Humour.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 392, 12 November 1903, Page 7

Humour.

Her F/iersd: Doasa'fc your husband object to that pug dog ? She: Not at all.. He hates the dog, but ho doesn't dare to object, Maria: How lua these weather prophets tell the weather, anyway ? .fosiah: ifdunao; ualeas ruebbe they go by th 9 almanacs, • Maiidma: Freddy's teacher is so pretty! I believe; half the boys in her class are determined to marry when they grow up. Papa: put I truatsho has other proaTommy|| Why shouldn't I ever call anyone alter ? • ; iJncle Jiack: Because, my lad, if he isn't,it will hurt his feelings} and if he is, he will Jburt yours. Friend the confused heap of goods of every description scattered promiscuously about the shop): Halloa! What's .happened P Been taking an inventory, had a fire, or are you going to move out f; •, i . Draper: That shovjs how little you know about a, draper's shop, We have merely been waiting on a lady who droppad in for a packet of pins,.

Her Father: So you want to marry my daughter P Da. you |hink you have the aad forbearance to make her a Iwnd and indulgent husband P - ./** I Would-be Son-in-law: 1., doh'taknow, *£r, bu* I can button a standingJ||olsar on Btehkt that is a half-size larger without angry, and I-—-Hft Father: Say nc mors, ety no more, Smke Her, my son, and my blessing

... x s° r erday afternoon Bobby burst into ■*■■' I th& "ouse in] a state of high excitement. Hie hands and clothing were sme»red'with a liberal amount of some stioky sub r stance, and hisfac3 wore a glow of triumphant satisfaction. 'I say, mamma; those new people Bcross the way don't know much!' he exclaimed. 'They've got a sign on their front door that says' WET PAINT!' ' ' And you've been getting into it! You ought to be ashamed of yourself!', said MrsJlprriß severely. 'That sign was put up to warn people to keep awftj from it.' 'Yes, mamma,' persisted Bobby, with the enthusiasm of a richly rewarded scientific investigator,- 'But it wasn't paint, and I knew it. It's varnish!'

' Go 'way from there,' shouted a woman at the kitchen window.' Meandering Mike was halfway over the fence, but had paused to parley with the dog that snapped hia jaws and growled and Jumped at him from the other side. ' Did you say •' Go 'way from here' P' he inquired. u • Yep, and I mean juat that.' ' Madam, the invitation is wholly superfluous. I was goiu' anyhow. I kin eizo up a situation as quick as anybody, an' I ain't gointer t'row meself on the hospitalities of no fam'ly what don't feed their dog no better'n you do.'

Citizen (to former) : How are things out your way, Mr Hayseed P Mr Hayseed (gloomily) : They couldn't be much \vu33. My wife and three cowb are down with pleuro-pneumonia, And to think that I refused twenty pound a piece for 'em only last week !