TESTING THE DOCTOR.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 2, Issue 195, 31 May 1878, Page 3

TESTING THE DOCTOR.

._—:—*_. • The New York World tells a good story of a medical action in a Kentucky Court. A doctor named Royston had sued a farmer named Peter Bennett for an account long over due for attending Bennett's wife. The doctor proved his number of visits, their value according to local custom, and his own authority to do medical practice. The counsel for the defence told his client that the physician had made but his case, and as there was nothing wherewith to rebut or otfset the claim, the only thing left to do ytas to pay it. " No," 6aid Peter ; I hired you to speak to my case, and now speak." The lawyer told him there was nothing to say ; he had looked on to see that it was made out, and it was. Peter was obstinate, and at last the learned gentleman told him to make a speech himself, if he thought one could he made. " I will," said Peter, and proceeded forthwith:— " Gentlemen of the jury : You and I is plain farmers, and if we don't stick '

together these 'ere lawyers and doctors will git the advantage of us.' I ain't no lawyer nor doctor and I ain't no objections to them in their proper place; but they ain't -farmers, gentleman of the jury. Now, this man Royston was a new doctor, and I went for him for to come an' doctor my wife's sore leg. And he come an put some salve truck onto it and some rags, but never done it one bit of good, gentlemen of the jury. I don't believe he is no doctor, no way. There is doctors as is doctors sure enough, hut this man don't earn his money ; and if you send for him, as Mrs Sarah Atkinson did, for a negro boy as was worth 1,000, dols. he just kills him, and wants pay for it. ? ' "Idon't," thundered the doctor. . Did you cure him ?" asked Peter, with the slow accents of a judge with the black cap on. The doctor was silent, and Peter proceeded :— "As I was sayin', gentlemen of the jury, we farmers, whenvre sell our cotton, has got to give vally for the money we ask, and doctors ain't none too good to be put to the same rule. And I don't believe this Sam Royston is no doctor, nohow," The physician again put in his oar, with, "Look at my diploma if you think I am no doctor." "His diploma!" exclaimed the newfledged orator with great contempt. " His diploma ! Gentlemen, this is a big word for printed sheepskin, and it didn't make no doctor of the sheep as first wore it, nor does it of the man as now carries it. A good newspaper has more in it, and I pint out to ye that he ain't no doctor at all." The man of medicine was now in a fury, and screamed out. " Ask my patients ifl am not a doctor !" " I asked my wife," retorted Peter, " an' she said as how she thought you wasn't." " Ask my other patients," said Dr. Royston. This seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back, for Peter replied with look and tone of unutterable sadness :— " That is a hard sayin', gentlemen of the jury, and one that requires me to die, or to have powers as I've hearn tell ceased to be exercised since the Apostles. Does he expect me to bring the Angel Gabriel down to toot his horn before his time, and cry aloud, ' Awake ye dead, and tell this court and jury your opinion of Royston's practice ?' Am Itogo to the lonely churchyard and rap on the silent tomb, and say to them as is at last at rest from physic and doctor-bills, ' Git up here, you, and state if you died a natural death, or was hurried up some by doctors V He says ask his patients, and, gentlemen of the jury, they are all dead ! Where is Mrs Beazley's man, Sam ? Go ask the worms in the graveyard where he lies. Mr Peake's woman, Sarah, was attended by him, and her funeral was app'inted, and he had the corpse ready. Where is that likely Bill , as belonged to Mr Mitchell ? Now in glory an' expressin' his opinion on Royston's doctorm'. Where is that baby girl of Harry Stephens' ? She are where doctors cease from troublm', and the infants are at rest. " Gentlemen of the jury, he has et chicken enough at my house to pay for his salve ; and I furnished the rags, aud I don't suppose he charges for makin' of her worse, and even he don't pretend to charge for curin' of her, and I am humble thankful that he never give her nothin' for her inwards, as he did his other patients, for somethin' made nm all die mighty sudden—" Here the applause made th© speaker sit down in great confusion, and in spite of a logical restatement of the case by the counsel on the other side the doctor lost, and Peter Bennett won.