Humour.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 411, 24 March 1904, Page 7

Humour.

'Ma, what did the. moths, eat before Adam and Eve wore clothes P' Father to Son: * Can't you possibly cut down your college expenses ?' Son: 'I might possibly do without any books.' ' Ethel is such a manly sort of jgirl!' 'Oh, very. Why, when;a burglar got into her house last week she crawled under the bed instead of tackling him.' Examining Medical Professor: 'Now, Bir, tell me how you would treat a case of typhoid fever.' "~ Student: 'Well, sir, I should first—l should first—l .*; E. M. P. (impatiently): ' Yes, yes; go on.' Student (seized with a brilliant idea) : ' I should first call you in for consultation.' Lady: *So you are looking for a square meal, eh ?' Tramp: ' No'm, I'm looking for a round one.' Lidy: ' I never heard of such a thing. Pray what is a round meal P Tramp: ' One dat hasn't any end to it, mum.' Old Clerk (proposiag a toast to the heroine of the day): 'We enjoy thd high privilege, of celebrating to-day, as wa do every year,'the twenty-ninth birthday of the respected daughter of our esteemed employer. Here's to her health.' 'I suppose,' said the impressionable young girl,«that you didn't hare to wait long for a husband, Mrs Sharps.' •'" ' No,' replied Mrs Sharpe,' I didn't, but I do now—till midnight at least, and often longer.' He: 'I am dying for a kiss.' She: ' Then why .ion't youP' He: 'Kiss?' She : «No, die.' 'Daareat,' she murmured, ' i'n so afraid you'll change.' 'Darling,' he answered, ' you'll never find any change about me.' Which was painfully true in a double sense. ' I am afraid the noble'man who is to become your son-in-law has not much talent for business.' ' I don't know,' answered Mr Cumrox. 'lf he can manage to get as good prices for other merchandise as he does for a title, I'll trust him to take his chances in business.' * He's eo foolish/ said the one in white. 'Foolish P' returned the one in grey. «Yes. He wants to marry her.' ' Oh, then he iB foolish!' • He: 'I was bathing this morning, and was within an inch of being drowned.' She: ' How unfortunate!' LAUGHABLE DEFINITIONS. Many children are so crammed with everything that they really know nothing. Tn proof of this, read these veritable specimens of definitions, written by public school children:

' Stability is the taking care of a stable. 1 ' A mosquito is the child of black and white narents.'

' Monastery is the place for monsters.' ' Toßoin is something to do with getting drunk.'

' Expostulation ie to have the small-pox.' 'Cannible 1b two brothers who killed each other in the Bible.'

' Anatomy is the human body, which consists of tbree parts, the head, the chut, and the stommick. The head contains the eyes and brains, if my; the chist contains the longs and a piece of the liver. The stommick is devoted to the bowels, of which there are five, a, e, i, o t o, and Bomstimeo w and y.'