Honour.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 370, 11 June 1903, Page 7

Honour.

..* ; THE IMPEDIMENT. other day an inquisitive lady W was talking with James WhitCi&£ comb Kiley on how poorly paid was the profession of literature. * But, Mr. Riley,' said she, 'surely you have no cause for complaining. You must be* la very rich man. I understand you get four shillings a word for all jou write.' } ' Ye-e-es, madam/ said Riley, with his slow drawl, ' but sometimes I sit all day and.ca.Bit think of a darn word*' LiW OF COMPENSATION.

Bridget and Pat were sitting in an armchair reading an article on 'The Law of Compensation.' :.: 'Just:fancy.' exclaimed Bridget; faccordin'to this,'whin a man loses wan av 'is Binses another gits more developed. For instance, a bloind man gits more sinse av herin ? an' tonchin'' —• ' Shure, an jit's quite, thru?,' exclaimed Pat. ' Oi've noticed it meßself. Whia a mon has wan! leg shorter than the other, begorra the other's longer,'

AN OBSOLETE IDEA.. 'My dear,'| said the gentleman with gold-rimmed J glasses, ' can you recite ' Mary had a |itt!e lamb* P* ' No,' answered the little girl, who also wore gold-rimmed glasses. ' The poem has little or i no literary value, and its spirit is contrary to our modern institutions. Since the organization of the Meat Trust, Mary would be lucky to get a chop, without] assuming proprietorship of the entire anunal.'... THE DEAF COUETIEB. Once upon a time the Prime Minister west to the King and complained that a certain courtier, who was very hard of hearing, had been making very uncomplimentary remarks about his sovereign. 'Your Majtjsiy should speak to him about it,' said;the Minister, 'that it may cease; bat yon must needs speak loud' ' I will Bpeak so loud,' answered the King, ' that I guarantee the offence will never be repeated.' He then sent the offending courtier to the block.' Moral,—Axe speaks louder than words. ABRIDGED HISTOEY OF A COUBTI SHIP. I Met him—met him again—in lore with him. Met him again—no longer-in love with him, but he is in love with me because I am so beautiful. Met him again —he is still in love; with me,: not only because I am so beautiful, but because I am also good.' Sorry for him. Again I met him—he is colder than he was Think he has forgotten my beauty and my goodness. I, however, ;am; t inclined to think that I am in love with him, after all. How lucky he is, and how angry mamma will be 1 Mamma proved to be strangely pleased. Makes me angry, for I know

she is a good judge of a young girl's heart. Flirted with him outrageously to make mamma angry— didn't succeed. Engaged to him—glad. Married to him —sorry. Athletic Promoter—'Ton want me to enter you ia that Bix day walking race, do you t Are you in training P' Applicant—' Well I played the hero with a barfistorming theatrical troupe for two seasons.' A P.—« You'll do.' Mrs. Richmond niture!' Mrs. Bronxborougb—«Yes; and, do you know, we got it almost as cheap as if it had been new.' ' What is your occupation ?' asked the old physician, as he felt the patient's pulse, J ' I'm an opera singer,' wae the reply. *Ah l' exclaimed the M. D ' What you need is a change of air. Suppose you try singing in a church choir.' Harry—' Did it ever occur to you how much more attractive another fellow's sister is than your own ?' Harriet—'Can't Bay that it ever did! but I have frequently thought how much pleaeanter the company of another girl's brother is than your own.'