Facetiœ

Auckland Examiner, Volume 1, Issue 3, 25 December 1856, Page 4

Facetiœ

Physical Difficulty.—Putting a blister on a hedge-hog. How to tell Chalk from Cheese.—Try to make cheese from milk sold in Auckland.

Irish Lemons. —A lemonless Irishman was observed one evening slicing a potato into his hot whiskey toddy. “ Why, what are you about ?” inquired Charley. “ It’s punch I’m makin’, dear,” quietly replied Pat. “ But what are you slicing that in for ?” “To give it a flavour.” What! a potato flavour?” “ And sure, isn’t a flavour a flavour whether it’s a lemon or a pitaty ?” Men have Health in their Power. —In most of instances man has his health greatly in his own power; for even a moderate regard for the decencies of life is usally followed or rewarded by a fair share of health and comfort ; but when men and women neglect themselves and their children, one and all of them are rendered doubly liable to disease and death. It may be said that typhus fever, and many other infectious diseases, generally originate in depots of poverty, profligacy and filth; and every medical man can testify, that, under such circumstances, the great majority of severe cases prove fatal. * * If people were as much alive to the performance of their do mestic duties, and to a becoming conduct in life, as they are often to those gratifications which pander only to the animal appetites and propensities, they would to a certainty, be much more comfortable, healthy, and happy, and would very seldom be subjected either to the sweeping scourge of pestilence, or to the direful effects of famine. Famine and pestilence usually accompany each other, and are very generally the consequence of all those moral outrages which degrade and disgrace human nature.

For Large Canoes; unlimited crews ; Ist prize £2O, 2nd £lO, 3rd £6, if five start. For Tiwai Canoes; Ist prize £B, 2nd £3, if five start. For Gig and Dingy Race (Duck hunt). tipp Three Boats to start in every race or no race. Gig and Whale-Boat races will be provided should boats offer and subscriptions permit. Rules, Courses, &c.. see future advertisements. z All Entries to be made the Saturday before Regatta. No Post Entries, except for such as not in Port. The Committee beg respectfully to remind the public that the proposed programme and the whole of their arrangements entirely depend upon the amount of subscriptions, therefore trust donations, will be liberal when solicited. List of subscribers will be published 16th and 17th Jan., then additional as received; to be closed 24th prox. By order of the Committee, B. T. King, Hon. Sec. Dec. 24, 1856.