Humour.

Alexandra Herald and Central Otago Gazette, Issue 364, 30 April 1903, Page 2

Humour.

DOUBT EXPELLED. ia a most dignified and staid «£§&> matron, and her husband iB 58281 deacon in a Maiden Congregational Church. She was passing along a Bide street in the Back Bay when a well-dressed man suddenly stopped and addressed her: • Madam, do I look tisrht P' •What?' 'Do I look tight P' 'No! No!' ' You're sure I don't. J've been drinking, and I don't feel sure.' ■ Yes.' «I want to make a call, but I waß afraid that I looked 'off.' I'll do ?' «Yes.' • lou're quite sure I can make the call and not look wrong ?' ' Yes.' 'Madam, I am very greatly indebted to you.' And he went on his way, evidently rejoicing while she pondered on the strange ways of men. TRANSFER OF AFFECTION. Her Daughter: 'lt is so silly of you, mother, to talk like that of Jack. Why, he is no more in earnest than I am.' Mother; 'That's all very well, my* dear; but it makes it very embarrassing for me.' • How can that be ?' ' Well, he has just asked, me to lend ! -him £& on the strength of your intimacy.' 'What did you BayP' •I refused —at first,' •What did he eay?' < 'He asked if it would make any difference if he transferred his attentions to me.' NOT GUILTY. • Now, boyß,' said the patient Sandayschool teacher, * surely some one of you can tell me who carried off the gates of G»za. Speak upi William.' ' I never touched 'em !' said the indignant William, with a suspicion of tears in his voice. ' I never had anything to do with it! I didn't even know they was took!' Irißh Agitator: 'We will have no landlords between us and God Almighty * A voice from the crowd:,' Sure now, but did not the Almighty evict his first tenants ?' Swell (to small boy): 'What are you crying for, my little man P' Small Boy:' ' Because you are sitting on my tart.' Alice: ' What a lovely disposition Prue has!' Belle: ' Salf-protection, my deae. You know she isn't a bit attractive otherwise.'