THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume I, Issue 85, 11 May 1877, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

"Would'nt You Like to Know?"

Archives of the Inquisition,

Why I wonder is there so much hullabaloo as to the identity of John Sundowner ! how is it that every prominent burgess, spouting politician, Road Board Cicero, County Council Demosthenes, Borough Council magnate, Trust Board tyro, has each, and severally, been assured that they are me? Is a man given to liquor, then he is dubbed the Sundowner. Is he apt in quotations, a reader, literary in his tastes, secluded in his habits, quick at observations, ready at repartee, socially inclined, a quiet thinker, zealous in the public weal, or in dress, address, deportment, and character, different from others, then is he at once pounced upon by some reader of the Mail, and with a "found you out at last.," told he is not himself but myself ; the effect upon a few being that they believe they havelost their identity,and merged into a very shady kind of a vagrant scribbler ; upon others lofty indignation ; upon the " unco quid," pious horror and humbugging affectation ; upon the hawweally self-baked porcelain of the genus homo languid surwise, that they could be taken for such a vewy low and depwaved piece of common crockery. " Widiculous vewy!" Well I certainly think it is " widiculous," so doubtless did one of the Mail's staff, when he was told that " Sundowner was a low common person."— I never denied that soft impeachment —" not fit to put a bullet into." I like the latter part of that speech. I have no wish to fit on a leaden suit of toggery, followed by a suit of the clan D's unmentionables. I am. afraid I am getting into notoriety which I do not desire,'or require, but I have not the slightest objection to othere bearing the burden of my 'unintentional sins of omission and commission. Dear readers

. —. « strive In offices of love, how we may lighten Each others burden, in our share of woe."

Just the thing for me, for like a common person I do like uncommon things, more especially would I like an uncommon freehold estate. I have struck the articlej and shall drive in for it— id est —if the terms are uncommon. Inter alia— -uncommon terms are common to me. References as to my truthfulness on this score:—Confiding pubs., sympathizing storekeepers, records of the R.M. Court. Yes, Sir! this is the real " hechum peckum " for my terms

—" Land for sale, one hundred and thirty acres of fine pastoral land, well watered and timbered, for a term of years." Won't I make that water spin out. Ablution— never. Deglutition—not if I know myself. Culinary purposes—oh, get out. The timber I shall expect to crop every season, whilst the " term of years " last. I think of studying the rotation of crops, as applied to timber. Given good seasons and good crops, if I get that property, goodbye to sundowuing. " Farewell at once; for once, for all, And ever." Scandalous ! Shameful! Shocking ! The bare idea of a Road Board member's road being " so slippery in wet weather, that he cannot get his beer home," is something awful to contemplate. Is it not a disgrace to our so-called civilization, that such a terribly wet state of things and roads should be 1 how can we expect a debarred from his beer member to give his mind to other matters, when he has liquefaction on the brain, instead of in the stomach. " Strange if is, yet true is it," that there is an affinity between beer, metal, and wet. Mr Houghton wants metal to get his beer home. Hooper & Co. want metal to get theirs from home. Mr. H. complains of wet weather interfering with his wet. Hooper & Co. believe in weather and wet souls. Ido not agree with Mr. Shadbolt's proposition Avhich states, " that if a few loads of metal were required to enable his brother member to get his beer, the Board should not stand in the way." What way, the beer's way ? if so, good-bye to the beer.. The metal's way? if so, Hooper &Cos. pockets will suffer. The way of the wet ? if so, come out of that, gentlemen, and take your wet in the dry. Seriously, gentlemen, does discussions such as the one in question add dignity to' your proceedings ? is it not trivial, and a waste of time, for a member to recommend a work, even to his own house, with such, a silly argument ? I think it is. What does common sense say ?

"Something there is more needful than expense, And something previous c'en to taste— ' 'tis sense.' Good sense which only is the gift of heaven, And though in science, fairly worth the seven." I am a compositor's stick-full of notes of admiration on the subject of consistency. Especially am I delighted when I find that this essential is rigidly adhered to by a public man, who always makes his public actions and uttered words consistently consistent ;'iio turning to the right or left; no blowing hot or cold ; no log-rolling prevarication, with such a person who stands a peer above his fellow-men. 1 myself try to be consistent, but I am often told that my consistency should be spelt with the letters I. N. prefixed to the word. True as regards myself, but I am not alone in my peculiar glory, as these facts will show: —In March last, Mr. Baker is reported to have advocated "the advisability of having local affairs conducted by local men ;" to have queried, *' as-to what the people in Wellington understood about the requirements of the Peninsula," and otherwise argued against centralization. In April, the same gentleman proposes, "that the General Government should carry out local works," and strongly harangues against the local Boards being entrusted with the disbursement of specially granted monies for local purposes. All this is quite right, I suppose, but is'nt it awfully like me V Archbishop Whately has written

" A man is strictly and properly inconsistent whose opinions and practises are at any one time at variance with each other; in short, who holds at once a proposition and its contradictory.—Adieu.