Humour.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 411, 31 March 1904, Page 7

Humour.

Thynne: 'My dear chap, I teU you Jones is a crank.' Stout: ' A orank I Anyhow, he's sincere.' Thynne: 'Of coarse. You can tell that by the shape of his head!'

Ea.mfla Tormer (ss Hamlet): 'There is something rotten» of Denmark I' ~-

Voice (from the gallery): * You're it, old man l\

Mamma: ' Yes, that little spider has eight eyes, Tommy.' Tommy: 'My! I wish I had been a spider when I went to the circus V

The Native: ' Golly, I'll never get out of this!' The Tiger: «Oh, you'll get out of that all right, but you'll get into this 1'

' Have yon.ever dose anything that will cause yon to be remembered by the next generation ?' •Cetaialy,' answered the unambitious man. 'I have piled up enough debts to keep my name before a number of people for an indefinite period.'

Mrs Crimps: ' I wish to see Professor Salmagundi, the astrologer. I wish to learn if to-morrow will be a lucky day for me to start on a journey. The Professor's Servant: 'Very sorry, but the professor is dead. He was killed in a railway accident,'

ABGUED OUT. •Father, you know——' •No, I don't.' «Don't what, father P' !Doa't know the answer to whatever question yon are going to ask.' 'Why, you don't know what I am going to ask, do you, father ?' ' No, of course not.' ' Then how do you know you don't know 'I don't know what it is that I don't know, but all the same I know I don t know.' , ■ ~ • But, father, if you don't know what it iB that you don't knew, how do you know that you don't know? If you don't know, it seems to me that you don't know whether you know or don't know, and— -* • I know I don't know, simply because I don't know the answers to any of the outlandish questions that your peculiar inqutsitiveness is for ever prompting you to ask.' 'But, father ' 'Ah, well, ask your question and be done with it. What is it that you want totaowP' •, | 'Why, I—l don't know. You've made me forget it!'