Humour.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 409, 10 March 1904, Page 2

Humour.

.. Mies Prunella Prism: 'How can you go about in that costume P What would people say if I were to be seen like that P" Flossie t«I really dread to think 1' Some people never make mistakes. Nor get involved in strife; ! They may be very happy, but . They lead a lonely life. j « Every married man has a better half, but, added Brown, who is a bachelor and keeps up a, charming bijou residence—' I fancy I have better quarters than most of them.' An American paper states that, upon one occasion when Artemus Ward was in' London, a children's party was arranged by the great humourist, to which One of the sons of John Bright was in rited. The boy. returned home aglow with delight. 'Well,' said the English statesman tcr his son, * did you enjoy yourself, my boy P' • Oh, indeed I did,' exclaimed the little Bright; 'and Mr. Ward gave me such a nice name for you, papa,' '•What waß that p* inquired the father. • Why, he asked me how 4 that gay and festive cuss the governor was,' replied the child. Uncle (very annoyed): • Everything I tell you goes in at one ear and outkt the other!' '• 1 Bobby (timidly): «Is that whajt little boys has two ears for, uncle V Uncle (at the Zoo): 'Come, Willie, wouldn't you like to. walk on and look at some of the other animals P You must be tired of monkeys.' Willie (who alwayß associates monkeys with barrel organs; i 'AH right, j uncle. Lets go and look at the organ-grinders cage next.' He: ' And so you refuse me. . , She: «.I must.' ' It is because I am poor, I presume P' 'No, that is not the reason.' ' Because my family is less aristocratic than yours, perhaps V •No.' 'I see. Tou want to marry a title.' ' No, I have no suoh ambition.' ' Hum! Very strange! Then why is it yOu refuse me?' «It's because I can't bear the sight of you.' ... ii- . Douglas Jerrold said: .* The ugliest of trades hare their moments of pleasure. Now, if I were a grave-digger, or even a hangman, there are some people I could ' work for with a great deal of enjoyment.' TONGUE-TWISTERS. Try to say «Truly rural' a dozen times, in quick succession. Here are two that it will bother you to say several times, even at the rate you usually speak: 'She smells eeashelJa'j and * Shoes and socks shock Susan.' If you keep yourself from saying ' Shusan,' you're doing very well. A portion of one of the walls of an oldfashioned residence in Albany, New York, I is adorned with wallpaper valued atJ «£40,0G0. It is composed of very rare | revenue stamps, each of which would sell J readily at JB2O. I