SCISSORS.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 2, Issue 158, 22 January 1878, Page 3

SCISSORS.

Russian newspapers are conducted on an economical basis, and the publishers tell no lies. The Moscow Teatrailnaia Gazeta recently incurred the displeasure of the Government, and an officer of the press bureau was sent to the office to arrest the proprietor. The only person in the establishment was the publisher, and he was sternly summoned to fetch the editor. The publisher went up stairs and returned speedily with a large pair of scissors, saying. "Here, sir, is the editor." The officer was rather disconcerted, but soon recovered himself, and exclaimed more sternly than ever. "No nonsence ! Fetch me the sub-editor." Again the publisher departed, and again returned, this time with a pot of paste and a brush. " These, sir," he said, " are the sub-editors." " Why," asked Plato of Socrates, as they languidly rose from the symposium and walked up'to the Appian way, " why is a lazy dog like a sheet of paper.?" Socrates thoughtfully rubbed his ear and said, " Seems to me I've heard that before somewhere." "Well, old anthropos, guess it, tile respondit quickly." Socrates made seven futile attempts, turning the- words tale, write, canis, &c, when Plato became impatient and told him. '• Because it is a slow pup." " Yes," said 509., " I've heard it before, but I don't tumble to it now, some way. How' is a sheet of paper a slow pup ?" Plato smiled and remarked, •' You hud betler swap off that old pumpkin head of yours ; a sheet of paper is an inklined plane, isn't it ? and an inclined plane is a slope up ; perhaps you see ?" Then they walked sloweiy to the Keller, and Socrates remarked in a pensive tone, " Swei!"— Chicago Journal.

Three lobsters were placed by Mr Barker of the Rothesay Aquarium in a tank in which a flounder had been left buried in the shingle where it died. One of the lobsters disovered the flounder, and dragging, it from its resting place retired with it to a corner of the tank. Shortly afterward the flounder was missing. Upon the approach of his two comrades the big lobster had burkd. I.he flounder beneath a heap of simple o;i which he mounted guard. Fiv-i ti;\i;-s within two hours was the iliHUKur unearthed, and as often did the wily oio! lobster rebury it with Iris huge claws, each time ascending the pile and turning a bold front to his companions. The Pull Mall Gazette points the moral of this Scottish tale very happily:—" This story shows conclusively what a vast amount of quenched intelligence may sometimes lie concealed in a salad.

The Boston Universalist ministers "have decided " that the use of intoxicating liquor as a beverage is sufficient cause for preferring formal charges against a clergymen." The Democrats of Mr Barnum's district say " 'tis true, 'tis P. T., and P. T. 'tis, 'tis true." Sir Rowland Hill, the veteran ex-Postmaster-General of England, and Lady Hill celebrated their golden wedding a few weeks ago. The Shah will visit the Paris Exposition incognito. Kaiser William suffers a good deal from the ear-ache.