Facetiœ

Auckland Examiner, Volume 1, Issue 1, 11 December 1856, Page 4

Facetiœ

The Newspaper.—A newspaper is a sermon for the thoughtful, and a library for'the poor. Nearly all brave men have been ofja finely organized and therefore nervous temperament. Julius Cassar was nervous, so was Buonaparte, so was Nelson. The Duke of Wellington saw a man turn pale as lie marched up to a battery. 1 That,’ he. said, ‘ is a brave man : he knows his danger and faces it.’ There are-about half-a-million more women than men in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland'; but then there are more women married than men, which helps to balance the account: for more men,marry twice, three, and four times than women do. “ Mr. Jenkins, ’“ said mine host of the Swan, “ as you always come in late, have you any obje'etion to this gentleman occupying your, bed until the stage goes

out?” Not the least. 1 will be infinitely obliged to you if you put him there, so that the bugs can have their supper before I come.” We know a lawyer who gets so confused by press of business that he frequently mistakes one parchmeut sor another ■ in fact, ho has been known “to take the will for the deed.”

A Man in Michigan, not long since, committed suicide by drowning. As the body could not be found, the coroner held an inquest on his hat and jacket, found on the bank of the lake. Verdict—“ Found empty !”