Humour.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 374, 9 July 1903, Page 2

Humour.

Traveller: ' You needn't make any :*sxtra ,my .wife.j The plainW tfoithingß' are, the better a|&» likes them,'.. ~;=■',--....; , c ~ r -,..,T- r 5r Hotel Keeper : l *YoTiit •■" wife seems passionately fond of yo»,\ eirl' • , 5; ,;• -j 'H' * 2 ft' 1 / " He: 'Yon say yon'like a manly man. . What is your idea of a manly man V '-■• She: "Well,* foT instatrc®,* : one ; who "doesn't stay, .and stay, : arid-stay, jußt because he knows tie girl .isn't Btrong enough to throw him out.' • Yes, men are braver tban tbey used to be.' ; 'Hjw do you make that out ?',;., } •Look at the young fellows who get married on 251. a week.' Stage ; Manager' {to -proprietor of the theatre):. 'Our ecene-Bhiijber wants a holiday. Ha Bays he hasn't been away for five years.' Proprietor: •Well, tell him he cannot .have one. .Up . geta changes .of sqenery "paoi^h-tdrlau^podyl'' i' I ! | "'■■ • Mother si' Nbwj Daißy, caii; you itell me the name of the insignificant little worm by whose industry 1... am enabied to wear this silken robe P**" '"' ; '' '"- Daisy: ' I know! The insignificant little worm is papa l /' ;' 6 §~l j ' H 'W littla we really know : about, our neighbours, after, all/' said the young wife musingly. ' Yes/ replied' her husband.' : and how much they seem to know about us/ : ' Youngman,' Baidthemulti. millionaire angrily, 'how dare yon get engaged without my knowledge and to ,an ■ actresaP'.- ■'■'('• ■■'-■< e s-jooO : : , Such a matter, Bir, is onejiqtwhich Ido not think thatVeyen'a father^; should be consulted.!: .'.'. ~ / ' liut you novex earned a penny in your life. Supposing t publicly renounce I f 4 AM right, air. .The more youjpublicly renounce me, the more:you advertise nay Wife/ ' " ..; .' '-"\ ' ; ' Mre. Bargano 5 ' Haven't you got the toothache, John P' • ■; Mr. Uargane: ' No, my dear \ why P' M''« ' o'i, I am bo sorry that you have not. I bought a new toothache cure to-day, and I wanted you to try it.' • Well. Berth', and whore's your brother Freddy P' IVJf\ Itt f|.: ': ffM ■ •Please, n|urn* now.' * • How'b that P' ..,. , WfbUiftfe W9 h »v|»f H flfio game' seeing whoxould? eat' Ihej jfoat pudden, mum? arid pMr.B. Jaßaopjaid £0 Mra.' Lauiuiis (in confidence) t\ ' D* you know mine ig world P' ' Weill really, now, w£at a coincidence!" said Ms. Lammiß. 'So ia mine.' |i :A nVan the 'purpose of'being ! Bh¥ved.' 'Ab -he was somewhat hollow-cheeked, the barber, as is the custom in sc-m* country districts, put his thumb in the customers'B mouth, in order to press out the' cheek. -' ■ - Suddenly tbe ; roz-ir islipped, 'making a great gash in the man's face, and he Bpfengi'o his feet with a y ell pain aiid aifees;§ H /I . H I «-f ' | 1 Stiuiup? man.!? holding up his hand. ' I've cut my thumb!' Dora: ' I don't see, how we can marry 5 my face is my only fortune.' Tom (gloomily): ' I know, and I'v nothingworth speaking of either.' Lawyer: • Dil the defendant, to your knowledge evor inri'e another to perjuryP' 1 Witness : ' Yes j once I heard him ask a woman her age.'