THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume I, Issue 54, 23 January 1877, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

" Chow Chow, Welly Good !"

Ethiopian Ballad,

The advertising columns of the Akaroa Mail ; the payments made by the Borough Council*; the apathy of the undertakers in extending their business, all tend to show this Sundowner that we are suffering under a plethora of dogs, poultry, and other—to Chinamen —toothsome delicacies. Akaroa raises the cry, German Bay repeats, and Long Bay follows suit in placing the word " poison " prominently in print, in fact " Poison lurks in the air." Now why all this hullabaloo ? when we have a better way of getting rid of the quadrupedal and bipedal incubus which weighs so heavy upon the mutton, poultry, and vegetable minds finding vent in your advertising columns. Understand me, Sir, I have no wish to stop advertisements, or to injure the.prospects of any enterprising person following the butchering or the burying professions—no, far from it—my wish is again to draw attention to the desirability of introducing amongst us the "child-like and bland" John Chinaman. If John is not capable of " burying," within himself, all the troublesome flesh and fowl " about these diggings," then is he of a much maligned nation, and I am a false prophet. " What's one man's poison, Signor, Is another's meat or drink." Saint Bombastes Furioso preserve us. What has become of the scrimmage between the Borough Council and the Road Board, relative to the reserve and office thereupon erected ? Has " the Lion laid down with the Lamb ?" Was not " His Worship " authorised by resolution of the Council, to " take possession of the reserve, and retain the key of the office ?" Was not the Town Clerk instructed '" to give notice to the Chairman of the Road Board to remove the effects belonging to the Board at once?" Have these two gentlemen neglected the behests given them ? Surely they must have done so, otherwise how comes it that the Road Board members still " ventilate their oratory" in the hallowed precincts of "the office," while their respected clerk goes on the " even tenor of his way," undismayed by the anatherhas of Borough Council, Mayor, and Town Clerk. Shelley has it in " Queen Mab," that " Power, like a desolating pestilence, Pollutes whate'er it touches ; and obedience, Bain of all genius, virtue, freedom, truth, Makes slaves of men, and of the human frame A mechanized antomaton." I have told your readers, Sir, what happened to me Avhen I. recently Avcnt to church. I have uoav to tell Avhat happened to my bald headed friend Slippanel Avhen he Avent. S. is, lam sorry to state, not a good church attendant. Mrs. S. is quite the opposite, beside she takes a great interest in church decorating on festival occasions, and was especially great in aiding towards the decorations for Christmas Day. By the use of those arts Avhich ladies so Avell know how to dispense, S. Avas cajoled to church ; this is Avhat happened—The day was hot, the door Avas left open, the Avind blew strongly, and in one of its paroxysms tore partly down one of the hanging ornamentations. This, sAvaying gently backward and forward, tickled the cranium of S. AAdio, partly somnolent, kept brushing aAvay innumerable imaginary flies. A giggle in the seat at his rear, fetched S. round, Avhen after glaring maliciously at a small boy for some time he said, in stage whisper—S. is Somersetshire—« Dang the boy! leave my yed alone." The small boy abashed, left the church, and S. felt that he had settled that business. Not so, however, in a feAv minutes the titillation recommenced. S. put up AA-ith it like a martyr, until it became unbearable, when he got up and left the sacred edifice, with a face in Avhich it Avould be simply impossible to trace a lineament of Christmas kindness, or " charity to all men." S. to this day firmly believes that a small wit was practising upon him, and if he could only catch him " assault and battery" would follow.

Is the local branch of the "Ancient Order of Grumbling Growlers" defunct ? " Pity 'tis, if 'tis so." Some time since I noticed that the " Growl Master-General " advertised for a missing member "answering to the name of James." I wonder what James that was, and also wonder if that wandering member has returned penitently to the bosom of his chief, making amends by his present attention to the business of the order, for his former neglect of their precepts and principles. I

hope so. I know quite a number of James's. One assisted me to inaugurate " the Banquet" and " Fancy Fair." at the former of which our healths were' not forgotten, beside being musically rendered "so say all of us." .There is no disputing it, Sir, when we have done our* level best either in my loafing sundownihg way, or—what lam no t—as a useful member of society, disguise it as we may, we have innately " The love of praise, howe'er concealed by art," ' Reigns more or less, and glows in every heart." Adieu.