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A NEW ENTERDROSE.

" % arr max.. adbsubbs. Mt^ "If yoa only had a lit*** oapitdl toftT****," said tho goung man, as ha tow a ahejhrand an* down etort to my doek, "I mifhtgai yes in the waa of a good tatnf)." "Oh, no. It'a a potrifaction tampan?; tho : Columbia Petrifaction eompany, of Ciahan eoanty. I eonld »pare you 100 sharee/' ! "What does tha eoinpany do?" "Why, yon havow, it ova* a bmeeton* spriD« ap hore in Garion eoeuaty. Toatsprisg seed to belong to a maa named HorkinMr Jones. One day, when his weQ raft dry, Jonee went od aad brought a bucket of water from that spring and tho family drank it. What was the coniequeaoe* Next mora* rag when the neighbors oaM, Horkhner Jones was sitting at the aupper table turziad to solid atone. Sc had half of a senses *** his mouth; that was turned to stone, too. So was Mrs. Jones, aad EBon P. Jones, and Herkimer Jonet, Jr., and the baby. The limestone water did it. The hsars closed the whole lot out to a sculptor named Fergosoa, who arranged them jn a group and sold thorn to tho British museum as models from tho antique. That is, accepting tbo baby. Ho put plaster pana wtogt oa the baby and paiaad hhn edl as an esagnel dectica «4 a Cupid." "Who* about the eoaapanyf "Well, foa see, the company at once bought ap the spring property and they intend to go tate the petrifying business up? 1 a largo seals. For example, s'pose'n you; got a eontraet from eoagreas to execnta an equestrian statue ef (ton. Washington. First yon fnd a horse; you make that horse drink at th* apring, and there he ia! Perfectly apiondvd! Then foa n*4 a mam who beeva a aort of general reeembeanee to Waabing- . ton. Ton arrauge a pieaie; get that man up there ia the woods; offer him a drink: and in 11 minntos you can chip spalls oil of him with a atoao-chieol. Then you mctir.t your maa on your horse, and taora you hare a groap of atataery aueh a* Greece in her palmiest days would have given her bottom dollar to gut" # -."V "I-tee." ' '.:s "Th« sompany, yws baow, purpssoa to have toe eoantry yoorhouaa located aear to the spring; and as the president ef theboavi of trustees owna 00 shares, we calculate ts solidify peuposo right along, without interaatssioa, s*7 '# *r »0 a day. Don't you.sea Trh»i:.« magmifice»t ar'otpee| i* op*naup f«i: hijfii an m jtittarioa! rT« c«fl jJaj jto* fv&nv a statue ef U»«. Jsshaos, e'■ r ■ i.hn only araiiabJe pauper ia ioe fit. W'* do wo do? We poerify him, and then *• ohip hhn down aad tooah up hia eourvfo H*netf, maybe, with a ehiael. BhtppoOT 3v« want a pan of smnte to work into the frees* door to a ehuroh. Wo selvet a couple oi voaerable vagrants, harden them, turn thti? noeee down, to give thern dignity of expretrion, aad the bricklayers then can bnile" them right mto the door jambs." "Suppose the demand fee that Wad of u*ai«ary be-small?' "Then wo come down to* basis of utiliir at ono*. B'poshV there's a psupsr with juflatumatory rheumatiam ip his leg! We petrify him. Wo sell him is a doctor. That dtetor cuts ot the lag with a marble saw, sad theirs he haa that iadainmetory rheumatiam right before hhn turned into granits. S'poam' <»e of them has a torpid liver! in two hours *he dootora can examine tl«*t iiver just aa if >4 was a brickbat, wHh t:* iorpidity sticking out *» over it. Miad yoa, t( the supply of paupers holds out, I vent lift to say that the day ia not far diatant whta you ,oan take petrified ltvarf, and hearts, and muscles, and brain pans and build a two-story houee with them, with all t'sa modem (eonvenieness, a mighty sight eheAP* er thanyott eaa bufld it eat ef common stone. Imagine living in a'house made of ossified livers! 380 Hatent, wouldn't it! It would attract aftontiou, * "I don't tare for snob things myvelf, but—" "Gen. Bungs, be tried some curious experiments with ths water out of that spring. He threw a bucketful on a eat that was jumping about oa his back fsaee one night; and there she is now, fur up, tail elevat«4, n. ith open, picturesque and natural a* ike! .Next night he soused another one; same ef.' et of eourae; aad aow Gen. Bange haa 13 exquisite statuette* of cats in various attitudes of grace ranged around on bis fence. .Ferguson, the sculptor, toM him ho couldn't have had those eats done in Carrara ma Hale iu Europe under fJO,OOO. But, of eourae. ,r> * have to be careful when you have the Columbia water around.* Gen. Bang* kept hia in a barrel, and the other day hi/m-.i tt-

