Humour.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 410, 17 March 1904, Page 2

Humour.

Mrs Wildman: *I can tell you this, Mr Wildman, if you continue in your present life of extravaganca you'll certainly payforitßomeday.' Mr Wildman ,:■ «I wwh, my dear, that my creditors had the same faith in my good intentions.' Mis Maria: 'There's the oat that took three'medals for best pedigree at the oat' show last week.' Mrs Maria: 'Pedigreel Why, I knew her mother when she used to catch rats in Perkins'barn;: And her father f He was shot three years ago for stealing chickens!' Husband: • I wish I knew where I could find a buried treasure.' .- Wife: 'Never mind, dear; I'm your treasure.*- .-,,, , V: ,. :i.\ ■■■■ Husband:' Yos, but you're notrburiadl' 'Andoh; George, : it will make me so a *PPS'to-soothe 'and ; comfort yon in all your troubles.*, ' But I haven't any!' * Oh, when we are married, I mean 1' Mab: 'I understand that rich old maid' has married a straggling young" man!' Prank: 'Yes, he straggled, but he couldn't getaway!*• •Do you ever get the last word with your wife, Mr-Softly R.' >:,■;> ,*■<■■ -,..) j ?* VOhi yes s but;! have to say it to myself when I got out into the street!' ]'.,'■ "\ \ , ' Give her this,' said the doctorf The man took the prescription and went away. But he was back the next.day;. *.What.!. Does she still imagine she's . sick P' exclaimed thedoctor,, i * 'No j she knows it now,' said the manWillie (inquiringly): 'Mamma, istbis> hair oil in this bottle P' Mamma: ' Mercy no, that's gum.' Willie (wisely): «I 'specs that's why I can't get my hat off.' Paul: 'What in the world made him marry herP' ■ --~v ; " '<*''w; :--• ; £.■ Sanford: 'Her wonderful skill in playing the piano ? Paul: 'DidH't he know there were selfplaying pianos in the market ?' •Do you consider it a moral wrong to cheat a lawyer P! asked, the person who is always looking for a chance to start something. '■.*■*:■ -/'* '"' ■' , j 'No,' replied the man whose speciality is worldly wisdom j.' but I consider it a physical impossibility.' •If it wasn't for me, sir,' cried-'old Gayman,' * you'd be the most forlorn and/ disreputable creature in the community, fi •That's right, dad,* replied young Gayman. «I.won't be able to claim first honours till you die.' , J.-&*-.™-.

: Gertrude: 'Funny folks;; they fedon't...know themselves as, as they think they do, There's Tom, for example. He thinks nobody can see through him and yet he is absolutely transparent.' , , Esther: L And he's round shouldered besides.' . j . .•;.-■:•

His Wife's Mother: 'You must >rnot< think I want to quarrel.' . ''"."/.-, f ; ,-. He: , 'oh»' i I ;didn't know whether yon wanted to quarrel or whether you'd rather, have your own way without quarrelling.' I

A drop or two of Creosote bfl 4 eufc trill stop its bleeding*