Odds and Ends.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 452, 15 December 1904, Page 7

Odds and Ends.

HOTRL> ; ,01^j,—Your face looks'" familiar, sir;- .'•••• Uncle Humsted.—Likely 'nough, young man. It's the only one I ever had. "ABSEht-minded. - One of the; most absent-minded men on record is a certain professor/ who, before entering his own study, knock's at the door and then says—' Cpmein,' WITH A STING. Hostess': 'And when you told him I was married, did he seem to be sorry?' Friend: 'Oh, yes; he said so quite . frankly I'' ••'. ..., ... • ' ... Hostess. :'..«Did he really ?' .'./' , V. L._'' Friend:' 'Yes, indeed—he said^fcewas extremely sorry, although he didn't know.'; 'r j the man personally 1' : j'" " v '"■• - .; ;„. HURRIEDLY LEFT. ■r A would-be exquisite, in a tramcar, | seeing a young lady whom he thought to be impressed with his personal charms, crossed over and took a seat beside her, and said: • 'Haven't Imet you somewhere before ?' - To which she replied in. a voice heard by the other passengers: ' I'm riot sure, but ■! I think you're the man who cleans out ! windows.',"'/ .. ■'■"■-. '■* ZrM .The passengers laughed, and the young man hurriedly-left the oar. A PERFECT LADY. • A house-surgeon at a hospital was at- . tending to the injuries of a poor woman . • whose arm had been severely bitten. As' he was dressing the wound he said, ' I oani not make out what sort vol a creature hit you. This is, too small •for a horse bite, I and too large for a dog's.' ' Oh, sir,'replied the patient, ' it wasn't __, an animal ;< it was another lady,' pH . —' ■ ' -J?* IN COURT- ■ P . Old Lady in Court of Justice: ' What a frichtiul villainous-looking man the prisoner is I', M"' •Lawyer; 'Hush;l -.That's not the prisoner; that's the": Judge.' ,;'■;.:„',..;. SOLD. . " , 'A country auctioneer was greatly exasperated by the ludicrous bids of a man whose .sole object seemed to be to make ' sport for the. buyers at the auctioneer's expense. At' last, enraged beyond endurance, the man with the hammer, glanoing round the room in search of a champion to avenge his wrongs, appealed to a man of huge dimensions. ' Marlow,' he said, ' what shall I give you to put that fellow out ?' "■ . Marlow intimated his readiness to tackle tho job for ten shillings, '"""?* .'Done! Done! You shall ha\e it I'cried the auctioneer. Old Marlow stroke up "to the offender and, seizing him by the collar,, whispered in a voice audible in every part of the room, 'l'll give you half the money Ji. if you will come with me, old man I' 'Done I Done!' cried the other. The' auctioneer had the good sense to join in the laugh and hand oyer the money* ; : HE GOULD CURE IT. v VA certain; doctor was noted for his bad temper, which caused the more venturesoirie of to play practical jokes.,; v ; upon him. -Orfbne occasion a well-dressed young asked the dootbr to prescribe for '3m breaking-out ota rash on" hia left arm] The doctor examine>(| the * limb, and. it to be a. bJSf ; \)'as*' : . of eczema. - . i: "'- •■ v . ";•.- : ; _ " ' you can cure it ?**" • ' Why, replied the dootor, ' How lprigwill it take to get well ?' ' Ohj say about two months, 0 it a bad case ?' ' -..' . '.<|£Bijj :.'..;.? Pbiiti^eiy^npeorst I've seen.' - : - ■ -JwP™ ' Then"rwul^efla"it with you,;, and; for it solemnly said the, ifpatient, slowlyTOifastening his arm', which k was an artificiafeone, and. painted-for t"hg •'? bo'cftsibn. . > ■ ' '■->■*■■''- vi\ . ■ "'."'•'''-'".' ."•. : ,.'.CS»Ssi

Rtehijd the Wnx. iha U*a Heart - Lay faint aad scant-©* br#*taBartram de Oor oa's; wan tfc* shaft . ' That did him *o has dsatH. Th«y fercosM ta« hor *o mast has dseaa Before ths dying- king— Agahtal the aaatl of ascry «mr . jr Be heard ths daerora Hoc. "Tears waa the head that atawaf ah* How, Tears that the arrow seat « Say.' said the km*, "has ahasMa wg Or waa it-death j** t »*antr* ' - "Bsatar ertsd the nor. T. meant ate daath /" Who laid rajr kladrad low. Tyrant, who allsd ssy Hfa with lose; .. Who nils the world with woer m * Ths "Lion Baart with Arins area . / •Mrtaysd the tail, dark lad, - Whose blood went singing th»uuaj>j;bsj r»tns . . -With hate and darbsg glad. J'',- < wheta-it mighty spear bold' hook The strtela of ths t.nt gas* went. &f 4| jpsst hj moms a fetnsj ic4#i ' fcßwwjSwiyaf haak to heaven . R* fait his moaioti waatal Andl marked amour his msn a* ssusr Stirs ominous of heats, S *|f Hisjproud flamce lowwd to the bee*'^-' WhoaUhianowar daflsd— -* T "Go—l fergfre yoa!" *iltsjia am»1l, *■ * ■ -' The Uon Heart, aad ' . - -Harriet Praseott apoffoKfi*J» *>uCf«