THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 2, Issue 158, 22 January 1878, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

, —«. i ] •"Print! Publish! Disseminate'!" " Deeds of Darkness." The Little River Road Board have done what I consider a most sensible thing in publishing their annual report of works pc?r-i'or;;ied, works requiring doing, u,oners ''received, - and- from-' where; inouey.s..expended, and Low; and gratuitously ■ distributing- this document among- dieir,.Aitepay,er,s., I think it would be well if the other Koad 'Boards of the Peninsula 'folioAved this'example ; if this were done by them then there would be no necessity for such a letter ay that signed ••Enquirer," nor do occasion for propounding such queries as are asked by that writer, I contendthat the ratepayers have a perfect right to know what is done by tiie local governing powers, and that such information should be given theni; in. a manner similar to that adopted by ; the Little ltiver magnates. Men who/have business to attend to, and whose tune is valuable—for "time is money" tp-yoor industrious settler —cannot and will} not attend the annual meetings convened '" according to the Act," foi\ the -purpose of enlightening them as to the payt and contemplated doings of their rulers ; yet these • men's stake, in their respective districts, isdoubtles.s o-Tparnmonnt importance ; the good repair and making of roads to and in connection with their properties are to

them a necessity ;' still, for all tine, they are kept in darkness, except lliey loose a day,- as to the public business of their, road i district. Believe me, there is many a pound frittered away by Road Boards that '■■' would be better expended in printing and giving away a detailed document worthy ) of the name of " annual report."

" Drops do pierce the stubborn flint, Not by force, but often falling ; Custom kills by feeble dint, More by use than strength and vailing. Single sands have little weight, Many make a drawing freight/ "The cry is still they come." I thought I had played out relating the vagaries of genius, and I thought, as I do far tot> often, decidedly wrong. Another instance —double-banked this time—has turned up of inventive powers which it is impossible to beat, and I doubt if it could be equalled anywhere else "on the great globe itself." Two brightly effulgent members of the genus homo —one of them, by-tha-bye, is a teacher of the "young idea "—-took a fit of sports the other day, and concluded a treaty of devastating war upon the feathered tribe. The necessary instrument of destruction in the shape of a double-bar-relled gun was discovered, brought out, and furbished up, and whilst one of the duo was handling the warlike weapon, it suddenly dawned upon him that it might be loaded. Says he to his confrere —" I say, old man, supposing this endearing toy is loaded, how are we to get the charge out, but in the first place how can we find out whether there is anything in the barrels or not ? " This was a poser. They both considered for some time ; at last a brilliant idea seized the mind of the pedagogue, and he said—" I have it, old fellow, I will light a match and put it to the touch-hole whilst you blow down each barrel ; if you blow the match out it will show the gun is not loaded." •". G-ood," replied the other,, and they proceeded to execute their scheme. _ The match was duly lit and applied, but, fortunately for the any explosion taking place. The gun was loaded, and the only wonder is that the blower's blow, together with fragments of his blowing apparatus, was not scattered to the winds. Folly ! folly ! Thy followers are legion. Lord Bacon knew " some tings " wbeii he said:—

" Folly, like falsehood, often destroys itself by its own self-contradictions."

" A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Who doubts, it? Well, it seems to me that there are numberless instances, in both sexes, where it is doubted, otherwise why is there such a run on Eau de Cologne, Florida Water, Musk, Patchouli; &c. Some persons are so fond of perfuming themselves, and so attached to a particular kind of scent, that one can, fox like, know them by their smell, and tell if they have been in a room without having seen them. A curious instance of this was recently brought under my observation. Two gentlemen, learned in the quirks, quibbles, and subtleties of the law, were engaged on opposite sides in a case, during the proceeding of which the validity of a certain deed was called into question. This necesssitated a search for the legal document in request, and ultimately "it was - discovered ~thafr was lying at the Begistrar's office. This discovery was made simultaneously by the opposingcounsej, who thought each other in ignorance of the deed's whereabout'e ; consequently, the one who has the strongest- character for professional shrewdness, thinking himself right, put off his visit to the registry until late on the following day. Going to the office at the time stated, he blandly enquired—"Have you such and such a deed ? " " Oh, yes," was the rejoinder. " May Ibe allowed to peruse it," was his next question, to which an affable affirmative was returned, and the document was handed to him. No sooner had he touched it than a look of horror overspread .his. expressive countenance— the attendant clerk thought of apoplexy and cold water —-he staggered back, cried out—"Forestalled ; phew-vv-w, Patchouli! Blessed Patchouli! Sanguineous Patchouli! Why, Araby be blessed, if old Affidavit's clerk hasn't been here first." And he had, too ; he smelt him truly. " In treaty and war, It is beai or be beaten ; In the struggle for life, It is eat or be eaten." I must premise that it stretches one's faith to believe all the anecdotes that float around, but I have it on the word of a reliable man, that something , like the following has actually occurred. I remember that I have previously propounded that an ignorant zealot very often injures an undoubtedly good cause; this .being the case, I think v nuf ced " on that point. During the recent festive season, a brother, of alphabetical distinctions, thought, or dreamt he saw another alphabetically tagged brother in a state, to which, I am sorry to say, I am.no stranger.. Now, the latter brother's position and prospects in life are such that If anything of the kind had occurred, it would have been detrimental to his interests in many ways. Anyway, from what followed, afterwards, it does not appear that the. zealous-brother thought at all of the other brother's circumstances, for, without troubling to enquire whether his ideas were correct, he goes to the supposed erring , brother's lodge, and lays an information against him for an-infringement of their.Jaws. -Indue course, an enquiry is heldj tlie'non-sinning sinner brings witnesses to prove his innocence, and the informant — never comes near to substantiate his charge. Of course the thing fell through ; but what a humiliation to subject a man to. ~for: doing nothing. Do not things like these tend to bring a deserving institution into contempt? What man with (any self-respect would care to be an associate of any one who could act as above ? No wonder that so many join in the sailors , old refrain of— " Whisky is the life o' man— . ' • Whisky for my Johnny ; '._ j? Whisky makes my friends my foes*— Whisky for my Johnny.' J I .i. Adieu.