch there is more joy over one publican that returneth than over ninety-nine old swipers—who never shir.ked liquor—thatrepentetfi andjpineth the Good Templars." I was. a'stoupded,. and hi the words of " Fritz"* enquired— " Ish dat so ? " Ah, well— 1

." The end crowns all, And that, old "arbitrator^;;Time, Will one day"end it;."'

I begin to believe'that I am one of th^ ; most truthful and veracious of chroniclers, whatever my disparagers may thinkor say to tbe contrary,; I do not believe in the "whited sepulchre" kind of trade, and, bagman - like, : endeavor not t to ihave " |a : line in stock" of- that commodity. If I, hear a g'ood'thing said in a public-hpuse that I think is worth passing note," ,1 state where I received myrinformation, and do not, in print, transpose the .bar'of a pub. into the sanctimonious respectability of a " Little Bethel." Of course, we have all our own' particular standard-as to what constitutes a, verbal t " good.thing," but ] I |iold that inkny things™ are %norarifcly' arid innocently said through! the medium of butchered English and malpronunciatibn. Now for my yarn—lt was in.the bail'of Ja pubi/tad jie was strutting up and down with an, eye on the belong-? ings, and a kind of air about him which seemedto sayrr"l am monarch of all'T survey." He was loud-voiced, rather arrogant, somewhat dictatorial, and expressed himself,as—-if I say, so, it is so, and must and shajl be so. I was rather struck with his imperative style, his attitudes, his gesticulations, his conversational abilities, his flow of language, and, oh, ye the r,uthjees naaiiner w wkich b,e murdered oy,r.

mother tongue and transposed words and sentences.. Says he —" You Akaroa duffers growl about wanting more communication $oik>-Bteam. I think you are well served, better-yon can be, what more do you .want than having two such deficient boats -call in as the Diarrhoea and Toko ; what more I axes " I beat a retreat. It was too much for my risible faculties, In his own way the spouter was deluding to the Hawea and Taupo, and that was how he the names. From the complacency of the individual I should judge that this description of Chaucer's would fit him :— ." My mynde to me a kyngdome is, Such preasente joyes therein I fynde, That it excells all other hlisse, That earth affordes or growes by kynde.', ■■■-•T-gttfUggifmMg"to-feel that'"l am sadly ajone, not a creature to"—keep me company in my peculiar' .way of posting up tne readers of this journal. I used to think that therewas.pleasantness in the paths of journalism when I had my little say in the news columns, and "Venus," dear charmer, wade&lfito.tHe advertising part.' ; But now. it ha's "gradually da"wned upon me, , with a ." twist," that " Venu^"Hvith ! h'er " clothespegs, egg-cups, cnt-up, small-tooth-combs, scentpd soap, and gbut niixtute,"- has deserted me, and become a black-board renegade. " Venus," dearest, ''cans 'you leave your adoring and somewhat beery Jack for the unsympathetic bosom of a black-board? Vulgar, plebeian, chalk, is not' the article for your complexion. Never sing your " little song" in euch society. Do i re me if I can understand you forgetting your sweet self, and J! debaging " n>e by cutting;,my society iat & back-door kind of advertising- which owed its local origin Vmarejs nest.",, .'Dearest and sweetest! I thought you,.an; original, not a paltry copyist, imitating and following what yon have affected to despise. Excuse me if I "cut up" awkward ; my outraged and lacerated feelings must be my apology. I know "how Sad it is to cay farewell" to those one loves, and " Venus," old hoss, my own Siamese, *' think of your head in the morning," keep: it level, ; ;and do the right thing by returning, to the open arms of your " willin' Barkis " —that's me, your darling dipspmaniacallyf Johnny. Ah ! " I could a tale unfold," but '""buck-saw " me at three and sjx if 1 will. Cruel and coy rooster, read - this epigram :'—r

*' Once Venus, deeming Love too fat, ; , Stopped:,all his rich, ambrosial dishes, Dooming the boy to live onchat, ; ' '' ? To sup on aongs and dine on wishes. Love, lean and lank, flew off to prowl— [ The. starveling Bow.to Beauty boasted ; He could have munched Minerva's owl, . . Or Juno's peacock, boiled or toasted. At last, half famished, almost dead, He shot his mother's doves for dinner; Young Lula, passing, shook her head, • Cried' Love — 'A Bhot at you, you sinner! ".V \'.v ;//]_■• ; ' Oh ! net at me ! r —she.urged her flight— i 'I'm neither dove, nor,lark, nor etar- ■ HngP -■ ' •• ; ' No!' fainting Cupid cried,,'not quite, ■ '' '' But then' yota're such k'' duck; my dar- ..-,,•.' ■, . 'Gfood-bye.