Page 3 Advertisements Column 4

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 422, 19 May 1904, Page 3

>• B\i&g» (to prisoner)— Drunk again, - Iftitrick. What have yo» to say lor |p©urself this time? '* Patrick—Sure, yer anner, ifc's Urhx ftp to me Christian principles OI aitt. Judge—Christian principles, you rascal! .■; Patricks-Yes, yer anner; aintityerself a« say* whisky's me wurst enemy, and ain't it Trie Christian principles aa teaches m* to love meenei»iee? u ~N.Y. Times. \ «Wy Point Wortk Oo«»«ft«»arts> i Confidential Friend—l'm not sure about thia measure being for 'the public good. Have you considered what would be the result if it should gass? Statesman—Considered? I've done a lot more than that. Pre made inquiries all over my district, and it won't aflect my ohances for another. ♦era m the slightest degree,"—ChiI Beiqr Hawijsk. "' ©rlgga—€o you are going to have your fortune told by the new astrologer downtown. Let me give you a pointer. If you want him to predict that you will one day be rich, just give him a handsome tip. ■''•'* -. »H rlgß.; I*g|give him my note for a thousand or so, paj*able when I become a millionaire.— Boston Transcript. A PMMtOlt. aever aeecn properly adjusted in this world," said the careless young man. , ••For instancer '"^ ab # **l have observed time and again that the people with the most expensive tastes almost invariably have the least money, to meet them."— Washington Mar. , ■Vest He, ■Bwt the new minister a* that ohureh is so awfully conceited." "But, really, latt Sunday Tom Wftß quite modest." ,-... .-. »». "You, don't say.** '' "Yes. In the course of his sermon lie said: 'We are all mere or less fallible. Brett I am*"" Press. Vo Be CNMard«d. "You say your airship is a success," "I do," answered the inventor. "But it never flies any distance worth mentioning.". "Of course not. I* Is too valuable an invention to be allowed off the earth very long at a time."—Washington Star. is. RearwlsMr Plasm*. Grocer—Teu pounds of fcheese! Yes, sir. What kind? Hauakeep—Any old kind. X Just want it to catch mice with. Grocer Gracious! Ten pounds would eateh all the mice in town. Hauakeep—Well, it looks as if w« had 'em.—Philadelphia Press. Bl'YwaJ Quite Sol "Did Dora tell you about Jack's proposal? She says he.literally hurled himself at her feet." "Ah, but I suppose she suppressed the fact that she had, figureativeiy. flung herself at his head."—lAJly His Opinion. She—7 know some oouples that quarreled a good deal at first, but got along pretty well later on. '■ He—Oh, yes! Some people take matrimony like rheumatism - they they don't complain much.— 'orw»l liltot. "Is there any way in whfeh I ean evsr reaeh the top of the bladder?" asked the discouraged poet. ':' "OneI" responded the great editor. "Tell me,quick!" "Change your occupation from bnrd to hod-carrier."—Chicago Daily News, Imnanrea. : ~ Th« bor«, though scantily ewSmirwA. In none tint less a happy elf. H(< talk* till ev«ryon* Is tired j S. Antl thu» 1c a«ver*bor«J him*aifc - J Siw. ' ''- . ;; " • mm Mm, Younghub—flee, George, faav, ]*M nice nig with Admiral Dewey'e wrtfait k ii that I've bought for ih« hali,—Chicago Daily News. Ptolmblr Uad, Mother—Do you think that . yotitlg n>»n has saved anything? | hj f).i. lighter—Undoubtedly, HeV taya he has never loved before.— •Puck. " ■;:' Too Ctaream torn Anr Wee. .. He—l have never, loved any other voman siuee mother. -^ She—Then you need a governess, not i v.ife.rjPpwn Topics. ■ ,",\ . In ABjue l Land. "T am going to fight this out to the' >itter end," said the man from'.Cbllege 'oint as he took his regular doge oi luinine.—N. Y. Times. *;? ■An Insinuation. '''"JLM ;■ '■ "They claim to be connected with o'me of the best families." "By telephone?" Philadelphia ARIBIAN HAIR RESTORE*," As lafalUabhv Prsrsßtatrre kaUaets *ad Grsy Hairs;; ilsadorsj t%\ bsadant, *efogM& glejs^ (f - w«9«ri, greosr's,' . sud oheuniti.—Jr«