THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume I, Issue 49, 5 January 1877, Page 2

THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

Here We Are Again! Theatrical Chit Chat.

"The king is dead: Long live the king." 1876 is gone, and 1877 is with us. Since the beginning of the past year many have gone to their last account; there are plenty remaining—like myself—of not much account, numerous others who will still endeavour to subsist on running accounts, but let us hope that the accounts of the great majority are satisfactory to themselves and their respective creditors—■ " I hold the world, but as the world, Gratiano ; A stage, where every man must play a part." You remember my unsuccessful attempt to tag M.C.C. after the name of John Sundowner. If you do not, Sir, Ido ; liquor under several names floored me then. When on that wallaby Sir, I one day " slung the billy " ■ near a spot on the Little Eiver Road, from whence you have a splendid view of the harbour of Akaroa, with the town in the distance. I was engaged with my pipe "Building castles (John) in the air," when a well-dressed pedestrian came up and entered into conversation with me. We talked for some time on the beauties which nature had so lavishly spread around us. • At last, he said, pointing to Akaroa, do you know any of the magnates of thatmighty metropolis ? Rather, I replied, ten shillings and costs, and, if ever brought up again— —No! no ! no ! my bibulous friend, said he, with a smile, I do not mean that magnate, I mean those who sit in high places, and are peers above their fellows. :

" Men who their duties know," But know their rights, and, knowing, dare maintain." In plain English, do you know any of the elite of the people of that town ? I had to acknowledge I did not, but Scales did.. I have an idea, said he, and present it to you to do as you please with. Quite recently these people had some bother about a seal. The next thing they will want is a coat of arms ; here is ray design for the same—a broken fence in the foreground ; in the background a mass of docks, hemlock, tares," thistles, and other noxious weeds, so interwoven as to shade the

fence. At the .foot of the fence, a man like yourself—no offence, my friend—lying down, shaded by the rank-growth. Gules, Argent,, or, Bend dester,-arid other Maori words ;he went on with that I did not understand. But, said I, you have forgotten the motto, Mister. Yes, said he, meditatively, I had forgotten that essential. It is . ; ■ *' SOMNOLENT!!! And here is something to remember it by. When that pedestrian left, I was five shillings and an idea richer.I have always thought myself a master in the art of deglutition, and felt assured that my powers of absorption were by no • means despicable. However, I have found more than rriy match, and this was how I discovered it. Seene —of course —thffbar of a pub—this Sundowner solus. Enter a thirsty votary of of Bacchus, slightly paralyzed about the knee joints, and otherwise loose in all his joints, gait, actions, and speech. Truly he spoke—Pint o' Hooper, landlord ! No, " Quoth mine host." "You had better take some water, there is plenty outside." "Water!" replied the bacchanalian, " water! aye! why I have swallowed a tidal wave of water!" "I am sober and must have a pint o' Hooper." I did not wait to see if " the Hooper " was served, but left, thinking that with all my powers of imbibing, I could never manage a " tidal wave." Up to the present time I had always considered that for unmitigated cheek, barefaced impudence, and blissful ignorance of being possessed of either qualifications, Sundowner's' stood pre-eminent. I give in, Sir, we are beaten on our merits by "my very good masters," those luminous meteors, yclept school committemen. Dryden wrote " For bold knaves thrive without a grain of sense, But good men starve for want of im-' pudence." I never before read the ditto of this • which is reported t ! o said by a representative of the 'hous-iiv,' rs of Akaroa, concerning his constituent- said constituents having had the effronte ;/ to sign and send a petition to the school Dininittee —"half the number or! those v hose names appeared on the petition, were not interested, and the other half would sign anything presented to them." Oh! "carryme out," Sir, this is outheroding Herod. Why, I foolishly thought that every one paying school rates were " interested," but I am authoritatively told by this sapient orator, the contrary. Householders of x\karoa, cut that painter, let him go pots and all.—Let me tell you what the celebrated author La Bruyere Avrote —"Gross ignorance produces a dogmatic spirit. He who knows nothing thinks that he can teach others what he has himself just been learning."*—Adieu. -