THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume I, Issue 83, 4 May 1877, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

"Upon the Hill He Turned, And got Himself well . Shook." " Memoirs of King Cobb."

Serve me right. Pride lifted me up, and bad roads shook me down. I have a lively assortment of the aches and pains, whose names commence with the first four letters of the alphabet—i. c.—abrasions, bruises, contusions, and dislocations, worse luck to me, with no thanks to the Akaroa and Wainui Road Board. How did it happen ? Well, I will tell you. Unluckily I made a rise ; went on the wallabi; kept clear of Hennessy; bought a suit of Black's " reach-me-downs ;" fancied myself—vain fancy—resjjectable ; went to see some old chums, and on the strength of my slop-got-up finery, took Cobb's coach, Akaroaward. All went well, Sir! until we left the Hill-top house ; then the coach and myself commenced a series of acrobatic contortions, including in my case, a number of dreadful experiences as to how much of me was being spilt, and whether it was possible I should be ever able to get enough of myself together again to make a presentable appearance. Road! why I have been on the old Victorian corduroys; on the old Wood's point line ; crossed the Blue Mountains, by Sir W. Mitchell's road ; have been the Purau track ; but never, ah! never, did I get such a worrying up as on the bit of road leading from " Garwood's Hill-top" towards Barry's Bay. That little bit of road has, at some time, been improved (?) by placing boulders, weighing from one ton upwards, in the mud pools, which must have been there last winter, and these boulders, through the action of the road traffic, are now beautifully prominent in all directions, and at i every angle conceivable. Mr. Piper, sympathize with me, call your musicians together. If any object to making " this way smooth," get him seven days and nights of perpetual perambulations among these road tombstones. "0, what men dare do ! what men maydo ! What men daily do, not knowing what they do !'" Won't do, " Vigilans," you cannot rouse them. I have tried the game, but gave it '

up disgustingly. Neither you nor I can arouse the dormant dwellers of Banks' Peninsula to a sense of what they should do, what they could do, what they might do, and what they ought to do. I am not particularizing as you did, but generalizing as regards all . public matters referring to the weal of the district. Do not get disheartened " Vigilans," remember " the dripping of water will eat into the hardest rock." You are not singular. Thomas Bracken, the New Zealand poet, has written— "Ye priests and ye teachers, Ye parsons and preachers, There's work to be done in the Magistrate's Court." Talk about " piling it on," and knowing " what's what" in real estate ; why, Sir! your Oddfellow valuators can just top the tree. Just don't I wish I was a bloated landocrat, with a few comparatively valueless corners wanted by the Borough Council; would'nt I employ Messrs O'Brion and Kissel to do the thing for me, and if they were successful, would'nt I do the thing by them. Unfortunately for the funds of their order, success did not crown their modest demand ;in grasping at too much substance they have caught nothing but the shadow of consummation which, I suppose, they in their peculiar oddity did not suspect. "Much will always wanting be To those who much desire." One of my correspondents writes me thus :—" They, in Akaroa, do things curiously, without receiving either cavil or comment upon their proceedings. The latest curiosity brought under my notice was the balance-sheet, published in the Mail, of the receipts and disbursements upon a certain window, in the latter of which figures a sum for photographs. What a peculiar way of spending money ! If there was a surplus, could it not have been more advantageously spent? who got these photos, taken ? was it the work of the vestry, or done outside of that body, and without their being consulted ? Do you know, Jack, and what do you think ?"—On this subject I know nothing, and think less. I thought it a private matter outside of any of the Sundowner's criticisms. I certainly noticed the item in question, but without giving it another thought. I must refer my correspondent to one of those —" Who to church repair, Not for the doctrine, but the music there." Recently I animadverted upon the seminude state which fashion expects ladies to appear in at a ball-room, a fashion which I consider ""more honoured in the breach than in the observance," and as showing how ideas vary on this vexed question quote the following anecdote. A lady showed her small three-year-old son a photo of herself taken in a ball dress of extremely low cut, the child's remark on seeing it was:—" Mamma! oo was nios' ready for bed when dot picture wastooken."

Whilst" i' the vein," I will relate what I heard a lady of good social standing say on a recent occasion. The lady in question was conversing with a lady friend, the latter of whom was praising the dwelling of the former :—" Yes," was the rejoinder, " the house is very well, but if I have much company we will have to get it extenuated." " 0 wad some power the giftie gie us, To see ourselves as others see us! It wad frae mony a blunder free us, And foolish notion." Adieu.