Artful Mrs. Buskirk.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 452, 15 December 1904, Page 7

Artful Mrs. Buskirk.

PETER BUSKIRK was very fond of money. Beggars reaped no harvest from his purse or kitchen, and matchmakers could make no impression on his bachelor heart.' Peter Buskirk saw through the latter as well as the former, and buttoned up his pockets as hastily in the presence of a bewitching damsel as in that of a seedy gentleman with a folded document in his breast pocket. Not that Peter hated woman—on the contrary; even at fifty he was remarkably susceptible ; a bright eye put him in a flutter. But the fact was, women, as wives or daughters were expensive. They needed clothes, and were fond of dainties. They were proverbially extravagant. Should he marry one, she would spend his money while he lived, and squander it after he was- dead. And with this awful terror before him, Peter steered clear of the shoals of matrimony. There was one inconvenience in bis bachelorhood, however. This was the housekeeping ; for it involved a servant—someone to make beds, wash dishes, cook and iron. In short, the servant-of-all-work was always the bane of Peter's life—eating and drinking in a manner which kept the master of the house in a continual ferment. He tried Betty, and Dinah, and Mary Ann, and then, in despair, flew to a certain Mrs Brown, the giver of tea parties innumerable, for advice. ' Now I should advise marrying, Mr Buskirk.' 'Marrying!' • Yes, sir; a wife can manage such things so much better. Besides, if you choose a' smart, capable woman she will keep an eye on the servant. It would be much more economical to marry.' ' Economicall' said Peter. "Feathers and flowers, laces and silks, and rings and —economical! How many yards do you take for a dress, ma'am?' • Well, sir, twelve or fifteen—sometimes, when it is silk, you know, eighteen.' «Eighteen yards, at five shillings or so a yard, and not one dress, but twenty. My good lady, it would be enough to ruin a man.' Mrs Brown reflected. ' But if you could find an economical woman, Mr Buskirk, who lives on next to nothing. The fact is, Mr Buskirk, I Lave such a lady in my eye. She's a widow — quite a young one—Mrs Barlow, and I'll have her at Peach House next week.' Peter Buskirk grinned sarcastically. ' Economy in dresses and bonnets,' he said to himself. ' They want to marry me and spend my money.' And he went home wroth. However, economy forbade him to refuse an invitation to dinner; and when, a week after, Mrs Brown sent 'her compliments,' &c, Mr Buskirk donned his dress suit and went over to Peach House at five precisely. The ' parlour was full of ladies in silks and! muslins, with laces and flounces. Most of them Mr Buskirk knew well, and he looked about in vain for a stranger, Mrs Brown'snote had said—- ' Mrs Barlow will be with us.' But which was that economical widow ? Probably the lady . in green silk near the piano. He could not, however, see her face. - Suddenly Mr Buskirk's doubts were set at rest.-. Mrs Brown ejaculated, ' Dear me, where is. Cousin Betsy ? Mr Buskirk, you must he introduced to Mrs Barlow,' and at these words something small and flat , emerged from- between two portly dames and st<sod before him. It was a very short and slender little woman, with a remarkably pretty face. i Pleasant day,' said Peter to commence the conversation. ' Pleasant day, but cold.' f Ah, yes, but I dislike cold weather,' said the lady. r 1 Don't agree with you, ma'am.' ' Cli, that's not it. I am never ill, but cold is so expensive. Lights early and coals dear,' proceeded the lady. ' Money slips through one's fingers, and I never waste things'.';. • My case exactly,' said Buskirk. ' It's astonishing what things cost. Now there is butter—say a pound a fortnight.' w ' Oh, I don't use butter;' it costs too much,' said the lady. «Ah ! and sugar and tea and coffee.' «If you indulge in such luxuries, what can you expect?' said Mrs Barlow. • They are artificial wants altogether, so. they are,' said Mr Buskirk. «But then habit is second nature.' •Extravagant habits ruin many,' said Mrs Barlow. Peter was charmed. Hehegan to. think Mrs Brown right. The cost' of such a*wife would be a mere trifle, and what ant aye she would keep to the expenses of a household. Ere the evening was over he had decided that it would bo cheaper to marry than to remain single, were Mrs Barlow his helpmate. ' She'd not only be saving herself, but she would check me in my little extravagance,' said he. 'She would be invaluable to me. She wears one dress ten years. The fates must have sent her to earth for my special benefit.' m So, after due consideration, Peter resolved to court the economical widow, and that lady being conveniently domiciled at Mrs Brown's, he found every opportunity. It was a very inexpensive courtship. Ho

