LINES WRITTEN AFTER A BATTLE.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 2, Issue 172, 12 March 1878, Page 3

LINES WRITTEN AFTER A BATTLE.

" SUJE are the warrior's muscles Congealed, alas! his chyle ; No more in hostile tussles Will he excite his bile. Dry is tbe epidermis, A vein no longer bleeds, And the communis vermis Upon the warrior feeds. Compressed, alas ! the thorax That throbbed with joy or pain ; Not even a dose of borax Could make it throb again. Dried up the warrior's throat is. And shattered, too, his head ; Still is the epiglottis— The warrior is dead."

A Georgetown parson, who is also a school-teacher, handed a problem to a class, in mathematics, the other day. The first boy took it, looked at it a while, and said, " I pass." Second boy started at it, and drawled out, " I can't make it." " Very well, boys," said the parson, " we'll proceed to cut for a new deal," and with this remark the leather strap danced like lightning over the shoulders of those depraved mathematicians. — American paper.

Scolding Woman (to Husband No. 2): '" Oh, if you only knew the difference between you, you wretch, and my first husband ! " Husband : " Ido know the difference. He is happy now that he has left you, and I was happy before I got you."

A Darwinian philosopher was brought before a justice on a charge of drunkenness. In defence, he said, " Your worship, I am a Darwinian, and I have, I think, discovered the origin of my unfortunate tendency. One of my remotest grandfathers was an anthropoid of a curious turn of mind. One morning, about 4,391,633 b.c, he was looking over his store of cocoauuts, when he picked up one for his breakfast in which the milk had fermented. He drank the liquor and got gloriously drunk, and ever after he always kept his cocoanuts until fermentation took place. Judge, then, whether a tendency, handed down through innumerable" ancestors should not be taken in my defence." Casting a sarcastic look at the prisoner, the justice said, " I am sorry the peculiar arrangement of the atoms of star dust resulted in giving me a disposition to sentence you to pay a fine of five shillings and cost."