SHORT STORY

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, 17 September 1903, Page 7

SHORT STORY

At present my world is not expensive —it comprises just Owena and me! A year ago it included Lady Courtney, Owena's aunt and only living relative ; and Sir Chalmers Chalmers, a brawny giaat of six foot—selected by Owena's aunt for Owena; and it w*s a very disquieting world in consequence. Now everything is harmony and blus Let me try to describe Owena's aunt. It can only be dene in superlatives; but let me try. She is thi tallest woman I ever saw (ontside a show). She is likewise the fattest (with the same reservation); and she is, without exception, the most dignified, stately, awe-inspiring dowager iu the United Kingdom. She possesses a hooked nose, a long pedigree, and intense de; and she has one inaignifisent f ailBg—an abomination for small men. I don't blame her for this, mind you, for the proximity of small men renders her ridiculous, just as her proximity makes them look absurd. Now I, Horace de Bonville Jones, have the deplorable luck t j be a email man. When I appeared, to ins for the band of Owena (with Owena's approval), Lady Courtney, after reducing me to an apologetic pfdp with the help of her lorgnettes, swept away ray timid appeal with a majestic hand. ' Mr. Jones,' she said icily,' what you ask ia impossible—utterly impossible!' After this I was forbidden the house; and Owena never appeared in public without an escort; and we were both in despair. Then Fate played most kindly and considerately into our hands. Sir Chalmers Chalmers—to whom, by the way, Owena was quite indifferent—chanced to be abdicted to yachting. It was likewise a ciaza of mine; and he kaewiag nothing of my annihilation at the hands of my Lady of Courtney, and being a good-natured soul whom it was difficult to think of as a rival, innocently demanded my company for a coast trip in hu small 100-tonner. It was certainly something more than mere luck that laid us up with a broken mizzen for three days at Eastville-on-Sea. Owena and her aunt happened to be at Eastville at the identical time that we were stranded in the place. Owena, poor girl, hud been dragged out of town to distract her thoughts, and to give her a chance of forgetting me! We walked into them on the pier the day after her arrival! Lady Courtney showed no surprise—she was fur too well bred; but in the privacy of her own room that day, I feel sure that she expressed herself! The presence of the baronet took the edge off things a little; he was still blind to any awkwardness in the situation, and was bent on making the most of our chance encounter. 'Look here, let's get up a picnic to Bedcombe Bay—just us four—to-morrow,' he suggested breezily as we separated. ' Jones can make the salad.' ' How delightful!' cried Owena. * Charming I' agreed her aunt, with an effort. 'We will drive, of course ?* she added. « Nonsense,' said Six Chalmers, who is energetic by nature. 'Bedcombe's only two miles from her. My man can carry the basket, and we'll walk. But, of course, it it's too much for you, Lady Courtney, drive by all means. Jones and I will look after Miss Owena.' 'Thanks,' said her ladyship, rather more hurriedly than the occasion seemed to warrant} 'bat I can manage four miles, I think.' And bo it was settled. The next day was beautifully fine. Our nearest way lay along the sands. The baronet and Owena (at her ladyship's suggestion) walked on togetner and walked fast; she and I progrersed slowly —very slowly—in the rear. The inevitable thing happened, just as Lady Courtney meant it should—we lost Bight of them. I think we should have kept them in view, if she hadn't noticed a flat, inviting-looking rock jutting from the sand; and insisting that I looked tired, made nospread upon it the rug I was carrying, 10 that I might rest. It was partly sulkiness, I think, that made me withhold from her the information that the tide was coming in rapidly, and that she'd chosen for our restingplace a patch of high ground that was generally dry some time after the surrounding parts were covered with water. Bat it was also absent-mindedness that kept me quiet, for I was busy watching the rather tipsy movements of a small fishing smack that was tacking about in front of as. We sat here for about twenty minutes. 'Are you rested, Mr. JonesP' Lady Courtney inquired at last, in a voice that strove to be pleasant, and just fell short of being so. ' Perhapß we'd better be moving.' I took my eyes off the smack, collected myself, gathered up the rug, and we rose to our feet, The treacherous sea had flowed silently in, and we were alone on what a geographical primer would call 'a piece of laud entirely surrounded by water.' ' Mr. Jones,' Lady Courtney breathed, 'do you seep What does this mean? How are we to get back to my niece ?' she demanded. I felt my last chance for Owena slipping away from under my feet like the * sand on which I stood. ' Can we not hail someone, or a boat?' she asked. ' I'm afraid there is no one about, and the smack's too far eff, and ' ' Shout, Mr. Jones.' I shouted and shouted again till I was hoarse; there was no sign of an answer ; and our island was growißg momentarily smaller. After I'd bawled at least twenty times, I stopped. ' Now, perhaps you have a suggestion to offer ?' her ladyship said, when I had recovered tay breath. But there was ro enthusiasm in her tone. I had; but the very idea turned me giddy. I went hot as I thought of it, and then cold. I knew the coast well, you see, and happened to be aware that we were for the nex* hour ox bo in no danger of

