Humour.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 383, 10 September 1903, Page 7

Humour.

ANECDOTES. * S33RHE eminent Doctor Bjlus, like all Ifefira & oe< * m edical practitioners, is exCftLs tremely averse to giving medicine when the condition of a patient does not absolately require it; yet he is not insensible to the benefit o£ a nervous patient, and 'especially the patient's anxious friends, may sometimes derive from a judicious dose of bread pill or pure water, in circumstances where nature requires only «sb and moral encouragement. In a case of this kind he was once called upon to prescribe for a child who was very slightly ill, but whose father was extremely anxious in spite of all his assurances that there was no danger. He saw fit, therefore, to prepare a speciallj safe remedy, at the same time esjoining upon the mother to be very caretnl and exact in its use. Unlocking his medicine chest, ho took out a deadly-looking bottle labelled 'aqua pura,' from which, with great care and deliberation, he poured a few spoonfuls of colourless liquid, which he accurately measured and weighed, pouring a little back, and then tilling a small phial, whioh he labelled. Placebo. Dose—Ten drapa every six hours. . ' This,' said he", *is one of the most power! u\ medicines known, for cases like that of your child; and I am sure if you administer it as directed, keeping well covered, and giving him a little broth or arrowroot whenever he will take it, he will be all right within a day or two. Never wake him to give the medicine : so long as he can sleep, so much the better ; and whatever you do, be careful not so exceed the dose I have prescribed—ten drops at a time. Good morning,' and the good doctor ascended into bis gig and drove off to his home in the nearest town, which was four miles distant. In the middle of that night, or rather about two o'clock on the fallowing morning, Doctor Bolus and his whole household were roused from their slumbers by a most frensted and determined attack upon the bell-pull and ttnoeker, and on investigation a frightened messenger was found at the door, clamouring for the doctor's immediate attendance upon little Johnny B*—■--, the the patient to whom the 'p'acebo' had been prescribed as aforesaid. ■ '■■•,.-• •If jou please, Doctor Bolus, will you come at once, sir ? little Johnny's got a double dose of the Btrong medicine by mistake, air; the nurse she gave him one, and his mother gave another, and so he's took twenty drops and hejjs Binking fast.' «Is he very ill ?' asked the puzaled doctor. s 'Oh yes, sir; he's quite unconscious, and just breathm' like he's in a trance. And we think he's dying, and I've run all the way through the show to fetch you. Do please make haste, sir!' The unhappy doctor knew perfectly well that the fears of the mother and nurse were groundless, and the unconsciousness and apparent trance of the patient was only natural sleep. Should he explain t) the frightened messenger that the powerful overdose of 'aqua pura' was only twenty drops of ordinary spring water, under a Latin name P He longed to do this and go back to his warm bed : it was a wild tempestuous night in midwinter, bitterly cold, and the roals were almost impassable with drifting snow. Bat after an instant's reflection he saw there was nothing for it but to go: to confess to an 'aqua pura' deception would have ruined hiß reputation and practice for ever—at least in that community: and so with the messenger's aid he harnessed his astonished horse and gig and drove through the blinding storm to the scene of danger, administered a 1 armlets white powder for antidote, calmed the i ft"righted household, and then laboriously ploughed h:s way homeward, where he arrived about daybreak, a weary and dejected man. Little Tommy returned, sore and trembling from tho torture-room, ' Doesn't your papa ever thrash you ?' he asked his chum, who is the son of a Cabinet Minister. •I should say not!' replied the other loftily. ' Every time he threatens to cane me I read him au extract from his great peace-at-any-prico speech, in which he said: ' Tcese barbarians are like wayward children; but ha?o we, on that account, the right to take away their Heaven-sent privilege to do as they please P Let us treat them as we weu'd our own wayward children—plead with them, beseech them, but never ccerce them with either gun or rod.' ' That's a good deal to remember,' remuktd T-miiy. •Yes; but now he's got so used to it that ho drops the cane as soon aa I start.