THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 2, Issue 124, 25 September 1877, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

O '• Learn to live, and live to learn !" " Every day experiences."

How many read, but how few understand what they read. It is astonishing the trouble some readers take to misunderstand the meaning of what is plainly set before them, and how persistent they are in the wrongful interpretation that they, put upon a writer's words and sentences. Clothe you your thoughts in the simplest, plainest, and most unmistakeable language, call " a spade a spade," write so as to defy —as you may think—a misconception, yet, be sure that some dunderhead is bound "to go off at a tangent" and wrongly interpret your writings. To prove the correctness of my assertions I will mention the luminous epistle to the Mail signed " Mud," an appropriate signature to the production of a mud(dled) brain.. However his liquid transparency, and, softly oozing, mudship, could pervert the articles, in your columns, on extra communication with the plains, on Saturdays, beats my powers of comprehension. It is one of those " widdles that no fellah, can understand, you know." Read again, my muddy friend. You will find it stated, "just as plain as mud," that our mutual crony the Mail advocates the desirability of an extra train being run, on Saturday's only, in conjunction with the " Akaroa," and King Cobb, so that persons can run down to Akaroa, or elsewhere, on that day, and return by the Monday ; should they not wish to extend their journey further than Pigeon Bay, then they could go home the same evening, as the " Akaroa" would return to Lyttelton. Is there anything in this antagonistic to the present mail service ; any- ! thing dirtily muddy stirred up ? What 1 has this to do with what is done on other days, eh, old glutinous? Try to under- ! stand what you read, and when your opaque self next rushes into print, flounder out of the mud you are in, and '' get the 1 right bull by the horns." ; " A soul exasperated in ills, falls out With every thing, its Friend, itself." Powerful adjectives and loose profanity loudly uttered have received a check, and that too by order of cur governing powers. These naughtinesses must, in future, be whispered among the watercress on the river'smargin, not across the stream, for the Government Gazette, of September 13th, in the regulations under the " Sal- ! inon and Trout Act, 1867, rule 3," says :— " No person shall dam across any river, or stream, without providing to the satisfaction of Hie Excellency the Governor," certain essentials). Quite right this, but it scarcely goes far enough, why not extend this useful rule to the highways, bye-ways, fields, paddocks, and bush V I wonder what are ihe " essentials V", Is it a Bill Sykes get up, velveteens, corduroys, highlows, beluher, '• vite tile," and bull pup ; or is it the larrikin, of the period, make up, his " essentials" being disgusting profanity, low-lived impudence, law breaking recklessness, insulting clownishness, filthy expectoration, and a thorough disregard of the decencies and amenities of life, as well as the feelings of every-one except his, more or less, depraved own ? My banker writes N.S.F. or I would, as the fushion is, telegraph to ,l the people's William" Montgomery, for farther and fuller infor--1 mation.

" Behold the child, by Nature's kindly law

Pleased with a rattle, tickled with a straw ; Some livelier plaything gives his youth delight, A little louder, but as empty quite."

When we get a peculiar craze howfond we are of trotting it out and showing its paces, without caring still less thinking, whether the on-lookers see things as we do, or that their ideas run the same course as do ours. Miles's innocent lad, tells me that, on the occasion when the elect, to the Borough Council, returned thanks for the-honor conferred upon them, one of the who is troubled with door-step , , on the brain, introduced his pet topic, under the new baptismal appellation of.'",obstructions," and commenced haranguing about, and upon, his one-stringed fiddle-de-dee, but the most inconsistent, yet decided!}- ludicrous, part of _ the business was. that he had perched himself on Brother Kissel's door-step, and from that vantage ground ventilated hie oratorical powers of declamation on hie one old theme. What that door-step must have suffered, and how the knowing ones giggled, was not recorded, by that boy of Miles's, but this he said: —" Say, Jack, isn't it rather a poor way to show your antipathy to others that falling foul of door-steps? ,, ''Sonny." said I, "trade jealousies oftentimes lead us on to committing strange actions." " 0, beware, my lord, of jealousy ; It is the green-eyed monster which doth . mock The meat it feeds on." The style of doing business that you have started upon. Messieurs Councillors, wont do for me, it may suit those slumbering inrjocents the burgesses, but Jack, never. Instead of addling your intellects over the arabic perfumes, exhaling from the habitations of swine, you should have bean studj'ing the essential details of finance, through the medium of the balance sheet of last year's assets and expenditure. Is this the way to commence a reform, and improve upon your predecessors mode of doing the business of the borough ? Are you going blindly to take over liabilities without enquiry? Is this carrying out your written, and spoken, promises, this commencing of business without balancing off preparatory to a fair start? Venus, Screech, Parthrick, and J Honest John, I am ashamed ot you. Call yourselves business men—faugh—is this, your first go-in at borough business, done in a business-like manner? Would you, either of you, enter upon a new business in such a neglectful manner ? Of course 3'ou would not. I give you credit for more common sense, and being more wide-a-wake to the interests of that magic number, yclept number one. li Had better do

it," ac Councillor Penlington recently and tersely proposed in reference to a verandah * application. Yes, gentlemen, you " had better do it," and by so " doing it" return to the good opinions I had formed of your business capabilities. I forgive you this * time, but if ever you again allow the glare, glitter, and empty sound, of Municipal honors to confuse you, just look out for a tempest with John Sundowner working tbe thunder. " Full many a storm on this grey head has beat ; And now, on my high station do J stand, Like the tired watchman in his air-rock'd tower. Who looketh for the hour of his release. I'm sick of worldly broils, and fain would rest With those who war no more. —Adieu.