Personalities.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 370, 11 June 1903, Page 2

Personalities.

ADMIEAL KENNEDY'S STORIES. •sfH*2> LADY, meeting a smart young 9gfls blue-jacket ashore, stopped him, JjKJbE and asked some ridiculous questions, such as ' What ship do you belong to P' 'la she a nice ship?' • How do you like your Captain P' etc., etc. r Oh, yes, ma'am/ replied the bluejacket,, *he is a very nice man; he goes ashore with 'at in bis 'and, and to play croquet with the ladies, and it's 'with your leave here' and 'byyour leave there,' andheccmes aboard and damns us all round.' I remember coming across an old shipmate, who had retired on his well-earned pension, and was living in a cottage by the sea, and was delighted to see me and have a yarn. * Well, 'Pipes,' said 'l,"'you seem comfortable here; »11 night "in; and no cares.' ' Yes, sir,' he said, • I'm quite happy. I pays a boy sixpence a week to call me every morning at daylight, and say, ' Please, sir, the Capten wants you.' ' Whatever do you do that for ?' said I. ' Well, sir, it's this way. Having been Bent for by the Capten ev<ry morning all my life, it is some satisfaction to be able to say to the boy, ' Tell the Capten to go to hell!' and then I turn round and go to sleep again.' One day a marine was tried at Hong Kong for some act of insubordination. Now a naval Court-martial is a very solemn affair; it is also a just one. But I have sometimes observed that even on the most solemn occasions there is a comical side to it. In the present case the Court was sworn in the usual manner the officers comprising it standing up, in cocsed hats and epaulettes, whilst they kiss the Book and swear to 'administer jas'ice without favour,' etc, etc. The prisoner is then asked by the JudgeAdvocate if he objects to any member of the Court, usually a mere form, as an objection is seldom But this marine thought otherwise. ' Yes,' said he; ' I objects to the 'ole blooming lot of yer, especially the bald headed old beg, ar atthe'ed <f the table!' I forget what what the sentence was.

Daar me! how one yarn recalls another. I remember one peppery old herb, who, rushing up on t v e poop in a great hurry. ran foul of his clerk. ' Where -the devil are you coming to P' etc., etc. The poor young fellow retired much disconcerted, After a while Lis chief, who was ■ a mbsh kmdhearted man sent for the clerk, and expressed his regret for having spoken so roughly to him. The youngster, by "way of helpiap his chief, said : ' Oh, sir, I don't mind it, I assure you/ ' You didn't mind it! Then, damn you, you ought to have minded it. "What the devil did you mean by not minding ?'

A WITTY BISHOP. Dr. Mountain, a Bishop of Durham in the reign of George the Second, was the son of a beggar, yet he rose to one of the highest positions in the Church. When the Sae of York became vacant, the King consulted the then Bishop of Durham as to the most suitable successor to the late Archbishop. The learned divine promptly rose to the occasion, and said, 'Hadst thou faith as a grain of mustard-seed thou wouldst say to this mountain, *Be removed, and be cast into the See.' This witty remark was too much for the King, and the Bishop got the Archbishopric.

SELF-HELP IN HIGH LIFE. Nowadays there is no knowing how far the great ones of the earth will go, under the influence of that democracy which is sweeping over the world. Only a week or so ago I wrote of a princess who was working for a few shilling s a week and now I have to relate the esse of a member of one of the reigning families who is living without any servants, 'doing for herself,' as the charwoman so delightfully put it. The reason is not that she lacks money, or that, like a celebrated beauty, she has lost hrr looks and doesn't wish peop'e to eeo her—but simply that she desires to Bhow that women of her class are not so helplese as so many people think, and that she is perfectly able to do whatever is necessary for her own comfort.

THE KING AS A GODFATHER Pew, if any, of His Majesty's subjects have rcted as'a eponeer so often ash?. King Edwaid has been godfather to seventy-five people. Among his many godchildren are a father and son. They are the Duke of Marlborough and the little Marquis of Blandford, to whom His Majesty, then Prince of Wales, Btood sponsor when the heir of the dukedom of Marlborough was christened, at St. James' in 1897.

writes that a friend with a flae^green' Brazilian parrot has been Btafjf tfithY her. The parrot is a fluent and accomplished speaker. A grey parrot"Re intrcdaced one day, but th<KJSraziiiau haughtily declined to have anything to say to the grey. Then another friend, who had just been given a .newly-" imported green Brazilian, brought the newcomer to call. The moment the parrots saw one another they broke into a torrent of apparently articulate language, consisting,as it seemed of queationsand. answers, but what the language was no one present could tell. The owner of the first parrot had never daring the years it had lived with her heard it speak this strange tongue. The two parrots: talked to each other without ceasing all the time they were together, and a few days later when they met again, exactly the sam thin? happened. Was the first parrot—long exiled-from its native forests—asking eagerly for news of its people P

GOOEKHA WOLF HUNTEBS In spite of the many plans which have been tried by the Indian Government, there is no diminution, but rather the contrary, in the number of deaths caused by wild beasts. Various conjectures are hazarded to account for this failure of the Executive, but it is pretty well agreed (says the 'Globe') that the destruction of game by sportsmen and by drought compels tigers, leopards, wolves and hyenas to prey to a greater extent on humanity. Whether that be the case or not, Lord Cuiz>n has unquestionably gone the right way to work by resorting to the novel expedient of Goorkha soldiers in some of the worst infested districts. Born f portsmeh as they are, and perfectly fearless, they readily take up with this new sort of military duty, and there seems every likelihood that the venture, if persevered with, will be crowned with complete success. Wolves are, it appears, much greater dilinquents than the more lordly carnivora; they are debited with nearly 300 deaths per annum in the United Provinces alone. But they will have a hot time of it when the Goorkhas carry out their proposed scheme of a scientific jungle-hunt, much on the lines of Lord Kitchener's blockhouse system. First one patch, then another, will be surrounded, and cleared by detachments marching concentrically, the intervals between them being filled np with beaters thumping on tomtoms as at a tiger hunt. There will be a reward, it may be assumed, for every wolf or „other mankilling animal slain, but tfce Goorkba does net need any monetary inducement to enlist his best services for such thoroughly congenial work.

PIGEON'S DBEAD OF COLOUB, I have among nij several pets a pair of tame wood-pigeons. They are most affectionate, though a little shy, and even at night when I go to them-with' a light they will come and eat from my hand. One remarkable thing about them is antipathy to, and absolute dread of, a specimen of a pure violet colour. * My little daughter has a dress of this material—a new one—and one' 7 Sunday morning wore it I had my .pigeons under the breakfast table picking up the crumbs, when my daughter came in. The pigeons uttered a peculiarly frightened cry, and began to dash about the room and fly into every corner, eventually making their escape through .the door and up the stairs. I managed to capture them and put them in their coop, b«it as soon as they caught sight of the dress again they dashed themselves about and seemed terrified. I had to coyer them up until I was able to see what could be done, as I found they had both hurt their legs; and even new they stand with difficulty. I have tried several other colours on them, but they had no effect; so soon, though, as I showed them the piece of material, they stretched their necks, spread their wings, and uttered a frightened cry. I wonder if this peculiar antipathy to a colour has ever before been noticed in wood-pigfons. I bhoald like to know.