THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume I, Issue 75, 6 April 1877, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

"Kirn Along, Neddy! Gee Hup and Gee Wo a."

" Accepted Addresses."

I consider myself a shocking bad example of the effects of indiscriminate scribbling. I hope that the virulence and hopelessness of the scribble complaint, as in myself, would act as a beacon to warn my friends to keep from such contagion. No good, however, the disease is spreading, one of its latest victims being my friend, beautiful simplicity, (B. S.), who seems to have been inoculated with virus from the lancet pen of "Edwin Interrorem." I know that this Sundowner's opinions are " of small moment," yet still such as they are, I use them in decrying the style of writing indulged in by " Interrorem " in his premier effusion. Argument and comment with criticism upon the sayings and doings of public men is but right, but to impute interested motives, indulge in personalities, introduce slang names, is both low and degrading. Take my advice and refrain, Mister, , your cause is just, but you retard, instead of advancing it, by using the Mail's columns as heretofore. " Men have commonly- more pleasure in the criticism which hurts, than in that ] which is innocuous." You stick to mother- j church, B. S. You must acknowledge that

if one wants dissent, he must go to Chapel for it; there the article can be found fullflavoured and of redolent fragrance. "Alas ! how light a cause may move Distention between hearts that love." " Finn," dearest, tell.me which is the worse complaint, the " cacoethee scribendi" or the " cacoethes loquendi ?" ' This is how it happened. They had been to the exhibition of Baker's Hibernicon, on Saturday evening, and were returning • home talking of the " illigant" views, and entrancing melodies, he had just given a sigh and squeezed her little hand when "He took a sudden seat, he did, In all his gorgeous foppery ; Such mournful spectacles we see When roadaways are so sloppery, And she, poor girl, went down with him, In all her pull-back frippery ; Such tragic incidents take place When roadaways are so slippery." " Poor Le Bon's." Not a bit|of it. The j scribe who wrote that should be ashamed of himself. Le Bon's, poor indeed. I consider Le Bon's luxuriantly rich. Eich in timber, rich in soil, rich in produce, rich : in quarrels, rich in litigation, rich in | "you're another," rich in a snarled-over sc'hol master, rich in a strangely-constituted school committee, rich in a king, and last, ■ but not by any means least, rich in a venerated pastor, and Zion Chapel. After such a catalogue, who can believe there is such a thing as " poor Le Bon's ?" This antiquated " swag-humper"and "billy-slinger" does not, and to prove his belief in the riches of Le Bon's, he intends sundowning at the bay on the 9th, 1 where I am satisfied a rich mental treat awaits my unsatiated palate, for is it not recorded that on the date above mentioned, the election of members fo fill up vacancies on the School Committee is then and there to take place. I did not get that " fencing in the dividing fence " job, which Mr. Dalglish's constituents could not help, so to prove to them that the unkindness of their member to myself does not inlluence me in any way, I will spread my blanket among them, growl with both parties, try and start a few scrimmages, and otherwise make myself sociably agreeable. I should like to report "Now have I found This proverb true doth prove ; The falling out of faithful friends Eenewing is of love." After all, said and done, chairmen of school committees are but mortal. I am the more convinced of the truth of this assertion by a circumstance which has just occurred in a centre of population, on Bank's Peninsula. A member of the School Committee had written, complainingly, to the Board of Education, regarding some irregularities which had taken place. This complaint was, no doubt, referred back to the Committee which it concerned, the chairman of which—himself being a teacher of men —cites in writing the complaining member to attend a meeting of Committee at 12 p.m., on Saturday, March 31st., then, and there, to explain his conduct. What did that C. S. C. mean ? did he mean to wilfully bceak the fourth commandment, and cause others to sin ? did he wish to indulge in some Apfil fool folly ? who knows ? inscrutable are the ways of chairmen, mighty is their mental powers, and ponderous their intellectual influence. Ngaio says that the key called whisky might account for the peculiar letter used, but I scorn such an imputation. Had it been myself, or any other sundowner, it might have been so, but oh, no, Sir! it is genius which will

What others only dreamed about, and do What others did but think, and glory in What others dared but do." This Sundowner has had a shock that he wont recover from until he has taken a month out at the Hot Springs. Passing at a late hour along the main street of your pretty village on Tuesday evening last, and on arriving opposite the Town Hall, the tones of a piano attracted my attention, and on presenting myself for admission, I was confronted by a'corpulent gentleman, whoso appearance bears a most striking resemblance to the " Claimant," and who, I understand, is a recognised member of the upper stratum of your community. Not being armed with the necessary passport, this unfortunate Sundowner had to take an outside seat. I approached a window —incautiously, no doubt, left open —and through which I espied the soft and the hard sex a-going it like pills.' This Sundowner, whose modesty is known to be proverbial, might have been knocked down with a feather. Somewhere I have read that " History repeats itself." I often wondered what, that meant. The difficulty has now vanished, and in this way. We all believe we commenced in a state of nature in the Garden of Eden, and what I saw through that window removed all doubts, and it is evident we are back there again. Not to go so far as the Garden of Eden, the scene of last Tuesday evening forcibly reminded this Sundowner of a hon mot made by a witty archbishop, early in the present century, and the best of it is it is a true bill. At a court ball a famous beauty, a real live duchess, too, was dressed or rather undressed in the prevailing fashion. "Did your grace ever see anything like that before ?" asked a bystander. " Never," said the archbishop, "Never since I was weaned." For the future I will know what that" History business" means.; I don'tof ten visit church, but when I do I like to see things conducted with decency and good order. Not long ago, you will recollect, I took the liberty of admonishing certain larrikins, for bad behaviour in church. Now I do like when I take the trouble to correct impropriety, to see it attended to. I went the other day to do a little worship on the quiet, and found that the larrikins had increased in number. The officers of the church must be very soft individuals. They cannot be aware, lam sure, of the existence of an Act called the " Church Brawling Act," under which persons leaving the church from some fad or other —other than sickness—can be walked off to the lock-up, and there detained until bailed or tried. I have resolved, until such time as this matter is put straight, to convey my graceful person to the opposition party, where the known liberality of your Sundowner will ensure him a welcome. Adieu.