PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 380, 20 August 1903, Page 3

PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

■ "What is the Armless Wonder kicking" about?" "lie .says it is so dark that he cannot, see his hand before his face."—Town Topics. As a Preventive}—-Mrs. Keyboard—"Why do yon always sit at the piano? You can't play a note." Old Stokes — "Neither can anyone else while I'm here."—N. Y. Press. Upstairs Caller "Miss Screamer sings in the lower register, don't she?" Upstairs Roomer—"Sounds like it; I've tried closing the register, but I :an't keep the sound, out of the room, '—Ohio State Journal. "As an instance of remarkable memory, it's said Caesar knew the name of every man in his army." "That's nothing. There are actually people who never forget an umbrelin." v T'liJ];idr!ph;ri."Time's; ' ■' Mamma —"Johnny, I want you to he good to-day." Johnny—"l will be good if you'll gimme a nickel." Mamma—"Jolmny, T want you to remember that you cannot be a child of mine unless you arc good for nothing."—Philadelphia Press. "What a beautiful girl!" "That is a picture of me when I was 19." "Why, my goodness gracious! I can hardly believe*—" And then, wher. his thoughts had time to catch u£ with his words, he realized ag&in what bad form it is ever to allow one's self to show surprise.-—lndian-apolis News. Cost of the Q.neen'» rnncrr' The queen's funeral cost $lB'■ nearly one-third of which was fc:, housing and entertainment of fo. .<"■ guests.