THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume I, Issue 77, 13 April 1877, Page 3

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

" Drink to Me Only." Ode on Selfishness. I am enraptured at the pharisaically inflated style of the so-called address " To a certain class of moderate drinkers," recently read in your Oddfellow's Hall. The writer is one of my sort, given to write contradictions and, as I often do, scribble about things I have not the least comprehension of. Until I read this address I was unaware that "moderate drinkers" were classified. I am glad to be enlightened on that point, as I also am to to discover that the said M.D.'s—don't be afraid Dr. Chadwick, it is not you—" envy and sneer in a breath." What wonderful lung power! Shouldn't the M.D.'s be envied ? No, not a bit of it, for we are seriously told they are "incapable of, and have no sympathy with selfdenial; that they endeavour to draw reclaimed drunkards back into the wallowing mire from which they have floundered ; that they would be " gratified " by seeing this class cast aside their " solemn obligations," and "wreck their soul's happiness;" that they are possessed of a " wrongful spirit"—Dunedin whisky, perhaps—"which will not permit them to sympathise with the social friend"—Hooper's beer, I suppose —and so on, &c. Well, Sir! of all the isms, preserve me from professed teetotalism, if its advocates cannot bolster up their cause by other means than that of imputing to others disgraceful motives. Until that much to be desired end is obtained, I will say with Burns " Then let us pray, that come it may, As come it will, for a' that, That sense and worth, o'er a' the earth, May bear the gree, and a' that." " A word to the wise." Robert, dear boy! Shaw off yourspecial talents otherwise than reading "anything but perfect," "specially written " addresses. This old Sundowner's friend, A. K. Haroa, says that "Maggie by my side " is a gem that always takes well at a social re-union. I usually take all I can get upon trust as some of my acquaintances are well aware of. I also receive on trust many things I hear and see, but that which bothers my trusting powers the most is as to the existence of the Lake and Railway Trust Board. Have those " babes in the wood," its elective members, perished for want of trust pabulum ? Will the Government not trust them with the powers of trust ? Is the honour they have achieved by election of so weighty a nature that " rest and be thankful" is a necessity for their jaded powers?. Have they perished in their infancy, their." little day " of trust ended without the solacing words of trusty friends ? If so, Jack ! " De mortuis nil nisi bonum." —Certainly, Councillor Waeckerle 1 I will explain the meaning, which is, " say nothing but good of the dead ;" in return for this translation, invite me to the next " incidents " —Somehow my powers ' of trust are strong. I trust in the powerful potency of Mr. Montgomery, and " another telegram " to revivifying the Board, or rather, to start it on its career of trusting usefulness. " Come arouse thee, arouse thee," gentlemen ! meet together, if informally, act in concert, so as to make the Act a" little fact," and not a " dead letter." Where are you all, gentlemen electors! who so excitedly championed your candidates for office ? are you looking for that lost W. Councillor H.G. ? if so, never heed it. There is business of a more utilitarian nature to be " begun, continued, and "this Sundowner trusts, satisfactorily "ended." Slide right on to the business track. Don't ask. "Is sorrow e'er worth our dejection ? Is fame but a flatterer's spell ? Is love ever worth our affection ? Le jen vant-il done la chandelle ?" Just so, my dear Councillor ! neat is'nt it?

I Larrikinism, no, no, Siree! 'twas not larrikinism, 'twas but the exuberance of young blood which will tell. No, Sir! it was not a case for the services of "The frolicsome Lamb, the vigilant Ram, The absent when wanted, Rufflum Sam." " Knickerbocker Contingent!" what scurrilou.'i impertinence. What has a newspaper fieri be to do with the dress of those who serve their adopted country, and what has dress to do with actions? This old Sundowner, although of the earth earthy, has remembrances of bis collegiate career in a ragged school—and well remembers the high—perhaps they would be thought low and vulgar—jinks he and others played when in their youth. I agree with Dibdin who wrote " Those joys, which are harmless, What mortal can blame ? 'Tis my maxim that youth should be free, And to prove that my words And deeds are the same, Believe me, thou'lt presently see." What barm was done by the pranks of the wrongly-called larrikins ? I venture to say none whatever. Who was disturbed or annoyed ? Without fear of contradiction, I say no one. I would suggest to the revellers to get Dr. Buhner to give your paragraphist a " blue pill and black draught," as his bilious organs must be out of working order, after that he will better appreciate fun in which no harm was meant to be done. It was simply a case of " Here are we met, three merry boys, Three merry boys I trow are we ; And mony a night we've merry been, And mony mair we hope to be." Adieu.