Humour.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 428, 28 July 1904, Page 8

Humour.

—,», — A doctor having istated that he could diagnose ailment's by examining a single hair of the patient, two young men as a joke took him a hair from an old horse. The doctor gravoly wrote a prescription and said his fee wan half a guinea. The j ikera were somewhat staggered, but paid the fee, and *en t, laughing all the way, to the chemist"?. The latter took the prescription and in amazement read aloud: 'Turn the animal out to grass.' Then the jokers stopped laughing. ' I saw ycu out on your bicycle the other day -when tbera was such a high wind* blowing.' ' Yes} I punctured b ith tires before I got home.' ' Have to walk P' 'No You see the wind was so strong it kept both tires filled through the punctures, and I never found out they were burst until next day * Passenger in Train (to bookstall boy) .- ' "Sou probably did not know, when you offered me this book, that I was the author.' Bookstall Boy: 'Really P Well, jou'd best keep quiet about it, I've just sold a copy to the man next, to you.' An amusing story is told in some recollections published in 'Blackwood's Magazine ' of a testy old gentleman who was at sohool with Thackeray. «Thackeray P .What Thackeray P' he said, when asked about. the novelist. ' What, the fellow who wrote books P Oh, yes, he was my fag, and a snivelling little beggar I thouiht him. Often H&ve I given him a sound kick for a false quantity in his Latin verse. I thought nothing of him—nothing, I can assure jou.' As he had never taken the trouble to read HQhackeray's books, however, perhaps the old gentleman's opinion as to his early character was of sligbt consequence.

Bobby (entering the room excitedly): ' Father, father, the people of B object to be buried in B- Cemetery.'

Father ,(* member of B Town Council): ' Indeed; what's r the matter aowP Why are they objecting to be buried there ?'

Bobby (edging near to the door): : Because they are not dead jet.'