FUN IN THE COURT ROOM

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 2, Issue 168, 26 February 1878, Page 3

FUN IN THE COURT ROOM

An American paper gives the following : —The dull monotony of our court proceedings was enlivened one day last week in the case of the Commonwealth against Dobson, in which the defendant was accused of assault upon a young lady named Hetler, by kissing her against her will. The plaintiff complained that Dobson, " by force of arms, malice aforethought, and instigated by the devil, did then and there violently assault, waylay," etc. She told her story in a plain, straightforward kind of way, to the effect that she was enjoying the evening breezes while leaning over her father's fence, and that William Dobson came along, seized her by the hands, and forcibly pulling her over the palisade, committed the assault for which she claimed redress at the hands of the law. A sister of the complainant testified that she did not see the alleged impropriety, because of the darkness, and she being in another part of the yard, but she heard a kiss, or something that sounded like a kiss, and knew that something was going on.

Dobson claimed the privilege of being his own witness, and he told the part of the story omitted by Miss Hetler and her sister. He is a jolly specimen of an Englishman. His narrative of the occurrence in which he had become involved, runs as follows :—

Dobson —Yer see, yer 'oner, I was walking along, singing " What will the 'arvest be ?"

Gen. McCartney (couucil for the plaintiff, disposed to have some fun while confusing the witness) —You were singing "What will the 'arvest be?" (closely imitating the intonation of the witness). Dobson (very composedly)— Yes sir, " What will the 'arvest be ?" Gen. McCartney—"What will the 'arvest be ?" Dobson (unruffled) —" What will the 'arvest be?" Gen. McCartney: Well, go on, sir. Dobson—Yer see, yer' onor, I was going along, singing " What will the 'arvest be?" when I heard Mary singing " What will the 'arvest be?" Gen. McCartney—She was singing, " What will the 'arvest be?" By this time there were decided evidences of merriment all over the court room ; but Dobson remained as imperturbable as though officiating at a funeral. Dobson—Yes, sir. She were singing, " What will the 'arvest be," but not so loud as I was, and I called out, " Hollo, Mary, be that you?" and she said it be. I went up to the fence, and she said were hall halone, has her father 'ad gone to " class." Gen. McCartney—Gone to class ? what did she mean by that ? Dobson—Why, any fool knows what " class" means. Her father had gone to class meeting, and left 'er hall halone. We chatter a little and then

Gen. McCartney—Well, you have heard her testimony. You seized her, pulling her over the fence and kissed her?

Dobson—No. That testimony is false. We talk awhile, and she sort of leaned hover the fence—like as if she wanted me to—and just then satan got the best of me, and I kissed 'er right on the mouth, t found out " What will the 'arvest be," and I think she was a heasy prey.

Here the gravity of the court, counsellors and spectators gave way, and seldom in a court of justice has there been, such a scene nf unoontrolabl* l hiWionsness. Jμ I I:\niing fiiiriy roared himself h>-arse with It. n/liter, and all business was suspended i<.r several minutes to allow those in thecuirt.-roont to recover their equanimity. Dobson was acquitted of the assault, but must pay half the cost of the suit as his share of the " 'arvebt."