Sublime and the Ridiculous

drowning, and that scarcely the depth of a foot of water lay between us and safety; bub unfortunately that 'foot' stretched over a good half mile of flat sand. There wasn't time for me to go for assistance, for to plough my way through that halfmile of shallow water would take time * The water's quite s-shallow at present,' I stammered; • not more than a f-f-foot. I cculd c-c-carry you, Lady Courtney.' * Mr. Jones!' 1 can never hope to forget her tone. It wa? more relentless than the incoming tide. For a Bpace there waa silencesilence tbat could be felt. A wavelet rippled in, damping her ladyship's skirta, and soaked my shoes through and through. ' Lady Courtney,» I said, 'if you want to get to shore before this place becomes really dangerous, yon must—you must paddle!' I shut my eyes as I said it. I half expected her to strike me. It was like dancing a polka in Westminster Abbey. When I did venture to look at her again, sea and sky seemed to be leaping to meet each other; but she did not speak" cr Btir. Evidently I bad transgressed beyond forgiveness. She went very, very red, and bit her uEderlip till ifc must have caused he positive pain. She would have given a ransom, I know, I know, ta sweep away and leave me alone, but one can't do much with about a foot cf sand and rock. I looked at her sideways. Presumably she could see nothing nearer than the horizin; so, takiag advantage of th's I removed my own shoes and socks, crammed them into my packets, and lus'ily rolled up my trousers. . -I glanced at her timidly again, Ehe didn't appear to be conscious of my existence. I waded out into the water' It was, as I'd anticipated, very shallow. I walked invitingly round and round the island, not daring to speak, but waiting for that stony figure with its gaze on vacancy to make the first move. She was now reduced to a few inches of sand and rock. Another wave and——' Ah, ah! It came—an extra-sized one. The spell was broken. 'Mr. Jones.' I was at her side in a moment. It was the voice of grim determination. * Turn your back, please.* I did so with alacrity. There was a sound of soma scrambling and heavy breathing, and a couple of 'plop plops,' as of a pair of shoes being rent off abruptly; and then a small splash and a smaller scream. I sprang round. Had she slipped off the rock by accident P No; she was standing in the water. Her satin petticoats were gathered in a heap around her, and the expression of her face would have graced a Boman matron stepping into the arena, Undei one arm she held a black bundle. I hurried forward. ' Let me carry your —your ' 'So, thank yon! Be good enough to give me your arm? I did bo, and we sallied forth in impressive silence, and swept slowly through the half-mile of chilly sea. It was a momentous journey—for the life of me I couldn't think of a single appropriate remark. I hummed to myself scf fcly, just to imply how casual I felt. 'ls this a time for song, Mr. Jones ?' inquired my companion with frigid reproach. I left off abruptly. "As we were Hearing terra firma, I noticed a black speck looming on the sands just in front of us. It quickly resolved itself into the figure of a hobbledehoy—evidently a tripper to Eastville, who had strayed to that quiet spot by seme impish chance. Apparently he had just caught sight of us, and was wriggling something off his shoulder, adjusting a small, evil-looking box against the middle of his person. I mattered an exclamation which her ladyship fortunately did not hear. She was too much engaged in keeping her black satin drapery dry to observe any-

