SCISSORS.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 2, Issue 167, 22 February 1878, Page 3

SCISSORS.

There were two of them hanging over the front gate the other night. She was standing within the gate and he on the sidewalk outside, both leaning on the top-rail, and apparently as happy as two pigs in a cornfield. He ' was saying, " Now, my own little darling, sweet idol of my soul, whose image is ever on my heart,,' When he saw the old man coming clown the front walk, and continued in a different strain, " potato bugs haven't destroyed our crops so much since we purchased Paris green, and you will find also that cabbages can be raised better on a richer soil." .The old gentleman heard it and turned back, saying, as he entered the house, " These young people take more interest in agricultural affairs than people generally suppose,"—American paper.

The expense of the Guildhall banquet is borne by tbe Corporation and a pretty penny it costs these officials. Their share amounts to £700 each, and in consideration of that outlay they have the proud privilege of inviting 44 guests between them. This year, owing I believe to some understanding among the purveyors, there was no competition for the supply of the dinner ; the order was occordingly given to Bertram and Roberts. The cost per head is, I am told, 32s or 335. To my mind, the most amusing part of the entertainment was the dance in the Library ; for there you saw elderly gentlemen going through quadrille after quadrille with a solemnity worthy of a better cause, and young City " swells " in all the rapture of youthful abandon. A heavy dinner is not the best preparative for dancing ; for as an elderly matron pathetically remarked, the saltatory exercise " do stir everything up so ! " — Whitehall Review.

As Manager Hill was wending his way homeward last evening, and chuckling over the California's big houses, he suddenly came upon a cigar store, the proprietor of which had just put out a new sign in the shape of an enormous grotesque figure in wood. The acting Manager stole softly up behind this work of art and dilivered a terrible kick upon its unconscious posterior. As Mr Hill was having his splintered toe tied up in the corner drug-store, he was asked why he had assaulted the figure. " Why, you see," groaned the actor," I thought it was one of our Black Crook stipe's who was drunk, and had walked off with one of my new demon dresses. We have lost a vampire and two elegant ' skuldawelps ' already this week." He was carried home on a bill-board.

One of the very richest of the old type of pastoral settlers said the other day, to an acquaintance: " Do you know the worst thing that ever happened these colonies ?" " No !" said the person addressed, " I don't know. What do you say ?" " I say the rise in the price of wool some years ago." His friend was astonished at this opinion from one of whom it was once said that his sheep were in " countless thousands." " How is that, Mr ," pursuing the subject. " I'll tell you," .said the tough old sheepowner, "it raised up a lot of Umbrella Squatters—fellows, sir, that carry silk parasols, and think their hands are to show their diamond rings !" The young are guileless, but observant. As we were passing along Main Street a little boy overtook us. He was on bis way from Sunday School. He said—" Say, do you think it's just the cheese to do as they do in the Sunday School library ? " Failing to see the connection of cheese with the question, we asked him to explain. " Well, it is just this," he obligingly added. " They ain't got the right kind of books for boys, and so they poke off other stuff on us by dodgers. It's too thin, I tell you. Now see here, if you was a little boy and you should ?ee a book called ' Arthur in •America,' what would

you think ?" " What would we think ?" we mechanically asked, scarcely grasping the significance of the question. " Yes, what would you tljird: ? . Wouldn't you think that it was aba:!- a. hoy n;;tn-d Arthur travelling ar.-i'iml America?" he asked, with an expression of anxiety wrinkling his youthful face. '• Yes, we should," was our unhesitating reply. " Ha ! and that's where they,d /rive you away," he triumphantly exclaimed. " Cause it aint a boy nt all, but a minister, Rev. Mr Arthur, I tell you," he added, while bis face dropped, "it aint right to give us away like that.'' And he hurried on home with his outraged feelings.— Danbury News.