in-law filled a pitahar from it, accidfn.rl r. and took * drink. On* hour later it :<.'•'* mfx men to carry her to th* window so t! <n>, eonld lower a«nr to the pavement wit a % derrick. Sit* weighed nearly a ton, and wet •o hard fon eouMa't crack her with a sledgehammer. The general wat sorry, of oonre-;: and after hj« had Ear meuatad on a reTolriaj pedestal ke kept her in hie front parlor for a while, palming her off on hi*'friend* a* an imported statue of Mines-r*. Bert, finally, at ehe excited unpleaeant aomaMfelav h* had her cut into slab* aasajw* »to hi* *sMHitaTy lot at tombiton**. Ha had tha gratifying reflection that ehe if wmr tho#* who wrr* dear to her. Let m* toll yon tan* if on* eompeny ones get* to work, and pauper* are plenty, ft man wke want* a variegated tombstone can get something that will pi**** hi* tasta at ratoa thatjeiSl make the marble* yard people eiek." ' '• "It look* like a good tkvaej, Vn* I Whtt 1 don't rare to go into it." "11l tell yon what lit do. I'm s> Jirtl* preeeed for monef now, and if roull bay M •hareo, yon may ink* tk«ta a* haM pri«a, »»d I'll petrify any of yon* relntiaM fon sap for nothing. How** than?" "I hare no rtMioM ttefth I was* In tbs* condition?' "Ko aunt, or grandmother, «r earthfef that wonld work «p wail into » table tot* or a dab for * fixed *Mfa*na4T "No." "Ann roi'ra goiaf to 4k»f *wnf ttfe ekanc* of promoting ***4i**tie «Hare tt4 df encouraging the love for eke beantsfal in go® own conn try !" "I'm afraid so." The young man shook lII* tmA ae& *Jf n«4 as if he could hardly bear, «• tkij* «d the «•> f*n*ra<-y of the time*, and t*«* k« «a»j: "Could you land ma a «nart«r, M9f «*»?* - ■ f lent it to <h»m, and & solemn promise to repay it «a*k»«»mW. But he mnst hare gona t* Bnropa t» sail kto shares, lor ka newr saAnwa*.-*!. *. Weak!*, « R«A»a>tftoe>* «*" ft AaeftaflMfc Woman work iitohkittiM Jnrt «Jw»w«*&a» do dough. . .- . ~ Money make* tha snaM fa, Ms) IMM make the money go. Fi**t youttr married setftea lowito «»«* rel and then not to. . . It'a funny, bat Meek-bared WWVW* their hair to be red and graf»h«ur*d VttMft ■rant their* to be blank. „k , i . AH that a man knows «*e*Jfc MMMW fa of mighty littl* nae to khn whan an trie* I to pat the fame** teto «e*jajas«o« «•» »• winter.—N, T. Pram. '

Permanent link to this item
Hononga pūmau ki tēnei tūemi

https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/AHCOG19040922.2.12

Bibliographic details
Ngā taipitopito pukapuka

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 440, 22 September 1904, Page 3

Word count
Tapeke kupu
1,225

A NEW ENTERDROSE. Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 440, 22 September 1904, Page 3

A NEW ENTERDROSE. Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 440, 22 September 1904, Page 3

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