gave her not a present. She expected none. v He took, her nowheretsave to churohf where neither of "ffcem ever saw -thlvjpiate, and both.were h'appyirr"At last he proposed. She. blushed-and. and bagged time to she said,' lam afraid to say"yes, Mr Buskirk. I like you; but you are-so terribly extravgant. You drink tea and coffee, and eat butter, and really I should fear coming to want; I Bhould, indeed.' 'I ? Why, I'm the "most economical soul living,' said Peter. * Extravagant people always think that,' said the lady. ' No, I'm afraid to say yes, unless, indeed, you were to make your property over to me, so that I could be sure you would not ruin yourself. Of course that is impossible, and it would be such a care that really I could scarcely desire it, even-for a gentleman Iso much respect.' And the economical relict blushed and hesitated. It was Peter's turn to pause and consider. Ho went away to do so, and, returning suddenly to his house, found his housemaid selling dripping to a man. He dismissed her at once, and rushed back to Mrs Barlow's. 1 My moaey would be safer in your hands than mine,' he said, with a moan. ' Marry me, and keep me from being ruined.' What the widow's answer was may be judged from the fact that three weeks from that day they were united, the clergyman receiving five shillings from Peter, and the bride wearing her brown merino, in the pocket of which she carefully deposited the deed which made the property exclusively her own. 'Now for happiness,' said Potor. 'No more thieving servants—no more waste—and a lovely wife into the bargain.. He, he, he I Peter Buskirk is the man for luck.' ... '••".-*• And he took his bride home to dine on cold meat and radishes, being absolutely ashamed even to speak of his accustomed mutton chop before so economical a lady. The next morning he hurried "to business. ' Never waste time, love,' said the newlymarried dame. ' Besides, I've a great deal to attend to ; good-bye.' . ' Good-bye,' responded Peter. ' What a treasure you are, my dear. r The washing, I suppose ? My mother always washed on Monday. And away he went, content with himself and all the world. At six he returned. Horror of. horrors | there were ladders against his house, and men upon them. Had there been a fire ? He rushed up breathless. ' What is the matter ? Who are these men ?' he panted. ' Eire 1 thieves ! Oh! I must be dreaming.' ' Don't make a noise, love,' said a voice from the parlour window. ' They're only the bouse painters.' 1 House painters!' ' Yes, dear. Don't you know the Dutch proverb, ' A coat of paint pays itself' ?' Peter breathed again. ■But the awful expense I' he said. ' Dear, dear, you should have consulted me.' He stumbled into the house, and over the form of a man kneeling in the hall. ' Who are you ?' he asked. In reply the person produced a card on which was printed, Gilt and Binder, upholsterers. ' And what are you doing?' gasped Peter. 'Measuring the hall for a new oilcloth, sirj' said the man. Peter staggered on. A woman was making up a carpet in the front parlour; another was arranging curtains. He rushed upstairs. There sat another woman also at work. Again he gasped th 6 question, ' Who are you ?' ' Mrs Buskirk's regular seamstress, please sir,' said the woman, 1 And where is Mrs Buskirk ?' 1 Here, love,' said a voice. And there entered from an adjoining room a lady dressed in silk, with bracelets, brooch, earrings, and a little lace cap worth a small fortune. •The furniture is ordered, and the painters are here, and I've engaged all the servants, Mr Buskirk,' said the lady; ' and cook wants to know whether you like beef under or well done. In such things you shall have your choice always. There was no time to make a pudding to-day, so we must have ices. Strawberries, too, are only two shillings a basket.' ' Mrs Buskirk, have you gone crazy V cried Peter, ' or am I dreaming ?' 'l'm wide awake, at all events,'cried the lady. ' I've starved long enough, and worn that brown merino until I hate it. I always was fond of dress—-' 'Pond of dress!' repeated Peter, 'and loved good things !' 'Loved good things,' repeated the spouse; ' and now I'm married I mean to have them.' 'But if I had—known—I—' began Peter. ' Wouldn't have married me, I suppose, 1 said the bride. 'Well, my cousin, Mrs Brown, told me that,.you know.' Peter looked at her. The truth was plain at last. He tried to speak, but could not. He stared at his lady for five minutes by the clock, and then rushed out of the house muttering, 'Taken" in! taken in!' It is said Peter Buskirk never recovered the shock. Against his will he lived luxuriously ever after ; and his wife astonished the neighbourhood by. her magnificent attire and grand parties. But nevertheless, Peter himself expired in less than a year; and the last words on his lips were said to be, ' Taken in ! taken in i'