thing. When she became aware that someone was watching us, she stopped short—the most fatal thing she could have done. ' What's that creature doing ?' •I'm afraid. Lady Courtney,' I said desperately. 'l'm afraid h6's—he's trying to photgraph us!' She clutched my arm as in a vice. * Photograph us ?' she schoed faintly. • Oh, but this i 8 insufferable—unbearable![ How can we avert such unpardonable liberty?' ' I fear the liberty and the photo are ' taken,' I jerked out, for I heard a click j and a chuckle, and the youth was moving off. We were ashore by this time, and Lady Courtney hastily dropped her skirts and pointed dramatically to the receding figure. * Ob, Mr. Jones, threaten him—frighten him—do something, 1 beg—l entreat! Supposing the photograph got into the hands of anyone who knew me?' As she grew flurried, I grew calm. There was a dry sandbank close at hand. I assumed command of the excursion for the first time that day, and made her sit down upon it. ' Put on youT 1 mean, get ready for the rest of cur walk, L»dy Courtney, please,' I said authoritatively. 'l'llbe back in a moment.' As I spoke I dragged on my own shoes and socks, and was off.

I sprinted up the saads, aad caught the camera-fiend. He was a trifle difficile. I gathered that he tbought Lady Courtney and I had been paddling for pleasure. His bump of veneration was but imperfectly developed. He referred to her as ' Aunt Marier V However, at last I managed to square him and in a few minutes more was back with her ladyship, with a small roll of films in my hand. She was awaiting me in evident perturbation. * Well V 6be &6kea eagerly. 'Well,' I said airi.y. 'lt's all right. It cost me JE2 and some trouble. I hadn't time to argue, and it waß worth it.' Per the first time on record she looked really humble. ' I really don't know how to thank you, Mr. Jones,' Bhe said quite meekly. •Don't mention it,' I observed, with condescension, as I tore the films to atoms. ' Mr. Jones !* ' sTes, Lady Courtney.' •Would you—would you do me the favour never to mention thiß—this highly ridiculous occurrence to anyone ? My nieco has an unfortunate sense of humour,

. and if she and others heard of it the I whole affair might get exaggerated or I misiaterpreted. One cannot be too I careful.' She was looking at me anxiously. ' Lady Courtney,' I 'said, * I'm only a small man, I know, and I bave the misfortune—an unpardonable one in your eyeß—to love your niece. But lam at leest a gentleman, I hops, and '—l made a gesture of dismissal—' I have absolutely and entirely forgotten the last half hour.' She held out her hand. 'Thank you!' she said again. And there were tears in her voice.

A quarter of a mile or so further on we met Owena and the baronet coming to look for us. They appeared anxious. 'Why, auntie, we thought jou were drowned—both of you!' cried Owena, running up to u& Her aunt smiled forbearingly. * I'm not a fast walker, as you know,' she said, with something of a return to her old manner. 'Mr. Jones waß kind enough to suit his pace to mine.' Owena was in great spirits, and evidently bubbling over, with some excite* ment. 'We've had a delightful walk!' she went on eagerly. 'And I've such news for you! Sir Chalmers is going to be married in the spring P Hasn't he kept hia secret well ? I'm the first person he's told.' At this juncture Sir Chalmers joined us, looking shespish. We both congratulated him—her ladyship with a warmth that caused Owena and me to exchange astonished glances. ' And I've been telling Miss Owena that we'll be hearing of her next —eh, Miss Owena ?' he said. He's a man with no idea of tact. I trembled a little, and Owena flashed and seemed very uncomfortable. We both gazed appealingly at the dowager. At another time she would have withered him with a look. But she did nothing cf the sort now ; on the contrary, she laughed pleasantly. ' I dare say ycu "reright, Sir Chalmers,* she said, with a scarcely perceptible glance in my direction;' I can't expect to keep her for ever, ycu know.'

Later on in tbe day Owena seized my arm. We were alone, thanks to the tactics of her aunt.

' Horace, tell me how you managed it. It's au absolute miracle! What msgic did you use to brißg her round ?' • I di'ln't use any magic, darling,' 1 said vaguely; 'I think it must have been the magic of the sea!'—Chris Sewell.