Humour.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 412, 7 April 1904, Page 2

Humour.

' We have called,' exclaimed the chairman of the committee, 'to ask you to make an impromptu speech at the meeting t^-night.' ' I cannot,' replied the great man. ' I can deliver an address, but if you want me to make an impromptu speech you should give me two weeks' notice.'

Willie (mquiringlj): 'Mamma, is this hair oil in this bottle ?' M tmma: ' Mercy no, that's gum.' Willie (wiselj). • I 'specs that's why I can't get my hat t if.'

A bookseller was much annoyed with a customer cantinuing to ask the price of articles, evidently with very little intention to buy anything; so when the cuetcmer, taking up a box of paper and envelopes, said: «Wbat does this run about ?'

The exasperated boakseller replied, 'That does not run a'.out, that is stationery.'

A lady who had two children sick with the measles wrote to a friend for the best remedy. The friend had received a note from another lady inquiring the way to mak6 pickles. To her confusion the lady who inquired the way to make pickles got the remedy for the measles, and the anxious mother of the Bick children read withhorror the following :■—' Scald them three times in boiling vinegar, sprinkle them with salt, and in a few days they will be cured.'

' And is he married yet ?' ' N\ eir ! and a mighty good thing it is for his wife.'

J*ck Lover (expecting an outburbt of giief) : • And what would you say if I should take your sister from you P' Little Helea (quietly and politelj) : ■ Thank you, sir.'