Humour.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, 17 September 1903, Page 2

Humour.

Young Hopeful stands watching his mamma, as she plays on the piano. ' What are those things made of, I say, papa ?' ' What things ?' ' What they strike on to make music. Look, that !' ' Those are the keys, and they are made of bone or ivory.' ' Bone!' Toto fell into a brown study, then lifting his head, he remarked : 'So the black keys are made of niggers' bones, oh, papa f' ' I wish I was a little French girl.' said a ten-year-old. ' Why V asked her mamma. ' Because then I should know two languages.' 'How so?' 'Why, ycu know, I can speak English now, and French would make two.' Mistress : ' What wages do you generally receive ?' Applicant: * Sure, mum, an' I've never stayed long 9nough to find out.' Prospective Cook: '1 couldn't live in a flat, ma'am,' Head cf the Family: 'Why not?' Prospective Cook: * I wouldn't care to be on the same floor with the family.' ' D;>n't you think that ycung man is afflicted with a swelled head ?' 'No.' an3wered Miss Cayenne; 'he's not Billicted with ifcj he enjoys it.' Clara: ' What an easy-going person that Mr Littlebrayne iß.' Agnes : ' Easy-goinpf ? I never found him so. It's always the hardest kind of work for me to get him to go before raidnight.' An Irish recruit in one of His Majesty's riding schools had the misfortune to part company with his horse. According to custom, the sergeant strode up to him and demanded : ' Did you receive orders to dismount ?' * I did, sor.' • Where from ?' ' From hindquarters, yer honour,' said Psddy, with a grin. •The only objection,' said tke Btern parent, ' I have against the young man, my dear child, is that he has bo noble ambition—no high or worthy object in life.' ' Why, papa, how enn you say that ? He wants me 1' Grandma: ' Bobby, what axe you doing in the pantry ?' Bobby: ' Oh, I'm jqs3 putting a few tliingd away, gr&n'ra*.'