THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume I, Issue 89, 25 May 1877, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

" Our Glorious Colonial Institutions."

"After dinner platitudes."

They are beginning to understand elsewhere some of the pressing wants of us colonials. English advertisers are bidding for our custom in direct opposition to " lambing down " publicans. The news of the peculiar manner in which my class take their amusements, and liquor, must have been the inducement for the " home folks " to go in and cater for us sundowning lambs. ; Why' not? we have been shorn often enough by the colonial professionals, so, in a spirit of fair play, I say, let our English amateur relatives have a few fleeces if they can get them. Nothing has opened my eyes more to the ramifications of trade and its world wide extentension, than the reading of this advertisement :—"The lambing down season— The cooling and purifying properties of the " red drench," render it of unspeakable value in all inflammatory and feverish cases. Nature is. gently assisted by the balmy and easy aperient influences of the " red drench," which removes all irritant matter from the system, while the " gaseous fluid " comes in after to quiet the agitated and irritated organs of the body." Thatadvertiser must have heard a lot about the Australian Colonies. Perhaps he has heard of Banks' Peninsula, and my powers of absorption. "Red drench," capital name 1 although the pubs here call it rum. " Gaseous fluid," exhilirating tipple 1 suitable especially, I should surmise, for windbag orators, and laudatory self trumpeters. I am rather exercised in mind as to the " balmy and easy influence " of the " red drench" we get here, and also as to its " removing irritant matter; speaking from personal and other observations. I have found it act quite the contrary, and the same remarks apply to the "gaseous fluid "as supplied to us. Oh ! the tales I could tell about " lambing down," but content myself with describing one way we had in the back country of New South Wales, to get rid.of our cheques. You are about having a steeplechase at Akaroa, our amusement was called bar steeplechase —widely different from yours—and.thus we played it:—A few of us with good cheques would rendezvous at a bush; shanty, we would get several bottles of "red drench" from the pub, place them on the floor at a little distance from each other, and then each man had, in turn, to jump over them, the first knocking down a bottle paying for the lot, then the contents of the remaining bottles were consumed amongst us. Splendid game !•—for the publicans. I know better now than I did then.

" Dame Nature, as the learned shew, Provides each animal its foe ; Hounds hunt the hare, the wily fox Devoui-3 the geese, the wolf your flocks."-

It is not because I have an innate dislike to your R.M. Court, that I recently wrote of it in a condemnatory style. _ No, Sir! but it was because.it and its adjoining public offices are, I consider, a disgrace to the borough. It is gratifying to me, to find that others think with me as regards the removal of these unsuitable conglomerations of a past age, and see the necessity of having public offices erected — in which the public business could be properly done—with sufficient accommodation for the officials and the general public. I quite agree with the Mail's statement, that the side of these offices should be added to the school reserve, including also, the sites of the police quarters, and my sometime sojourning shop the lock-up. _ Surely with a little judicious agitation this could be done. What would his worship say ! Here is a splendid opportunity to add to the school reserve ; to aid in beautifying your town ; to do a much wanted public benefit; to win oneself a name; to deserve the public thanks, and to prove that the elect of the ratepayers have more expansive ideas than have been shown in seal debates. Press on

;t With easy feedom and a gay address, A pressing suitor seldom wants success." " Well I never did you ever," hear any-

thing better than the illuminating ideas of Cr. Annand. I read that this gentleman enquired " whether it was the duty of contractors to light obstructions ?" As no answer to this query is reported, I suppose ho one knew, but to settle.the matter the Council resolve—" That the. contractors attention be called to the obstructions in the streets, and they be requested to light same." Light what, the roads? surely the mire and mud of them is not inflammable ; the. obstructions, is it; what can the Council mean ? do they mean, I wonder, that a light shall be placed upon or adjoining any obstructive' material, \t this is the case why not say it in plain English. " The reason of things, says Dr. South, lies in a narrow, compass, if the mind could at any time'be so happy as to light upon it." lam not—but don't I wish I was—an historical painter. What a sublime subject for the easel of an artist, would be the depicting of his -woiship handing the keys of the box containing that work of art and imagination, the borough seal. " 'Tis pitiably sad, my masters!" that we have no limner amongst us to undertake the pleasurable task. Git, Mepkistopheles, git! a burnt stick and whitewashed fence would not do—never, Sirree, never. High art would be required, no shams or flams allowed. Sorry_ am I this scene, great in your borough's history, cannot be suitably depicted, but as usual v/ith me, my sorrowmerges into curiosity. I wonder how many- locks are on that box ? How many councillors it takes to unlock it ? Have they to be all present "in state assembled" when "the box" is unlocked ? What has nurse McGregor done, that he has no key? Who is the boxe's custodian ? "Do tell, dv," Sir! and ease my anxious mind. "0 dark, dark, amid the blaze of noon ; Irrevocably dark! total eclipse." Adieu.