THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 2, Issue 118, 4 September 1877, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

" When Greek me*ets Greek, then comes —' Bruisers hi P. R. Attainments."

The " Church -Militant "is on " the rampage." The ashes are completely knocked out of the calumet of peace ; the hatchet has been unearthed ; the Avar-paint—ink laid on with a spluttering pan—pot and brushes brought out from their hidden recesses ; the Aveapon's of war—W. Mitchell's selected—unsheathed, and the Avar path taken with a whoop epistolary, loud and threatening enough to intimidate the Akaroa Mail, " or any other male." "' The gospel is peace," but, only let an exponent of its peaceful teachings fancy that someone has trod on the smallest remnant of the garment episcopal, or " any other pal," than rampant pugnacity is immediately developed, and the edifying (?) spectacle is given to the flocks ,of their, shepherds being engaged,.' 1 hot and strong," in dogmatical, controversial, or the' "you're another" kind of wordy, and sometimes inky, battle. How is this, lAvonder ? "iThese are but men."; Yet they seem to arrogate to themselves pretensions, which, in their opinion, make them superior intellectually to their fellow-men. Ask a question relative to "one of-the cloth," and you are sure to have some of the others "round upon you," and accuse you of wilfully defaming their " dear brother," whereas the defamation is the offspring of their thoughts and not of yours. If these right Rev. gentiemep, aylio are so

fond of accusing others of malignity, and evil intentions, Avould set the good example, in themselves, of acting up to their preachand writings, Aye should have fewer exhibitions of unseemly productions in newspaper columns. What a pity it is that, Avliatever may be our vocation, the old Adam will assert himself. Would it were otherwise, for "Lovely concord and most sacred peace Doth nourish virtue, and fast friendship breeds; Weak she makes strong, and strong things doth increase, Till it the pitch of highest praise exceeds." Let us haA T e peace !

Nothing gives me greater pleasure than hearing of spontaneous ebullitions of doAvnright patriotism, and undisguised affection-for our mother land, Avhatever may be our nationality. My familiar— Miles's boy—has " Avarmed the cockles " of this old Sundowner's "buzzum," by narrating the folloAving : —On a very recent occasion a party of friends had met together—awfully sorry I Avas not in it— to spend a pleasant and festive evening— more sorrow, on my part, for being out of it—which they proceeded to do, and did. properly. Whilst the festivities, and father time, Avcre rolling along and conviviality—confound my luck, I " had nary a show " —reigned supreme, a thirsty toper Avas announced as having just put in an apjjoarance—wasn't me, Avorse luck—from a neighbouring printing office. It being publishing evening the T. T. Avas immediately intervieAved, and interrogated as to Avhether any Avar cablegrams had been received at the office during the evening'? Rescuing his placid features from the embraces of a ".pewter pint." the bibulous representative of the fourth estate informed those present that a cablegram had been just received, conveying the startling information that Avar had been declared by England. • " S'elp me, Jack," said that vulgar boy of Miles's, "you ought to have been there " —just Avhat was grieving me I wasn't—" for you never saw such an excited crowd during 3 r our innocent career, they just behaved frantic; they threw their Avenring apparel about recklessly ; they hurrahed till they nearly got apoplectic ; they danced a colonial can-can, and wound tip with such a burst of " Rule Britannia," that the very piles of the tenement were shaken nearly out of their holes. " Why wasn't you there Jack ?" Ah, Avhy AVKsu't "I ? Considering the mouth I hewe got for melody, if I had been there, the chances are the house Avould have been about our cars. Anyway, I like feivid patriotism,pn whatever form it is displayed, and had I been there I \vould have given the old toast: — " Our countiy ! In her intercourse Avith foreign nations, may she ahvays be in the right; but, our country, right or Avrong." I have heard of the aristocracy, the democracy, the idle-ocracy, the cad-ocracy, the would-be-ocracy. the snob-ocracy, the shoddy-ocracy, the out-of-elboAvs-ocracy, and the keeping-up-appearance-ocracy, but you have a silliiycrazy-ocrasy somewhere, in these diggins, that stumps my powers of definition and designation. I am told— Miles's 3 r onth, of tender years, again—that a party of anti-benedicts', '-of the peculiar sect above mentioned, Avhere recently seized Avith the brilliantly noA-el idea of Avishing display to their graces figures, and ' store-clothes, in the mazy dance, and, as a .means to achieve so .eminent jwi end, a council.of the sages Avas called'lb consider ways and means. They met, did'these mature'masters of sagacity; they cogitated; they ruminated; they Incubated, and, after a great deal of carefully considered cackling, they brought into the Avorld a motion that " servants, and odd fellows, be not admitted " to the contemplated terpsichorean exercises, nor even allowed to associate Avith or gaze upon the manly forms and classic features of these Avhat-d'ye-call-ems. Isn't that a staggerer ? Apparently some of them thought so, for the expression " servant" Avas subsequently altered'to that of "domestic." Jack, old boss—that's me—iv your young days, and hi the land of your nativity, it Avas thought no degradation for the highest in the land to, on festive occasions, meet and mix with all classes ; but, Johnny, how things are changed. You are jnow at the antipodes Avhere "domestics are not allowed to enter the company of genteel gentlemanly Avhat-shalJ-I-call-ems. Ah, me, if " domestics " are excluded, what sort of a show would a Sundowner stand, if applying for admission to the refined circles of the select Avhat-do-you-call-ems ? " Hoav is the Avorld deceived by noise and show ! Alas, how different, to pretend and knoAv! Like a poor highway brook, pretence runs loud ; Bustling, but shallow, dirty, Aveak, and proud." I do-not like such Avays. Sir. . When a man is doAvn I think it very wrong- of you not only to endeavour to keep him down, but to.cruelly cut in on him and "douse his glim." What has Colonel Baker done to the Akaroa Mail that you should wrongfully inform.the Avorld that he . had " extinguished himself," and lead the said Avorld to infer that that redoubtable Avarrior had accomplished such a herculean task himself,-and on himself? "Extinguished himself!" Did anyone, I Avonder, ever hear of such a cruelly sarcastic style of doing the complimentary business. By the bones from my last meal, I never did. " Extinguished ' himself !" " May your horn"- —I mean trumpet—"be exalted," for such an exhibition of extravagant phraseology and extraordinary attempt to excite your readers into the belief that Colonel Baker had made an extremely peculiar kind of exit from the vicinity of explosives. "Excommunication is too good for some people. Had I have been "extinguished," expelled, excoriated, and exhibited, in the manner aforesaid, someone Avould, have- had to "hopgthe twig," and I Avould have been on hand with the music. , " 'Tis the same with common natures: ~ ' Use ""'ein kindly, they rebel ; 'But be "rough as* nutmeg-graters, And the rogues obey, you. well." Adieu.